Celebrating Advent During Lent

The water pours in the end of the freestall barn.

The beds are soaked.
Not one cow will want those stalls. 

They will become like concrete. 

The fuel runs out in the tenants house. 

A mistake made. 

The feed is poor quality so the cows are dropping in milk. 

The bills remain the same. 

On top of that it snowed and the sun never showed it's face. 

Really there is no relief in sight;

another storm predicted for this weekend. 

It's almost April.  

And I wonder why the farmer is depressed?

I can feel it deep down. 

I am going to lose it. There is too much to keep together. Too many things going wrong.

The snow gains momentum. It is falling in gusty sheets. 

I resign myself. 

Winter will not end. 

So, I play Christmas music and sing out loud. 

I turn the up the volume.

I tease my daughter and text her lyrics to Christmas Carols until she writes; 

"stop".

For a moment I think, I can't stop, or I will lose my mind.
I feel so fragile. I need to laugh or I will cry a river. 

I stop. Right there in my tracks. 

I have a choice. 

I can succumb to the situations before me; 

or I can stand with my feet firmly planted.

Today I choose joy . 

I played the Christmas music. 

I kept moving. 

I folded clothes and cleaned dishes. 

I ran errands and sang those Carols. 

I prayed for strength to make it through these days. 

I sang about the Holly and the Ivy.

 In the middle of Lent, I celebrated Advent. 

I sang about the tiny baby in Bethlehem. 

I sang about the Parson and the Snowman. 

And it's right there. 

We wait in anticipation of the birth; the incarnate; the holy. 

We celebrate the birth so we can rejoice in the resurrection. 

We wait in Lent. 

We prepare for the death. 

The death that must come before the resurrection. 

The pain, the agony, which must come to pass.

Matthew 26:56

But this has all taken place that the writings 

of the prophets might be fulfilled."

 I find myself at the end of the day. 

The farmhouse has quieted down. 

I feel a sense of accomplishment. 

I made it. 

I made it through another day. 

I am still standing. 

The rock is solid and I have placed my feet firmly there. 

How To Find Peace In The Advent Season When Your Heart Is Breaking

What joy, what peace

Has come to us

What hope what help 

what love

The day begins with a visit from a stranger; now friend. A shared bond of sons torn from us; so young. Our friendship solidified when my unsolicited membership to the world of grief began. Her visit helps in the steps to move forward in this journey. I hesitate to say heal. This gaping wound may fill in; but the scars will remain, changing our appearance for all time. 

We talk about hard things. 

We listen. 

She, further down the road on this journey. 

Still a mama with her flesh and bones in the deep of the earth. 

She breaks bread at our table. 

It is full for lunch.

And for that, I am truly grateful.

She leaves and I ponder our visit. I think on things that can never be again. 

We head up to the neighbors to make crafts. I struggle to find things to do that are normal for the little girls. I don't want to become overwhelmed by the Advent Season; 

but I don't want it to pass us by.

 I want it to count. I want to ready my heart for the celebration of the Incarnate. 

The God with us. 

Yet it is hard. My earthly mind and heart ache with a longing which it can not have. The thought that we are made in God's image is beautiful. It brings great peace. 

Genesis 1:27

So God created mankind in his own image,

 in the image of God he created them; 

male and female he created them.

Did God struggle when he sent Jesus away from heaven; away from all that is holy? 

Down to this dark and sinful world?

 I wonder.

 How was it for him; the separation? For me, some days, are torture; to break the veil that separates the holy from the earthly is a constant desire. Yet, when the focus of self over powers all our minds; our vision becomes narrow. It is only in embracing the Incarnate, in dying to self that we can experience the fullness of all that Christ came to accomplish. 

Empty all that  you are, to be filled with all that He is. 

Philippians 4:7

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, 

will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

The girls finish their crafts. Complete with hot chocolate, candy canes and marshmallows. Such a wonderful way to spend the afternoon. We head out the door and it is snowing. Big, white, fluffy Christmas flakes. We drive down the hill. Back to our home. 

The world is all white. The snow has covered all the dark of the death of the season. It lies in wait for Spring to bring rebirth. Regeneration. 

I pray that this blanketing of snow will cover my hurt; my pain as I too long for the rebirth of my soul. Living life with out Elijah is just wrong in my finite mind. I grapple with the daily understanding that he is gone. Yet rejoice in the joy of knowing He is Home.

Our drive is over. 

We head into our home.

There is a hot meal waiting. 

The reminder that grace visits our door continually. 

I breathe in deep the pine of the tree, the mingle of smells a soothing balm.

The holy meeting the Incarnate. 

Waiting for the day when all things will be made right. 

Come, Lord Jesus Come.

I have no gift to offer a King.

You have my Drummer Boy