Calves! They're Everywhere!

Sunshine spilled over the mountain this morning. 

Cool mornings force us to use heat. 

Hot coffee awaits me as I stumble to the kitchen. 

I run the schedule through my head. 

I beat eggs and try not to burn toast. 
I burn eggs and the toast is safe. 

I continue the run through of the schedule. 

There's school work and book work. 

Calves need to be feed. 

Oh those calves! 

They're everywhere!

Calves always mean Spring here on the farm. 

The Winter is shedding it's skin. 

Milk production will return to a more comfortable place. 

The "hold your breath" feelings dissipate a bit. 

Cash flow begins to improve. 

This year, however, we are in the final stages of transitioning to Organic. 

This will complete a challenging year long process. 
Life is like that. 
Challenging. 
Needing to go the distance. 
We can't be sure what will happen. 
We can trust. 
Each calf that is born is a gift. 
New life. 
Some days the mama's do what they were created to do. 
There are no problems. 
Other days there is trauma and trouble. 
The outcome not so pleasant. 
Through each of those births my farmer waits patiently. 
He watches. 
He lets the mama's do their thing. 

Yet he is never far. 

It is the picture of our Holy God. 
He is never far. 
He waits.
Patiently. 

Genesis 28:15
I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until 
I have done what I have promised you."

New Life

I hold her baby.

A beautiful bundle of sweetness.

 I look at this girl.

This beautiful mom. 

I think how blessed I am. 

I am the step mom. 

A woman she did not ask for in her life. 

Circumstances beyond her control. 

Yet, she has opened her heart and let me in. 

She has shared so much of who she is with me. 

She's daddy's girl you know. 

And another stole her heart.  

And now I hold her second born. 

I want to weep. 

I want to weep for my boy. 

I want to weep for all that will not be. 

And all that will be. 

The pace of life travelling on. 

Moving. 

Ebbing. 

It's hard to catch your breath sometimes. 

You want to stay in the here and now. 

Press on. 

Move forward. 

Yet the tension remains of leaving behind part of your heart;

 part of who you are. 

I hold the newest child. 

Evie Ann Brittain. 

She joins big sister, Lilah Rose Brittain

Who, only the other day, seemed to be the baby. 

The future. 

Hope. 

Isaiah 43:19

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; 

do you not perceive it? 

I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

Each day is a risk. 

We choose to love and live. 

We choose joy. 

We are not guaranteed anything. 

Moments lived to make minutes; which become a lifetime. 

All held in the Father's hand. 

So I breathe in the scent of baby. 

I close my eyes. 

Here is the next generation. 

The oldest Farm girl will pass down the stories 

and all that farm life encompasses. 

She will nurture the hope that comes. 

We will share about her Uncle. 

Uncle Elijah. 

We will share his love for his Creator. 

My farmer and I will watch. 

We will guide when asked. 

We will marvel. 

We will give praise for new life.

Summer

Summer.

New Beginnings.

Endless days. 

Special moments. 

New Chapters. 

New life. 

Relaxing.

Matthew 11:28

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Lift Your Head Weary Sinner

David Crowder

Can You Stop And Turn? Do You Have What It Takes?

It's the 28th. 

 Sunday. 

14 months.

Months, days, weeks, moments of missing. 

Days of seeking who God is; who am I in Him. 

I wake again today to the fight to get up. 

My soul is heavy. 

I cry out to Jesus. 

I just want to burrow in. 

Sleep some more. 

My heart;

Needs to change

There was a double sleep over last night. 

Church to attend, a rehearsal for a performance. 

And it leaves me with tears pooling and a heart constricting. 

There is no milk.

The keys to the van are missing. 

The other car is not working right. 

I need to make breakfast.

We have places to be. 

And all I want to do is be quiet. 

Run. Hide. 

I had planned a fun day to be away from the farm. 

To be together with family and friends. 

It seems to be unraveling. 

And my response is tense and harsh. 

The hot, churning within. 

These are the moments when we need to seek the holy. 

Not when we're all dressed and looking pretty. 

Now; in the dirt and grim; in the hot and churning. 

With tears pooling and words spewing. 

It is in these moments when we remove our gaze from the circumstances. 

We're so entrenched in the war we can not see the victory beyond. 

Even in the turmoil and grit, we can seek the holy. 

It's when we should seek. 

A walk with Christ is not when you're perfect and without sin; when all is going well. 

It's for the sinners and the downcast. 

For the lost and seeking. 

The broken and hurting. 

We are a people in need. 

When I was a little girl I loved to read. 

I would easily get lost in a book. 

I wouldn't hear my mother's call. 

The world around me faded. 

The characters; real.

The adventures; mine

In my closet I created a space with a pillow and a blanket. 

A flashlight. A journal and a pen (just in case I needed to write)

There I would sit for hours reading by flashlight. 

Undisturbed.

Content. 

Today I long for that quiet space; with pillows all around. 

The safety and holy.

The world is tipped on edge for me. 

And if I am not careful I will tip too. 

The chaos will not go away. 

Life begats life. 

