Living Life

A busy day. 

Nothing new; 

except the feeling. 

All day. 

Something. 

Not right. 

The Cast Party. 

Families. 

Dancers. 

Food. 

Decorating. 

Arabian Nights. 

Alladin. 

So much to do. 

Purposefully stepping one foot in front of the other. 

Work. 

Grief. 

Talk truth. 

Verse after verse. 

To my weary heart. 

Jeremiah 31:3

The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.

It just seemed so hard today. 

Pictures I hadn't ever seen. 

Quiet moments driving. 

Remembering. 

Finding it hard to believe he's really gone. 

That red hair. 

The silly, lopsided grin. 

I reach for words of truth. 

Isaiah 41:13

For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

Until I remembered.

 33 months. 

I stop in my tracks. 

Life is marching forward. 

I hadn't even remembered the date. 

I hadn't understood why the day was unsettled. 

The farm house is quieting down. 

Just the farm boy is stirring. 

The day is coming to a close. 

I have much to be thankful for. 

The evening spent with some of this area's finest young people and their families. 

Young people that have drawn along side of us and never let us go. 

I can't think of a better way to have spent this day. 

Preparing. 

Decorating. 

Creating. 

My farmer helping too. 

Now the day is done. 

It's time to rest. 

Continuing to step into truth. 

Remembering I am held. 

Good Night my Lijy. 

I still miss you with every fiber of my being. 

I loved your grin. 

That sparkle in your eye. 

It's how you looked at me the night you left. 

So excited. 

I will spend the rest of my days learning how to live without you. 

Stepping into the plan God has. 

Yielding to His ways. 

Trusting in the plan. 

Gaining strength that only He can provide. 

Keep my feet on solid ground. 

Reaching for More

2016.

It's here. 

With marching orders. 

Time. 

Progressing. 

At an ever increasing speed. 

Yet constant. 

Away from all that I know. 

Further. 

Towards the unknown. 

Time. 

I am glad 2015 is over. 

2 dear friends; gone to be with Jesus. 

A nephew. 

A father of 4 and a former colleague. 

Sometimes I can't face the loss. 

It seems that it comes so quickly. 

The weight. 

You feel. 

For others. 

But 2015 also held graduation for our now college girl. 

Visits from dear friends. 

A birthday party, for the double digit girl. 

Held at my friends 

who now calls heaven her home. 

Time with family. 

The news of another farmette.

Moments that I cherish. 

That can be overpowered by the grief. 

A tool used to discouraged. 

So beauty is not seen. 

Time moves forward whether our hearts are ready. 

Some moments I feel strong. 

The living rich and full. 

Always missing. 

Yet still ebbing forward. 

Other moments the defeat is great. 

The ache deep. 

So with eyes I glance heavenward.  

Psalm 121:1-3

I lift up my eyes to the hills.

From where does my help come?

2My help comes from the LORD,

who made heaven and earth.

3He will not let your foot be moved;

he who keeps you will not slumber. -ESV

The source of my strength resides in the hands of the One who created me;

with a plan. 

For a purpose.

A beautiful gift. 

2016 is before us. 

Choices to be made. 

Walk each day in grace, seeking truth and direction as He wills; 

Or stay stuck in the muck and mire this world delivers?

It is easy to stay stuck.

 Succumbing to the grief and heaviness. 

To climb and reach high. 

Takes effort. 

Work. 

Putting off all that discourages. 

Taking a step of faith. 

So here I stand. 

With open hands. 

Ready. 

Waiting with expectancy for what will be. 

I am standing on that solid rock. 

Reaching for Truth. 

Believing. 

He will never let me fall. 

He will always walk beside us. 

No matter the struggle. 

May you reach for the grace that is given. 

Freely. 

Peanut Butter Pie

Peanut Butter Pie. 

Sometimes it's what we need. 

A little baking. 

A plan. 

Some sunshine. 

Sometimes, life is not what we expected  

We can not give in to the despair and sadness. 

It fights to pull us under. 

Threatens to undermine our joy. 

So, make a pie. 

Spread some sunshine. 

Do one thing you know you should. 

And above all else. 

Give thanks. 

 Psalm 107:1

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; 

his love endures forever.

Our hope is not in the temporal things of this earth. 

They are all fleeting. 

Our hope lies in One who has sacrificed all so we might live. 

To that hope, we cling. 

Fighting today to remain in the everlasting arms. 

Grateful for hope. 

 Because when the missing grabs hold and the ache so heavy. 

The only thing left to do is open the hands and rest in the power of the Holy One. 

David Crowder

I Am

What Do You Do When The Soul Ache Is Deep?

Sometimes there are just no words.

When the searing pain creeps in. 

The ache unbearable. 

The silent screams wanting a voice for all this to not be. 

It's Advent. 

A Season of Preparation. 

And today breathing seems hard. 

And we're told when there are no words. 

When the soul ache is so deep; we would have a comforter. 

Romans 8:26

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.

This comforter intercedes for us when the living is too hard. 

When the soul ache reaches deep. 

I hold on to Hope. 

I cling to the Rock that is higher than. 

God hears my cries. 

He knows my searing pain and shattered heart. 

He will fill me.

He alone will restore my joy. 

In Him alone will I rest. 

I am packing to go see my dad and brothers. 

My dad is much altered since I have seen him last. 

The memory thief  relentless in its pursuit. 

As cancer sought my mom, so the memory thief pursues my dad. 

Yet, I am reminded in the Ancient Word that each of these events passed through the Father's hand before they came to be. 

And if I claim to trust the One who allows these to happen, then I must trust the process. 

Our eyes need to be focused further ahead than the present circumstances. 

We are on but a journey in this world. 

What is to come is the greater gift. 

As the Holy Spirit fills the crevices and cracks of my weary soul, I am at peace. 

The silent screams softened to praises for my King. 

Hebrews 13:15

Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise--

the fruit of lips that openly profess his name.

The ache turned to uplifted eyes to the hills from which my strength comes. 

I breathe deep the heady scent of pine. 

The lights shimmer reflecting sparkling hues off the orbs surrounding them.

The Christmas Tree. 

A symbol of life. 

Life given on a cross for me for you. 

Our fragile hearts held, when we can bear it no longer. 

Praises offered to the King that came as a babe, for us. 

2 Corinthians 5:21

God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, 

so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

May your precious shattered heart become whole today,

 as the One who called you into being,

 fills the broken pieces with his immeasurable love. 

Chris Tomlin

Jesus Messiah