Living Life

A busy day. 

Nothing new; 

except the feeling. 

All day. 

Something. 

Not right. 

The Cast Party. 

Families. 

Dancers. 

Food. 

Decorating. 

Arabian Nights. 

Alladin. 

So much to do. 

Purposefully stepping one foot in front of the other. 

Work. 

Grief. 

Talk truth. 

Verse after verse. 

To my weary heart. 

Jeremiah 31:3

The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.

It just seemed so hard today. 

Pictures I hadn't ever seen. 

Quiet moments driving. 

Remembering. 

Finding it hard to believe he's really gone. 

That red hair. 

The silly, lopsided grin. 

I reach for words of truth. 

Isaiah 41:13

For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

Until I remembered.

 33 months. 

I stop in my tracks. 

Life is marching forward. 

I hadn't even remembered the date. 

I hadn't understood why the day was unsettled. 

The farm house is quieting down. 

Just the farm boy is stirring. 

The day is coming to a close. 

I have much to be thankful for. 

The evening spent with some of this area's finest young people and their families. 

Young people that have drawn along side of us and never let us go. 

I can't think of a better way to have spent this day. 

Preparing. 

Decorating. 

Creating. 

My farmer helping too. 

Now the day is done. 

It's time to rest. 

Continuing to step into truth. 

Remembering I am held. 

Good Night my Lijy. 

I still miss you with every fiber of my being. 

I loved your grin. 

That sparkle in your eye. 

It's how you looked at me the night you left. 

So excited. 

I will spend the rest of my days learning how to live without you. 

Stepping into the plan God has. 

Yielding to His ways. 

Trusting in the plan. 

Gaining strength that only He can provide. 

Keep my feet on solid ground. 

Show Me How What I Wanted Isn't Best For Me

It was Early Sunday Morning his Spirit left his earthly body. 

In the wee hours.
While the night was still dark. 

While I slept. 

My boy left this earth.

The shock of those days have lessened. 

They still fill me with a sickening feeling when I think of them. 

There is much I still do not know about that time. 

I can't. 

It was Sunday morning when the heaven's declared God's majesty.

Oh how our hearts ache.
We long for this to be a bad dream.
I want something I can never have.
Each morning I wrestle with the knowledge that Elijah will never come home. 
His room, still the same as the day he left.
Some clothes I can't bear to move.
Sometimes I feel stuck.
Like, if I wait long enough, things will change.
He will come home. 
So the struggle becomes the journey.
My soul needs to be recharged.
Refocused.
This is a daily task.
Sometimes moment by moment.
My heart hurts.
My family different.
There will always be a space.
Someone missing.
It will consume and over power me if I let it.
The negative thoughts, the pain.
I breathe deep. 
My prayer has become, "show me Lord ."

Psalm 5:8
Lead me, LORD, in your righteousness because of my enemies-- 
make your way straight before me.

Show me how to live this way.
Show me how what I wanted, wasn't best for me.
Change my heart. 
Show me where my steps should travel.
Place before me the folks I need to touch;
the folks that my soul needs.
God will equip me for the rest of this life's journey.
I will rest in the hope of a risen Savior.
I will cling to the Ancient Word.
 I find peace in the moment. 

Psalm 91:11
For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;

Dear Elijah

Dear Elijah,

Just writing your name warms my heart. 

It's been so long since I have heard your voice; 

cooked your favorite meals; watched you while you worked; 

or listened while you debated the issues of this world. 

The farm was visited once again by unmeasurable grace. 

A man who walks with bowed knee to the King of Kings,

bringing the fullness of Christ once again to this farm. 

The hands and feet of Jesus. 

The body of Christ. 

I watched in sheer wonder as they replaced the porch.
A boost.
An encouragement.
Grace. 

It is so beautiful. 

You would love it. 

There are no weak spots. 

It took no time at all to sweep. 

I sat with my cup of coffee and praised God this morning. 

As always, my thoughts turned to you, and how I miss you. 

How my soul longs for you. 

I ache to hug you and watch you become all that God would have.

I wanted you to meet all these wonderful people that came to the farm.
I wanted to introduce you when I introduced your brother and sisters. 

But you have arrived. 
You are experiencing all the Glory and wonder that God has in store for us. 

I just wanted to be there before you. 

These grace filled folks also completed the roof of the woodshed. 

 How proud you would be!

They added more rafters and they used NEW tin.
There is another who resides with you in our eternal home who had this vision as well.
His desire now fulfilled. 

