Showing posts with label It is well with my soul. Show all posts
Showing posts with label It is well with my soul. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

A re-posting of: What You Are Unprepared For

These are words I typed out in the dark of the night this day last year. 
A heart longing for direction in the midst of grief. 
A heart that still longs to hear the voice of God. 
A heart still longing for the pieces to be placed back in the fragile shattered heart. 

September 10, 2013 What You Are Unprepared For

What do you do with the book you find;
given to Elijah from Nana on the event of Clarissa's birth?
For a moment your heart skips. . .and you are brought back to that day.
You can hear the sounds.
You can hear your moms voice.
You can see your sons excitement over a present.
He loved books.
Now they both call heaven their home.
Only 7 months apart.
And the ache is deep.
I am still mourning my mom. . .
And now I grieve the loss of our son. . .


Today was a tough day.
I miss my boy.
Yet it was beautiful out.
 I went for a walk.
  I met a friend on her way home from work and she stopped.
She understood.
 She gave me a hug and went on her way.
Sometimes all we need is a hug and a word of reassurance.
My journey needs to continue.
God left me here.
He didn't call me home.
My work is not done.

Ephesians 2:10
For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, 
which God prepared in advance for us to do.

I find myself drawn to Elijah's grave.
I don't know why.
He's not there. 
But it is quiet. 
 I read my bible.


I read in I Chronicles about David having the Levites returning the Ark of the Covenant.
David inquired of the LORD how it was to be done.
 I am asking the LORD, how does this grieving happen?
How do we do this?

I Chronicles 16:10, says, 
" Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice. Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always. Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles and the judgments he pronounced. 

Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 - 4
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the sun: a time to be born and a tine to die. . .a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. 

I know I need to trust with all my heart.
I need to remember what God has done.
He does what He says He will do. 
I need to be open to God's healing. And I need to remain in The Ancient Word
I will continue to do these things.
"Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me,
( 3 beats Elijah played. . .and I long to hear)
let me be singing when the evening comes."

LORD, I want to be singing when the evening comes.
I want to see all your goodness.
And I long to serve you with  all I am.


Psalm 90:4
For a thousand years in your sight are like a day that has just gone by, 
or like a watch in the night. 

Sunday, July 27, 2014

His Chains Are Gone. . .. He's Been Set Free

His chains are gone. He's been set free. 
All he knows is peace and more peace. 


It is we, who are left behind that need the prayers. 
We walk the hard road. 


We have walked the year to a different beat. 
Longing for a familiar cadence. 


Not to be. 
Walking the road of grief; blindsided by cancer. 
Uplifted by grace of a community. 
Reminders continually of the strength we need to persevere. 
The unthinkable has happened. 
It has been a year of firsts. 
A year with out my mom a year with out my son. 
A year with cancer. 
I can't imagine a future without Elijah. 
So I will take one day at a time. 
We will continue to embrace with gratitude, each moment. 
We will revel in the small things. 
We will share the message of hope with all who will listen. 
My journey is not over. 
Though days I long for it to be
I will seek the work still needed to be done. 
Will you make a difference in this world? 
Will a corner be different because you cared? 
If maybe for a moment you stopped;
turned, and gave. 
What a difference we could make. 
It doesn't take a lot. 
It takes a little of us all working together to make a lot of difference. 
We can change the world by offering one nice comment. 
Extending grace. 
One act of kindness a day. 
Elijah's life ended abruptly. 
The course of events changed forever. 
My hopes and dreams shattered. 
My soul weary from grief. 
Through it all one thing has remained. 
We knew where he was going. 
We have a sweet assurance. 
The journey to the cross difficult and riddled with pain. 
But it is the way. 
There is hope.
There is solid ground. 
I will praise my Savior; each and every moment. 

Psalm 43:5
Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? 
Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, 
my Savior and my God.

As we sat in the waiting room before the funeral. 
We sang Amazing Grace
I missed my mom. 
I longed for my boy. 
Thank you all for walking this journey with our family. 
For loving our children. 
For being the hands and feet of Jesus. 
This song has ministered to my heart this year along with many others. 
I have been set free. 
My sinful soul is covered by His amazing grace. 
May you all know that grace. 
That unconditional love. 




Friday, July 25, 2014

It Is Well With Me. . . .Because Of Him


It's been a year. 
A year since we were outside harvesting the sunshine for winter. 
Working together. 
Spurred on by the holy spirit I went to the barn. 
2  kids off at camp.
The other 2, with friends. 
So I went to the barn. 
To be with my son and my farmer. 


I wrapped bales. 


I slowed the process. 
I wrote on bales.
Messages for the dark of winter.






I wrote on one bale in particular;


which we found months later.
When the battle of cancer versus chemo and radiation was waging. 
I didn't know, how precious this would become, that sunny day we baled. 
Grateful for a day of sunshine. 
My heart was full. 
I rejoiced. 
I prayed over and over those bales.
I wrote prayers of gratitude.
Begging God to reap a harvest where there seemed to be none. 
Little did I know how my world was about to shatter.


In a little over 48 hours I would never spend another moment with this beautiful red head. 
I am so glad I spent this day with him. 
We laughed. 
I wrote on those bales for all to see.
I thought when he was gone to boot camp there would be a great memory. 
I Love You Elijah!
He knew. 
And now he knows in full. 
He understands a mothers love even better than I do. 
The questions he wrestled with are answered. 
Oh, but how I long for this boy. 
Memories swirl in my head. 
I wonder how I can live another day without my son. 
And yet another day passes.
I am renewed. 
Isaiah 40:31
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. 
They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, 
they will walk and not be faint.

I am here. 
Breathing in and out.
Placing one foot in front of the other.
Seeking strength. 
Resting. 
Being filled.
Finding joy through this storm.
Yielding my spirit to the Giver of Life.
He is my strength, my life, my hope.

It is well with me. . . because of Him.



Saturday, July 5, 2014

What Our Sick Souls Need

She's sick in the night. 
The 5th to succumb to this stomach bug that is making it's way through the family. 
The birthday girl. 


Sick.
Physically.
Weak and in need.
I have been up for long hours each night. 
It's been years since we've had a stomach bug. 
Now the youngest. 
Aren't we all sick?
Spiritually sick? 
Our bodies inching towards death each day? 
Our weary souls sick with sin?
The deep dark place. 
In need of redemption. 
Cleansing. 
A daily walk to the cross. 
Being washed anew. 



Psalm 51:7
Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, 
and I will be whiter than snow.

The darkness shattered. 
Stepping into immeasurable light.
Practice in putting others first. 
Setting our desires aside to seek God's will. 
Seeking truth in matters before us. 
When our sick souls are sanctified, aren't we a new creation? 

2 Corinthians 5:7
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: 
The old has gone, the new is here!

Ah, to be made well. 
Soul cleansing well. 
Big deep breath well.
We'll pray for the wee one to be physically well. 
While living to be spiritually well. 

Hebrews 13:21
equip you with everything good for doing his will, 
and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ,
 to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.