And there is still much life. 

I turn to meet this attack boldly. 

I will face the chaos head on. 

I will look the pain in the eye. 

These circumstances will not change. 

But my response can. 

This is the work it takes. 

Isaiah 40:29

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

We need to consciously turn toward what God has for us. 

Websters definition ~

  turn-to cause (something or a side of something) to face an opposite or different direction

Psalm 119:57-64

I have considered my ways and have turned my steps to your statutes. 

I will hasten and not delay to obey your commands. 

Make an about face today. 

Take the time to turn. 

The breathtaking landscape around us is turning. 

It is shedding the old for the new; hope in Spring. 

We too can shed all that holds us. 

All that brings us down. 

Repent. 

Lay it all at the foot of the cross. 

And turn toward new life, new hope. 

In Christ. 

The struggle will end. 

It may not be this side of eternity. 

But we can meet the holy here. 

We can be filled and strengthened for the work that still needs to be done. 

We just need to turn. 

10th Avenue North. 

 Worn

Even In The Searing Pain; We are Not Abandoned

I want to avoid his room. 

I haven't been in for a while. 

Sometimes the weight of the pain is crushing. 

I bring laundry up the stairs and turn away quickly. 

I pick up and work for a while. 

When it's time to go downstairs. 

I avoid looking. 

It's been a year. . . and a week. 

How can I do this long term?

How can I survive this piercing pain? 

Some days it is so hard to function. 

I am distracted. 

Unsettled. 

Sad. 

Each moment needing to change my focus and reach for more. 

Seeking the beauty in the struggle. 

We can be consumed by despair. 

Driven by emotions. 

Justifying actions. 

The course has been set. 

Who am I to question? 

How great the pain of searing loss,

The Father turns his face away

As wounds which mar the Chosen One, 

Bring many sons to glory

We sing the lyrics. 

My heart hurts. 

The Father turns his face away

The sinless Savior was abandoned.

He bore my sin. 

God turned from Him. 

For me. 

I can barely breathe. 

He turned his face. 

Yet, I am given the promise. 

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, 

for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; 

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I have been extended mercy.

Why should I gain from His reward? 
I can not give an answer.
But this I know with all my heart
 His wounds have paid my ransom. 

He will never leave me. 

He will never forsake me.

2 Corinthians 4:8-9
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; 
perplexed, but not in despair;persecuted, 
but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

He has never left my side. 

Even in the pain of searing loss. 
He has lifted my feet to solid ground.
His face will never turn from us.
He will always be waiting.
Longing for us.
Until He returns.

No one is beyond His love.
No one is beyond His redemption.
He is waiting.
In repentance; forgiveness and restoration await.

The Child Who Has Taught Me All About Timing, Is 15 Today

I wake with a start. 

The pressure strange. 

I struggle to my feet. 

The waters of life stir. 

It's time. 

I call the hospital. 

I call my mother in law. 

My farmer wakes as the alarm rings. 

His normal waking hour. 

I let him know it's time. 

This child already in tune with the milking schedule.

With 3 sleeping children in the house, we head toward life. 

It is quick. 

We barely make it to the hospital before the final pushes. 

Fast and furious. 

He arrives. 

A surprise.

We always wait. 

Cedric Trevor Davis.

Named for the Grandfather taken too soon; who worked and toiled the land.

Our precious son.

We are blessed.

The recovery easy.

Life continues.

Marches on.

Year after year. 

He is 15 today.

He will take his permit test tomorrow. 

It's time. 

He has grown 4 inches since we buried his brother. 

He stands head and shoulders above me.

He wrestles with all that life has thrown him. 

Part wreckless, part staunch responsibility. 

This boy who arrived so quickly and hasn't stopped since, is my joy.
He who does all, in his own timing.

There is something about mama's and their boys. 

One for me is no more. I hold onto this one.

I pray I don't hold too tight. 

I pray that God will spare him and his siblings. 

I plead for more time. 

I beg Him to allow the angel of death to never pass this way too early again. 

But was it too early?

All is in the palm of God's hand. 

All in it's time. 

I will spend a life time in knots if I hang on the edge.
Waiting on His timing takes all.

Reaching again for grace, I hold on to the now. 
Resting in the plan by One wiser than I. 
Knowing that all is in it's time.

The birth. 

The joy. The glory.
The memories. 

We celebrate. 

We rejoice.

Happy 15th Birthday Cedric.

Ecclesiastes 3:1
There is a time for everything, 
and a season for every activity under the heavens:

Sometimes He Does; Sometimes He Doesn't

She asked for a banana and she was given 92.

Just one. That's all she asked for. 

An impossible situation.

She was a prisoner in New Guinea during the war.

A missionary placed in a prison camp. 

Then accused of being a spy. 

Faith like a mountain. 

In the cold hard cell, Darlene Deibler Rose  gave thanks for the tile. 

It meant she was out of the dirt. 

A blessing. 

She counted her 1,000 gifts right there in the prison cell. 

A woman alone.

Her husband taken from her and gone the way of the saints. 

She was starving and diseased. 

