As I grapple with this new life, I trust that God will guide my steps. When waves of grief flood my soul and I think I can not bear it any longer. . .it is too much. When all of me wants to scream, No! This can't be. A peace steals over my being. It is a peace not as the world gives. . .
John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.
I do not give to you as the world gives.
A hard thing on this journey is the missing.
The longing. . . heart wrenching, yearning to see him again.
But we get stuck. . .with the details of this life. And there is beauty here.
We will all too quickly see the that beauty displayed in a majesty of color as fall approaches.
We see beauty in a new born baby, the giving of covenant vows. . .never to be broken.
But if this is all we see. If this is all that stirs our hearts. . . we are missing the greatest gift ever given.
The beauty that comes with a life surrendered to the Lord of Lords and the assurance of eternal life is the greatest gift one can find.
We went to look for vans today. This is day 2 of our search and I am almost paralyzed in making a decision . . . It pronounces loudly that our van is gone, our son is in heaven and I need to move on. I am stuck. . .I don't want to move on. I am anxious. I don't want to spend any money. I don't know what is the right decision. I am stuck. And it is because I have taken my eyes off the One who will not let a sparrow fall. I need to dig through the fog and cling to what I know.
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns,
and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
God knows our needs even better than I. And I am going to rest in his unfailing love and trust.
You raise me up. . .to more than I can be. . .