Daddy and I stood underneath the shed with Mr Larson and I felt a little lighter. 

I felt the weight and burden of this place lift off a bit. 

I thought ahead to winter and how nice it will be for daddy to fill the boiler
 and not be digging through the snow. 

I hardly remember last winter. 

Your first winter not here. 
There was cancer and sickness and death lingering everywhere. 

Uncle Eric and others kept that boiler filled. 

I can't help but remember your eyebrows being singed and
the front of your red hair when you wore it longer. 

These are the things I think about as I swing on this new porch. 

The body of Christ is a beautiful thing.

1 Corinthians 12:26-27
If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, 
every part rejoices with it.Now you are the body of Christ, 
and each one of you is a part of it.

I am learning what it means to receive with gratitude. 

Handing guilt over to the Father. 

I rejoiced today as I sat on that swing. 

I gave thanks for the beautiful sunrise. 

I gave thanks for the amazing porch. 

I thanked God for you my dear son. And the 17 years you were here.
They were wonderful years.
I am blessed to have had them.

I am growing closer to God each day.
He is my light and my song.
One of your dear friends went through the waters of baptism today.

He stepped into the path of the richness of Christ.
You were not far from my thoughts.

You entering the waters of baptism.

The glorious public alliance with Christ.
Such a great day. 
I still have that piece of paper you hold in your hand.

I hold the paper.
You hold the hand of the one who paid the price for you.

I miss you. 



I sat at your grave today and cried the tears of a mommy's broken heart.

Tears I have wanted to shed all weekend. 
Tears of a grateful heart for a new deck I don't deserve.
Tears for the body of Christ and Community that continues to hold us.
Tears of a heart that misses my mom; all the things I long to tell her.
Tears of a heart that wonders how long her farmer has.
And tears for you my boy.
My precious son.

Each day I will continue to hand over the reigns of my life.
Letting God guide my path.
He writes my daily list. 
Longing to bring light to hurting souls.
All my love,
Mom

Colossians 3:17
And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, 
giving thanks to God the Father through him.

When The Dark Is Illuminated

They've taken the floor off the porch. 

Bare. 

Exposed beams and 26 years of darkness. 

Rags, pans, leaves all brought to light. 

Accumulated through the years. 

Like our sins. 

Hidden where no one can see.

Private. 

Yet choking. 

Holding you in bondage. 

While you wallow in the dark.

It isn't until the exposure that the cleaning; the healing, can begin. 

The light transcends the darkness .

It shatters what was. 

There is relief when the dark is illuminated. 

Hiding takes work. 

Much to conceal.

In the revealing is the grace. 

The area is cleaned and closed in again. 

The boards placed are beautiful. 

The old taken away so the new can come in. 

Our old life is gone. 

It will never be the same. 

It shouldn't be. 

We are being renewed.

Transformed each day into the likeness of Christ. 

2 Corinthians 3:18

And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord's glory, 

are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, 

which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

Carry On

They take the stage. 

The story about injustice, redemption, and restoration.

Grace. 

A changed life. 

They tell the story through dance. 

I marvel at the ease with which the movements flow. 

These children I bore. 

Expression through dance. 

Restoration. 

We all long for. 

To be made whole. 

Justice. 

Wars begin over injustice. 

Conflict.

Trouble. 

It takes one to start revival. 

Prayer. 

I Thessolonians

 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; 

for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Desire. 

A life lived surrendered to the One who is Peace. 

Daily laying down one's own Agenda to follow a better plan. 

Place your expectations for today at the foot of the cross. 

Let God guide your path. 

Psalm 119:105

Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path

Let Him determine your steps. 

We see the underside of the tapestry. 

He sees the masterpiece. 

I Said Yes, When Every Ounce Of Me Wanted To Shout, "No!"

I choke back the real answer I want to give. 

I hold my emotions in reserve. 

Every ounce of me wants to shout, "No!"

She wants to go to the drive in with her friends. 

She needs money. 

Another night spins in my head. 

I didn't want him to go. 

I asked him not to go. 

I give her the money. 

I make popcorn and put it in a bag. 

I want her to be small again. 

I want to bathe them all and read stories while they all fight for a space on my lap. 

I want to pray and hear their gratefulness for the day. 

And then I want to tuck them into bed. 

Kiss them good night. 

Lean into the door frame and silently pray a blessing over them.
Deep gratitude for being a mom. 

