Living Life

A busy day. 

Nothing new; 

except the feeling. 

All day. 

Something. 

Not right. 

The Cast Party. 

Families. 

Dancers. 

Food. 

Decorating. 

Arabian Nights. 

Alladin. 

So much to do. 

Purposefully stepping one foot in front of the other. 

Work. 

Grief. 

Talk truth. 

Verse after verse. 

To my weary heart. 

Jeremiah 31:3

The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.

It just seemed so hard today. 

Pictures I hadn't ever seen. 

Quiet moments driving. 

Remembering. 

Finding it hard to believe he's really gone. 

That red hair. 

The silly, lopsided grin. 

I reach for words of truth. 

Isaiah 41:13

For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

Until I remembered.

 33 months. 

I stop in my tracks. 

Life is marching forward. 

I hadn't even remembered the date. 

I hadn't understood why the day was unsettled. 

The farm house is quieting down. 

Just the farm boy is stirring. 

The day is coming to a close. 

I have much to be thankful for. 

The evening spent with some of this area's finest young people and their families. 

Young people that have drawn along side of us and never let us go. 

I can't think of a better way to have spent this day. 

Preparing. 

Decorating. 

Creating. 

My farmer helping too. 

Now the day is done. 

It's time to rest. 

Continuing to step into truth. 

Remembering I am held. 

Good Night my Lijy. 

I still miss you with every fiber of my being. 

I loved your grin. 

That sparkle in your eye. 

It's how you looked at me the night you left. 

So excited. 

I will spend the rest of my days learning how to live without you. 

Stepping into the plan God has. 

Yielding to His ways. 

Trusting in the plan. 

Gaining strength that only He can provide. 

Keep my feet on solid ground. 

Sunshine Spilled Over

Sunshine spilled over on Resurrection Sunday. 

Warmth. 

Family. 

Food.

The empty tomb. 

The Cross set before us. 

A symbol. 

Hope. 

What was meant for evil. 

God meant for good. 

Sometimes you can't help but embrace the bad to understand the good. 

2 years and 8 months. 

 A journey to walk with purpose.

Seeking to discover, under the shadow of His wing. 

Ever longing for all to be made right. 

The tomb is empty. 

The Savior Risen. 

The hope of all Nations for a broken people. 

The sun beats down on us at my sister in laws. 

Her family walking the grief road. 

The first Easter without my nephew. 

The children without their father. 

Reaching out in hope. 

Stepping into the unknown. 

We sit together. 

Grateful. 

For each other. 

Laughing. 

Remembering. 

Life springing forth in the gardens that were my mother in laws. 

Precious bulbs pressing through the depth of the dark. 

Reaching for light. 

Reminders of the beauty in the struggle. 

When we are anchored to the Rock. 

Psalm 18:2

The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

It's been a great weekend of celebration on the farm. 

My farmers 60th. 

A gathering of family and friends. 

A shower of cards. 

Easter Sunday. 

Celebrated around the rich gathering of generations.

The birds have begun their joyous chorus this morning. 

Signs of Spring; seen if you look. 

Do you have eyes to see? 

I am asking God to keep my eyes wide open to 

not miss the beauty He has in store. 

 Resting in the hope given to us. 

I miss my son with all my being. 

The ache so deep.

Yet I believe God is working a purpose greater than I understand. 

I pray that you have eyes to see the glory that God is unfolding. 

I pray that you walk with hope; even when the way is rough. 

Walking today in deep hope, while clinging to the Rock. 

What about you? 

He Knows our Name Day #27 of Thankfulness

Looking back is a practice I need. 
I journal to remind myself. 
I read God's word for the reminders of hope and promises. 
Looking back is a gift. 
Sometimes hard and painful 
Often uplifting. 
Reminding us of the faithfulness set before us. 

2 Peter 1:12
So I will always remind you of these things, even though you know them and are firmly established in the truth you now have.

Many things are still true this day. 
We are grateful for so much. 
We will get our tree. 
We will step into the Advent season with great expectation. 
The words penned last year. . . .
16 months after our boy journeyed home are still true to this day. 
(well maybe not the snow part. . . )
The day after. . . 

