It's the 28th.
Months, days, weeks, moments of missing.
Days of seeking who God is; who am I in Him.
I wake again today to the fight to get up.
My soul is heavy.
I cry out to Jesus.
I just want to burrow in.
Sleep some more.
Needs to change
There was a double sleep over last night.
Church to attend, a rehearsal for a performance.
And it leaves me with tears pooling and a heart constricting.
There is no milk.
The keys to the van are missing.
The other car is not working right.
I need to make breakfast.
We have places to be.
And all I want to do is be quiet.
I had planned a fun day to be away from the farm.
To be together with family and friends.
It seems to be unraveling.
And my response is tense and harsh.
The hot, churning within.
These are the moments when we need to seek the holy.
Not when we're all dressed and looking pretty.
Now; in the dirt and grim; in the hot and churning.
With tears pooling and words spewing.
It is in these moments when we remove our gaze from the circumstances.
We're so entrenched in the war we can not see the victory beyond.
Even in the turmoil and grit, we can seek the holy.
It's when we should seek.
A walk with Christ is not when you're perfect and without sin; when all is going well.
It's for the sinners and the downcast.
For the lost and seeking.
The broken and hurting.
We are a people in need.
When I was a little girl I loved to read.
I would easily get lost in a book.
I wouldn't hear my mother's call.
The world around me faded.
The characters; real.
The adventures; mine
In my closet I created a space with a pillow and a blanket.
A flashlight. A journal and a pen (just in case I needed to write)
There I would sit for hours reading by flashlight.
Today I long for that quiet space; with pillows all around.
The safety and holy.
The world is tipped on edge for me.
And if I am not careful I will tip too.
The chaos will not go away.
Life begats life.
And there is still much life.
I turn to meet this attack boldly.
I will face the chaos head on.
I will look the pain in the eye.
These circumstances will not change.
But my response can.
This is the work it takes.
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
We need to consciously turn toward what God has for us.
Websters definition ~
turn-to cause (something or a side of something) to face an opposite or different direction
I have considered my ways and have turned my steps to your statutes.
I will hasten and not delay to obey your commands.
Make an about face today.
Take the time to turn.
The breathtaking landscape around us is turning.
It is shedding the old for the new; hope in Spring.
We too can shed all that holds us.
All that brings us down.
Lay it all at the foot of the cross.
And turn toward new life, new hope.
The struggle will end.
It may not be this side of eternity.
But we can meet the holy here.
We can be filled and strengthened for the work that still needs to be done.
We just need to turn.
10th Avenue North.