That was then. 

This is now. 

And now rips at my heart. 

The now forces my hand. 

I can not cave to fear. 

I John 4: 18

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.

 For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

The enemy seeks to devour. 

I will not fall. 

I will stand on the truth I know.

I thank God for my daughter.

I need to let her go. 

She needs to see the strength in me; not the fear. 

Psalm 23:4

Even though I walk through the darkest valley,

 I will fear no evil, for you are with me; 

your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

She needs to see that when I am weak, then I am strong. 

2 Corinthians 12:10

For when I am weak, then I am strong.

She is well aware of my angst. She texts and calls. 

I pray. 

She's been very understanding. 

But she still went. 

She stood her ground in a gentle and firm way. 

We made it through. 

I am exhausted from being up so late. 

Yet I am encouraged. 

She is much like her dad. 

Each moment a choice. A decision. 

Confident. 

A walk into peace. 

A peace that is above all earthly expectations. 

John 14:27

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. 

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Thank you God for the lessons you teach us. For the ways you force our hand to conform more to your likeness each day. Thank you for your gentle and loving spirit that carries us through. 

Thank you for loving us enough to change us. 

When The Missing Rises Up To Meet Me

The missing rises up to meet me. 

I drive past the site. The forever slams my soul hard.

I try to work through the pain. 

Shaking my head, I continue to drive.

My heart cries out to God. I beg for him to lift the hurt.
I want to hear Elijah's voice and cook him a meal. 

I am tired of his bed being empty. 

Never to return. 

I'm tired of hurting and aching; of longing. 

I say his name over and over. 

Elijah, Elijah, Elijah.

There is something soothing about saying his name. 

We chose his name. 

A prayer. 

A nudging from God. 

Call him, Elijah. 

I remember it clearly. 

Standing in the doorway to the barn. 

Heavy with child. 

The heat of the day upon us. 

Chore time. 

Lactating cows. 

Pulsation of the milking machines audible. 

Elijah. Call him Elijah. 

It's the only time I've ever been so sure of something in my life. 

A few months ago when my farmer was so sick from his treatments, I stayed home from church. 

I wanted to go. But couldn't. 

I was riddled with racking sobs. 

The missing, like today; rising to meet me. 

I glanced at a video. Service men surprising their families. 

The reunion.

Oh, the sweet reunion. 

The hugs and the warmth of knowing their loved ones are home. 

The tears start to fall. I will never welcome Elijah home. 

There is no sweet reunion this side of heaven. 

And my heart breaks. 

I cried out to the God of the universe. Why does it have to be this way?

Why does there have to be pain this side of eternity?

I let the sobs come. 

Relief that chemo was over and there was 1 more day of radiation. 

Pain over a desire to hug my son. To hear his step on the stair. 

All the million little things you know about your kids. 

And the future. The hope that we have in our children. 

Yet, I was reminded my journey is still here. With more children to raise. 

With a hope that God is building here. 

While my pain may never go away, the work for me to do is still here. 

I ran to God's word as my heart ached. 

I opened to Jeremiah. I didn't want to read that. 

I closed the bible and begged God to show himself to me. 

Please be my comfort. 

I opened the bible again, randomly and my eyes fell to an underlined passage.
The first word I saw were Elijah.
2 Kings 1:10
I read the passage.
Call it coincidence. I consider it a gift.
A gift I remember today when the missing is great. 
Elijah. The prophet. The Lord is my God.
Elijah taken up in a whirlwind in his death.
The similarities not missed.
We are a chosen people.
To lose sight of that is a weary journey.
To embrace the cross, that is the choice.
No matter where God may lead.
Each step through the pain and the plan.
Surrendering. 
A journey not easy.
Trusting each moment.
Resting fully in the hope and assurance of the things to come.
We are not alone.
God will make a way.

Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, 
for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

He Called Me "Tink"

He called me "Tink". 

Not one to show emotions or say endearing words.
Later it was thunder thighs.
His way of showing; teasing; by doing. 

A new deck. 

Remodel a room. 

My go between in a volatile relationship with mom.

Each week a different city for his job, he clocked many miles on his car. 

But he made it for my concerts. Showing up to surprise me. 

Fishing trips. 

Last minute Christmas shopping for mom. 

Drinks and hot dog night at the Yacht Club

Planning moms surprise 40th birthday party. 

Talking on the boat as we listened to the clips keep time on the masts. 