---------------------------------------------------------------------
November 28, 2014

It's the day after. 

The day after 22 people for dinner.
The day after we bowed low in Thanksgiving for the deep gift we have been given. 
After the Turkey and pies and steaming cups of coffee. 

After giggles and playing in snow. 

Now, it is the wee hours of quiet; the day after. 

One daughter off to work. 

Retail and Black Friday. 
My farmer; milking, overseeing all that needs to be done. 

It is also 16 months since our red head walked this earth. 

2 Thanksgivings he has rejoiced with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

2 Thanksgivings that have challenged me to my core;
 of choosing to step into gratitude. 

My quest to reach for Jesus in every moment. 

Seeking Him more. 

He knows my name. 

How can I fully know His more? 

Philippians 3:10

I want to know Christ--yes, to know the power of his resurrection 

and participation in his sufferings, 

becoming like him in his death,

This is the day we also head to gather our Christmas Tree. 

A tradition begun long ago. 

Years of Currier and Ives moments when my dad would pull the truck up to the side doors and the farm house double doors would be flung open. 

Babies all snuggled here at the house while mom and I decorate 

and pink hot chocolate simmered on the stove. 

The fighting being over tired and not wanting to decorate the tree. 

How the little kids kept putting all the ornaments on the bottom 
of the tree and how funny it looked. 

Someone invariably storming off because they were mad. 

Such happy ,delightful memories. 

So, today we will head to the woods -ok the family will head to the woods, I will stay in the house where it is warm and I can appreciate the snow from the inside- and gather the smells of Christmas and bring it home. 

We will pack up Fall and usher in Winter. 

The Season of Advent upon us. 
A time to reflect and seek to be fully known. 
To know fully the One who came to give all. 

Because, don't we all want to be known?
Don't we all long to be understood and be heard. 
There is One who hears. 
Who longs for His people to return to Him. 

This day, as the Tree is placed and the lights are hung, may this preparation prepare my heart to enter in. 
Into Thanksgiving, into knowing God more fully. 
He knows our name. 
No matter how much I struggle with resting in a God who knows my name; yet also allowed my heart to shatter into a million pieces, he does know my name. 
And He will one day make all things right. 
I pray that your heart is surrendered to the King of Kings and that your soul rejoices in the free gift He has given to All. 

30 Days of Thankfulness~

I am thankful for:

Clarissa's friends here for a visit

a home full of teenagers and children

a kitchen that needs much cleaning

a day ahead of decorating for Christmas

the Season of Advent

a warm home and hot coffee

(which I ruined the first cup by thinking somehow

 I would grow to like eggnog in my coffee)

leftovers

meals you can create with leftovers

snow softly falling

17 Thanksgivings with my red head

a God who know my name

growth in spite of the pain

the gift of grace

friends who continually help us journey on

a family from California who shared the meal at our farmhouse table

the quiet moments where God reaches down and soothes my aching heart

the hope of today and strength He gives

Francesca Battistelli

He Knows My Name 

He calls me chosen,  free, forgiven, 

wanted, Child of the King

His forever, held and treasured, 

I am loved

Intentional Praise Day # 26 of Thankfulness

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Praise Him all creatures here below

Praise Him above ye Heavenly hosts

Praise Father Son and Holy Ghost

We sing it every Sunday. 

For years. 

In response to giving. 

To giving of His tithe and our offering. 

The words and melody simple and familiar. 

Everyone Praise Him 

It doesn't say where, or when. 

Just to praise. 

In obedience. 

All creatures. 

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Stepping into gratitude when you want
 to step right back to bed takes practice. 

Each day tiny steps. 

Remember to encourage each other with life giving words. 

Find a way. 

Seek the blessed. 

Find the good. 

Reach for hope. 
While the missing is deep today, the choice to order my steps
 toward hope was intentional. 
We'll gather around this farm house table to celebrate our gratitude. 

Two families deep in grief. 
Two families standing on the promises of hope. 
I can not do this alone. 
My flesh is weak. 
But He is strong and in Him is my trust. 

Psalm 28:7
The Lord is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him and I am helped.
My heart leaps for joy
and I will give thanks to him in song.
the Lord is the strength of his people,
a fortress of salvation for his anointed one. 