She longed for a banana.

Ephesians 3:20
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, 
according to his power that is at work within us,

Her diet consisting only of rice. 

The God of all creation sent not one banana, but 92. 

He didn't have to. 

Sometimes he doesn't.
And sometimes he does.
He is good either way.

Psalm 100:5
For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; 
his faithfulness continues through all generations.

Our desire is to serve; to seek and be changed.
He uses the circumstances in our lives to mold and shape us.
To encourage others along this journey.
We may not like all we go through.

The way hard.
It is all for His glory.
Many of us have never had to suffer.
We have had much at our disposal. We lack for little.
So when hard times come we shout how unfair it is.
All the while our character is being shaped and likened unto the Father.

We have been told there will be trials.
We have been told how we should respond.

James 1:2-4
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 
because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 
 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Persevering requires dying to oneself; daily. 

Casting off all that hinders our walk. 

We long for peace, and ease this side of eternity; yet are promised trials and tribulations. 

As our troubles increase, he will all the more pour his grace out in abundance. 

He does it each day. 

His mercies sweet. 

Have eyes to see. 

Have a heart willing to yield. 

Isaiah 43:19

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? 

I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

The Only Way To Live When All Else Is Falling Apart Around You

Our first calf of the New Year is born on the coldest day.

 I don't understand the ways of this world.

 I never will. 

The calf survived, thanks to the quick thinking of our helpers. 

New life.

 Fresh starts.

 I have a cousin that is mourning the loss of her sweet unborn baby.

 Oh how my heart resonates.

 I too have lost what I did not know and have lost the prayed for child after that loss. 

New life. 

It's what God gives us when we surrender to him. 

When we lay it all down because we can't do it alone. 

It is the only life I want. 

When all else is falling apart around you;

it's the only way to live. 

John 10:10

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; 

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Missing you Elijah, so much today.

The Juxtaposition of Life And Death, Welcome Lilah Rose

It is the middle of the day.

I am at the grocery store doing a full shopping for the first time.

My phone rings.

It is Adam.

It is 12:43 p.m.

I feel warm and peaceful inside.

The first time in almost 3 months.

There is new life on the way. 

They are at the hospital.

He will call when he knows more. 

Before I move on from the place I am, I receive another message from him. 

She is 9 cm dilated. 

It will not be long. 

That girl has done all the hard work before she got to the hospital. 

She had gone to work. And come home not feeling well. 

They head to the hospital. 

And Miss Lilah Rose was born 3 hours later.

Chelsea.

Born of farming blood. 

Women who work hard.

Sacrifice much. 

Speak little. 

So foreign to my loud and whiny history. 

This has always intrigued me. 

These quiet strong men and women. 

And we head to Maine. 

We pack up and leave just like that. 

We don't question or think twice.

Grace fills the farm with folks who nod yes to extra chores.

Because they too know that time is precious. 

Because we have learned how fragile life is. 

We don't waste a moment. 

And by 8:00 p.m. we are holding new life. 

Psalm 139:13

For you created my inmost being; 

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

Surprisingly memories of my births do not rush forward.

Instead I wonder in awe at the child/woman I have to helped nurture and her husband.

I am over come by the beauty of that love and the grace of new life. 

The pains that she went through to bring life. 

New life.

Abundant life. 

Grace.

Given at a price. 

I hold that sweet Lilah. I breathe in deep.

 Deep into my hurting soul. 

Deep into the places that are tender, with searing pain. 

 I look as our family picture has forever been altered. 

But as God takes; He also gives.

I watch as each of our earthly children hold their new niece. 

They all love babies. 

Every one.

None afraid to hold. 

All with wonder and awe. 

Seeking out tiny fingers, noticing opening eyes, cooing words of love to this new life. 

And I give thanks for this. 

For you are good Lord, so good. 

Job1:21

And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, 

and naked shall I return thither: 

the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.

You are good and your Mercy is forever. 

Even when we have lost, even when we hurt, 

even when we want to turn because this pain is too hard to bear. 

You are still so good. 

Happy First Anniversary Chelsea and Adam

A year ago, on a dreary day such as today.

We created our own sunshine.

Vows were exchanged and a new journey began.

A beautiful little girl.

Grew to love this man.

And when he came to us to ask if he could have her hand in marriage. . .

Her daddy said, "No, no, no."

And then after a conversation and hugs.

We both gave our blessing.

 Such a beautiful bride.

So many dreams.

Such a future before them.

And even though you know she is arriving by tractor. . .

When you hear the engine start, your heart, for a moment wishes she were young again.

Certain sounds bring such wonderful memories.

Where did all the time go?

A few tears escape.

The music starts,

and her daddy begins his final task.

He will hand his precious girl to the man of her dreams.

 

Scripture was read by the one who now resides with the King of Kings.

So much changed in a year. . .

The two have now become one. 

On the farm of her birth.

And they lived happily ever after.

I am serious. 

Look at them.

And in the midst of deep sorrow, 

we are getting ready to celebrate,

New Life.

Happy Anniversary Chelsea and Adam.