Now, we eat popsicles and read jokes.

We watch Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune and NCIS.

The memory thief  creeping in. 

Our conversations on the phone, repetitive.
A steady cadence I have grown to love.
This man who provided and loved in his own way.
His dad gone when he was 12.
Staunchly concerned about our image;  good grades.
Kind words.
Work hard.
Keep your nose clean, he would say.
Into everyone's life a little rain must fall.
He went to a different church.
But drove us to our Sunday School every week without fail.
No options.
No discussion.
I am grateful for that. 
We'd come home to Sunday dinner at it's finest.
Roast, potatoes, carrots.
Rolls.
We'd gather in the dining room.
I think back as to how he must have needed that time alone at home.
His home.
The home my mom meticulously care for.
His cooking; a way of serving. 

Chin up, Shoulders straight, Fly right,  He would tell us.
No matter how rough it gets.
God balanced the sweetness of mom with the practical of dad.

Dad's best advice to me was, marry your best friend. 
And I did. 
I inherited a Father in Law that words can not describe.
His love and devotion to his family beyond all things.
We miss him dearly.
His work ethic like none I have ever seen. . .
except in my husband. 

I have been blessed by a wonderful earthly Father and a devoted Father in Law.
God went further to allow me the gift of  watching my husband with his children.
Through the loss of a child; birth of a granddaughter and, the ravages of cancer and depression;

 I fall to my knees in awe and appreciation.
There stands a Godly man.

A Godly example of strength in the midst of grief.



Grit in the midst of cancer.
Faith through it all.

We have received much. 
Happy Father's Day;  Dad, Clayton and Gary.

Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance 
about what we do not see.

The Child Who Has Taught Me All About Timing, Is 15 Today

I wake with a start. 

The pressure strange. 

I struggle to my feet. 

The waters of life stir. 

It's time. 

I call the hospital. 

I call my mother in law. 

My farmer wakes as the alarm rings. 

His normal waking hour. 

I let him know it's time. 

This child already in tune with the milking schedule.

With 3 sleeping children in the house, we head toward life. 

It is quick. 

We barely make it to the hospital before the final pushes. 

Fast and furious. 

He arrives. 

A surprise.

We always wait. 

Cedric Trevor Davis.

Named for the Grandfather taken too soon; who worked and toiled the land.

Our precious son.

We are blessed.

The recovery easy.

Life continues.

Marches on.

Year after year. 

He is 15 today.

He will take his permit test tomorrow. 

It's time. 

He has grown 4 inches since we buried his brother. 

He stands head and shoulders above me.

He wrestles with all that life has thrown him. 

Part wreckless, part staunch responsibility. 

This boy who arrived so quickly and hasn't stopped since, is my joy.
He who does all, in his own timing.

There is something about mama's and their boys. 

One for me is no more. I hold onto this one.

I pray I don't hold too tight. 

I pray that God will spare him and his siblings. 

I plead for more time. 

I beg Him to allow the angel of death to never pass this way too early again. 

But was it too early?

All is in the palm of God's hand. 

All in it's time. 

I will spend a life time in knots if I hang on the edge.
Waiting on His timing takes all.

Reaching again for grace, I hold on to the now. 
Resting in the plan by One wiser than I. 
Knowing that all is in it's time.

The birth. 

The joy. The glory.
The memories. 

We celebrate. 

We rejoice.

Happy 15th Birthday Cedric.

Ecclesiastes 3:1
There is a time for everything, 
and a season for every activity under the heavens:

Turning Monday Around

I start complaining before I open my eyes. 

The birds are so loud. 

My shoulder hurts. 

It's burning. 

I need Advil.

I need coffee.

I need the Ancient Word.

But that means I have to get up. 

I am so bone weary tired. 

I need coffee; 

(I think I have already mentioned that)

which I didn't prepare like I usually do. 

Because I was so tired. 

I just want to sleep in; have no agenda for the day. 

No cows, calves to feed, milking, haying, laundry, book work, rides, school, schedules. 

I roll over. 

I usually wake handing the day over to God. 

Thanking him, no matter what, for the blessings. 

Today they are not coming. 

The sinking feeling of all is not well, is heavy on my heart. 

I roll out of bed. 

I trip on stuff on the floor. 

My room is a mess. 

I haven't been home long enough to accomplish anything. 

I make coffee. 

 I wait. 

The air feels heavy. 

I haven't looked at a weather forecast. 