30 Days of Thankfulness~

I am thankful for:
a week of surprises and love
blessings in Best Buy
a puppy who is getting stronger each day
the college girl being home
the oldest farm girl and the traditions she is making with the farmette
the farm boy and two little girls-who aren't so little anymore
forgiveness
the pink hues of the sunrise
50 degrees on Thanksgiving Day
a day set aside for giving thanks
quiet mornings and hot coffee by the fire
the Ancient Word that brings life to my weary soul
opportunities to serve in other countries
people who want to help serve the people of Haiti and drop of items to the farm
not always knowing the outcome; learning how to trust
my farmer and our life together;
 it is not always easy and we have much to learn;
prayer
all I am learning in this journey with God 


May your day be rich in the goodness and love meant for all. 
Laying down my life at the foot of the cross was 
the best decision I have ever made. 
May you know that complete peace that is offered freely. 

Happy Thanksgiving to all. 

The Ultimate Sacrifice Day #11 of Thankfulness

Fancy pants dining. 

It's what they do. 

All these kids. 

From the time they were little. 

Aunt Clara's china being used. 

The candle light glowing. 

It's in those moments I see the table full. 

All the seats occupied. 

The laughter and joy around the farmhouse table. 

Things have changed. 

So much. 

One space remains empty; forever. 

The future, here on this earth, not mine to know. 

I know he was dedicated. 

Committed. 

He wanted to serve this country with his life. 

 The eleventh hour on the eleventh day of the eleventh month. 

We celebrate today because of the lives given. 

Sacrificed for our freedom. 

For men and woman who selflessly stand so we can sleep. 

Elijah would have made an amazing marine. 

But God called him home. 

His work finished. 

For those of us left- we still have work to do. 

We honor these men and woman because of the life give for us. 

The ultimate sacrifice was made on our behalf as One walked willingly to the cross.
He gave. . .all.
So that we may be free.
A symbol.
An example.
For God and Country.

~ 30 Days of Thankfulness~

I am thankful for:

Veteran's Day

a grandfather and uncles who served this country

my dad who gave to serve

Harold, a family friend who served and influenced 

our son Elijah so much

those men and woman who have pledged to protect and

 serve our country

the families of those men and woman -thank you 

a son who never wavered in his desire to serve

those that came alongside of Elijah as he trained and prepared

For the glimpses of grace along this journey

 a flag flown over Parris Island on Elijah's birthday- 
the day he would have left for boot camp
 a gift of the Marine Flag

 an enlisted Marine who knew Elijah 
and came to the door to meet this grieving mama- 
who returned from boot camp and brought a copy of his
 boot camp memory book 
the extended warmth and sunshine this fall
 backyard prayer
grace for each day
my farmers family that shows how to live out this grace each day
 my family and their unending love and support- and laughter

My cousin posted this picture for me




Thank you to all for serving. 
We owe you a debt of gratitude. 

John 15:3
Greater love has no one than this:
 to lay down one's life for one's friends.


Here is a video clip of Marines singing, 
"Days of Elijah"

Listening Day #10 of Thankfulness

She contacts me on face book. 

She found a recording of his voice from a history project. 

She laughed and cried when she heard it. 

She wondered if I would like her to send it to me. 

I breathe deep. 

Another recording of his voice. 

Another piece. 

Yes. 

Yes, I would love another opportunity to hear his voice. 

To listen to my sweet, sweet son. 

I play the recording. 

The deep places of my mommy's heart ache.

Oh how I miss him. 

He was so articulate. 

Always. 

His first word ex-ca-va- tor.

Yes. 

Truth. 

No da da for him. 

I continue to listen. 

There is back round noise so I have to listen intently. 

Carefully. 

I seek out the inflection; wonder at his hand motions-there was a piece of me in him- and picture his facial expressions as he spoke. 

I listen intently. 

So much of our life requires us to listen intently. 

To hear the speaker. 

Dig deeper for what is being said. 

Trying to understand our children. 

Attempting to decipher angry co workers words. 

Listening.

Hearing. 

Understanding. 

It is an Art. . . to listen. 