It feels like it's going to be hot. 

My shoulder continues to ache. 

I head to take some Advil. 

There is none. 

Another reminder of all that I haven't done.

I have to take Tylenol.

I have got to go to the store. 

The list a mile long. 

Always something that needs to be done. 

All I want to do is crawl back in bed. 

Sleep.

Where memories can't hurt. 

Where the stabbing pain doesn't linger. 

What will that accomplish?

Messes will linger.

I will continue to trip over things. 

And I may miss the beauty or the blessing available for the day. 

We need to look. 

Have eyes wide open to see the glory God will display. 

At the races yesterday, I glanced out over the beautiful creation God has bestowed on us. 

Looking for beauty is work. 

It is pushing aside all that bogs down. 

Continuing to count a 1,000 gifts . . .again.

I am thankful for:

Beautiful landscapes

Rides with the son

Deep breaths

Days at the races

Time at the river with the girls and a spontaneous visit with a friend

Seeing other friends out walking on the property enjoying the day

borrowed trucks

Grace

Daughters snuggled on the couch

Grilling

Haying continuing even though we took the day off

Farmers helping farmers

Family living all around us

The art of counting the blessings

The heart that changes when it is touched by mercy and grace

Turning this Monday around. 

Fanning The Flame

I couldn't keep the flame going. 

I wanted to light a candle.

I found a match. 

I lit it from the gas stove. 

The flame would not stay lit. 

I had to cradle it. 

Protect the flame until the candle was lit. 

We are the light of the world. 

A city on a hill.

Matthew 5:14
You are the light of the world--
like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden

We need to protect our flame. 

It is so easily extinguished.
Keep the flame burning. 

The winds of the times blow and the flame flickers until it is gone. 

The flame is a fragile thing unless it is fanned and fueled.
The care intentional.
Purposeful.
I can be a crab. 
It's true.
Ask any member of my family.
Some days I have a right.
The kids have not cleaned up their clothes or belongings.
They are disrespectful and selfish.
And I speak to them about this.
But other times. 
I am just crabby.
I say things I shouldn't.
I speak before I have thought through. . . all of what I was going to say. 
(My farmer shakes his head)
I lash out. 
Sometimes I even pout. At my age.
I should know better.
But sometimes it feels good.
I know better. 
I need to fan the flame. I need to make sure that it won't go out.
Our flames are fanned by the very things we do to keep our focus in the right place.

I withdrew this week. 
I stepped away from the chaos and craziness.
It wasn't easy.
I struggle with guilt.
I wrestle with all that needs to be done.

Luke 5:15
And he withdrew himself into the wilderness, and prayed.

I didn't withdraw alone. 

A former colleague and I plan a get away every year.
Usually during a vacation.
This year has been difficult.
Her mom took her final breath and walks in Glory now.
So we wait until now.
We talk.
We cry.
We remember.
I can feel the flame grow stronger. 
I worry about the house, my farmer, the kids.
I text often.
My farmer sends me a cute text with a quote from the movie, Mom's Night Out.
I laugh, but I know he wants me to be happy.
I feel the flame stronger. 
My friend and I laugh.
We talk of faith.
We remember the years gone by.

And still the flame grows stronger. 
When we reach out and fan that flame, we keep it strong.
In the quiet I read the Ancient Word.
I drink a hot cup of coffee.
I continue to fan the flame.
I breathe deep.
I praise God for each of these blessings.
For the gift of the flame and grace He gives to keep it going.

What are you doing today to fan that flame? 

I've Never Tried To Be A Good Parent. . . Until Now

I want to be the best parent I can. 

I don't think this has ever occurred to me. 

Not that I wanted to be a poor parent. 

I just did what needed to be done. 

I didn't think about it.

When the kids were little I taught. 

There wasn't much time for anything. 

I haven't really looked to others.

Honestly. 

I didn't have that great of a relationship with my mom. 

Yes, it's true.
God helped us to make it what it became. 

So, I just did the opposite of what she did. 

Yes, it's true too. 

Oh, there are some things that have been similar but mostly I prayed and trusted God. 

I never read a parenting book until my 5th child was born. 

And then they were the titles like "How to Have a New Kid by Friday"

And "The Most Important Place on Earth."

Books that helped me in my environment.

This urgency to be the best parent I can comes from having one of those babes deep in the earth. 

It comes from the "I wonder's". 

When the kids misbehaved or were persnickety. I would say they would grow out of it. 

Someday they won't be like that. They will appreciate the rides, etc. someday.

But, for one, someday will never come. 

And all the later's are gone. 

So I want the right now's to count.

Each and every moment. 

Because I may never have another. 

Oh, I know it won't be perfect. 

There will still be those days. 

But I want to make sure there are fewer of those days. 

I want to listen better. 

Love more. 

I am not so concerned about the SAT's and the ACT's. 

I am not so concerned about the Advanced Placement classes. 

Because you know what?

I want them to be the best they can be while enjoying themselves. 

Becoming confident in who they are as a child of God.
Knowing there is a God that loves them unconditionally.
No matter what. 

Life is not a race.
It's not about being in every activity and class available.
Making sure the kids are "happy". 

It's about being intentional as you go. 

It's not about coming out on top. 

It's about who you extended grace to. 

It's not about taking aggressive classes. 

It's about knowing how to learn. 

It's about serving; being the hands and feet of Jesus.
It's about a relationship with a risen savior.
Deep peace and confidence in who they are for the long run.

I have a long way to go. 

But I long to be on a journey where God continually molds me into his image. 

For we are image bearers. 

I may not have my son. 

But I have the God of the Universe. 

I may not understand his ways. . . at all. 

I don't even like his ways right now. . . at all.

But I trust him. 

The rest of my parenting journey I want to be different. 

Because I am different. 

I will never be same. 

And I don't ever want to be. 

When You Need To Refocus

A new beginning. 

Another Bridal Shower. 

Such hope and sweetness on the horizon. 

The planning and fun of a party. 

Fellowship and food.
Women gathering to bless each other.

A warm, sunny afternoon.

Leisurely strolls through the meadow. 

Deep breathes of fresh air and peace. 

But it's raining. 

I want it to be sunny.
But it's not.
I think we might have to be inside.
But that's ok.
We'll go with the flow.
It's so much easier to yield to the circumstances.
When we resist, there's strife.

Isaiah 55:9
"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
 so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

There's a plan. 

There always is. 

It's better to go with it, than fight. 

The radiance from the bride will be so bright it won't matter if it's indoor's or out. 

Such a beautiful image of our Savior. 

When we focus on Him; the brilliance will over shadow any other thing.

May your focus be on all that is brilliant today. 

I Chose An Evening Stroll. How Do You Choose?

It's getting late. 

Some days farm work feels like it will never end. 

The cows need more feed. There is not enough grass. 

It is so hard to stay optimistic. 

It's a nice night. 

It is just Ella and I. 

So we head up to the barn. 

We walk through the field.

The field Elijah and I worked in.

The field we wrapped and stacked bales. 

The memories are so vivid and real. 

Dobie comes with a load of manure for the pack barn.

The rhythm of the day. 

The comradery of farming neighbors. We chat for a bit. 

The farmer smiles.Yes, He smiles.  He tells a funny story. 

I wonder how many stories have been told by farmers on this land? 

Ella wants to drive the Swinger. 

I say no. 

The farmer says yes. 

I am amazed at how well she drives. 

Clearly driving lessons have been happening long before this moment.

She heads over to the barn. 

Those cows still need another bale.

She helps to place the bale into the shredder. 

My baby. 

No longer a baby. 

She loves being here. 

Ana helped milk and feed calves the other day. 

Ella today helps to shred the bale.

She backs the Swinger out of the barn like a pro.

Life is marching on.
I am glad we came out tonight.
I had a list a mile long, because the older kids were gone.
(Ok, I really just had a few ideas in my head)
This, by far, was the better choice.

These are happy cows, contrary to what California thinks.
Seriously.
See, she even smiled for me.
Each day we pack our hearts with as much grace as we can muster.
2 Corinthians 12:9
My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness

The pastures are so peaceful. I gaze around at the new life springing before us.
The land a colorful palette of greens.
The master artist created such beauty and wonder for us to behold.
We need to have eyes to see.
We need to have a heart that is yielding.
We need to chose how we will live.
God will do his work.
He always does what He says He will do.
He never grows tired or weary.
Isaiah 40:28
Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God,
 the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, 
and his understanding no one can fathom.

Oh your cry has been heard, and the ransom
Has been paid up in full, be ye glad. 
Oh be ye glad, oh be ye glad.
Every debt that you ever had.
Has been paid up in full by the grace of the Lord
Be ye glad, be ye glad, be ye glad.