God calls us to enter in. 

To listen for his voice. 

Carefully. 

Purposefully. 

It takes time. 

There is waiting. 

There is heart ache. 

There is joy. 

John 19:27

My sheep listen to my voice; 

I know them, and they follow me.

May we all take to time listen to those around us. 

To seek God's will for the ways in which we should meet needs. 

Help a friend. 

Serve in some way. 

Spend time listening to His voice today to guide you. 

To lay down your burden. 

To be set free. 

He is always there. 

He neither slumbers nor sleeps. 

Psalm 121:3-4

He will not let your foot slip-- he who watches over you will not slumber;indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

He will guide us. 

He will show us where to serve. 

If we would only listen.

~ 30 Days of Thankfulness~

I am thankful for:

The gift of hearing my sons voice

Being able to hear

My sons friends who still remember

a new pastor and wife who are digging deep

a church body that prays; we are not perfect but with grace and mercy we step into God's ways

A season of Thanksgiving

10 more sleeps until the college girl is home

a gorgeous view of the mountain 

time to spend in God's word

correction and growth

a God who loves me and forgives my wretched soul

my farmer who works so hard each day

my girls who get up in the mornings to help their daddy

a farm boy that loves music and Jesus

 the two farm girls that are off the farm and making their way in this world

the farmette and the joy she brings

the hope of a new farmette and all she will bring

the naming of my gratitude; may it change me and grow my being to be more cognitively aware of the good around me

a sister in law who walks with grace and beauty through the trials of this life

May you seek to listen today. 

For the joy. 

For the broken. 

“There is a kind of listening with half an ear that presumes already to know what the other person has to say. It is an impatient, inattentive listening, that despises the brother and is only waiting for a chance to speak and thus get rid of the other person. This is no fulfillment of our obligation, and it is certain that here too our attitude toward our brother only reflects our relationship to God. It is little wonder that we are no longer capable of the greatest service of listening that God has committed to us, that of hearing our brother's confession, if we refuse to give ear to our brother on lesser subjects. Secular education today is aware that often a person can be helped merely by having someone who will listen to him seriously, and upon this insight it has constructed its own soul therapy, which has attracted great numbers of people, including Christians. But Christians have forgotten that the ministry of listening has been committed to them by Him who is Himself the great listener and whose work they should share. We should listen with the ears of God that we may speak the Word of God.”  (emphasis mine)

 Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together: The Classic Exploration of Christian Community

Remembering

We stand at the grave. 

This college friend and I. 

Last together when life didn't hold so many painful pieces.

Back when life was still fresh and young. 

This day we stand at the grave of my oldest son. 

"Tell me about Elijah, " she says. 

My eyes fill with tears. 

It's been months since I have let myself think of him. 

Months since I have paused to remember. 

Because in the remembering the searing ache lies. 

The sharp pain of who he was and will never be. 

The kind and caring, yet hot tempered red head. 

So handsome. 

So bent on being right. 

Blue, blue eyes. 

Perfect teeth from suffering through surgeries and braces. 

Smooth, pink skin. 

My son. 

Not all remembering brings pain. 

God was intent on us remembering. 

He wanted us to remember to not fear; 

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Today is a day to remember a covenant made. 

A day our family celebrated and treasured. 

It is our oldest daughters 3rd Anniversary. 

The day she and her husband promised to love and cherish 

until death do they part. 

A commitment they don't take lightly. 

Each working to strive to help and serve the other. 

My farmer and I watch with tenderness as the husband of this stubborn farm girl chooses patience and understanding. 

We watch as this team encourages our precious grand daughter. 

We step into grace as we expect another grandchild in March. 

This day we remember; 

the covenant made. 

The joy of the day. 

Because in remembering we grow. 

In remembering we remain steadfast. 

Deuteronomy 32:7

Remember the days of old; consider the generations long past. Ask your father and he will tell you, your elders, and they will explain to you.

Happy 3rd Anniversary to our Oldest Farm girl 

and the only man my farmer would hand her off to. 

May you continue to love and respect each other. 

May you seek romance and choose joy. 

May you continually bring our farmette home to visit. 

Alan Jackson 

Remember When