Sweet Peace
God has given me a gift in the midst of all this tragedy.
Sleep.
Each night I have been able to sleep.
This is a gift and I know it. I am grateful for it.
But it is the morning that is agony.
It seems so unreal.
I want to hear his voice.
I want to hear his steps on the porch after chores,
knowing he is waiting for something to eat!
I want to make batches and batches of cookies for him.
I want to feel his hug.
Rub the stubble of his hair.
And hold his big hands.
I want to yell at him for leaving his clothes everywhere.
Each morning I wake through a fog and all
the magnitude of what has happen comes crashing down.
My heartaches; I can barely breathe.
Yet this morning, I chose, before the weight of the grief came,
I sang. . .
The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning
It's time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes
It's time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes
`from 10.000 Reasons to sing.
The events of the past few days have brought my old life to a halt.
An ending.
I will always be defined as before the accident. . . and after.
I am now the mom of 5 not 6.
But did you know there was already another life
growing and preparing to make her entrance?
Chelsea is with child.
Within her is new life; and the promises that come
with new beginnings.
There is hope.
It is out there
and I am going to desperately cling to it.
I seek only today to glorify God. I will trust and I will rest.
Elijah, I will try to have my first cup of coffee today since you left us.
I will miss drinking coffee with you.
There are a thousand things I will miss.
xoxoxox
10,000 Reasons <3 I love you, Tammy Searle Davis!! Love, Dena
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on the upcoming addition to your family. I hope each day brings you healing.
ReplyDeleteYour strength inspires me. Your faith is amazing.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you and your family. I am so very sorry for your loss but your faith in God will help you through. One day at a time. . .
ReplyDeleteThank you so very very much for the beauty of your words, and for sharing vulnerably with us all. Your family is.... beautiful, eternal, and everlasting.
ReplyDeleteI know that *you are part of His Higher Plan*
as, you and Gary are rocks of faith, clinging to the ROCK of Ages,
and you are saving many.
Trust me when i say to you that at the church, when Glenn presented the Gospel call,
as i wondered, i heard the Voice, and it said to me:
"yes, you _will_ "see that guy again one day" - for, you have Life Eternal with Me."
...and I still feel this certitude two days later.
so Hallelujah.
may the Lord bless you and keep you.
ReplyDeletemay the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you
may the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace.
loving you, mourning you loss and praying for you...from Indiana
Tammy, so glad I found this blog to read and realize, once again, how priceless our faith and hope in Jesus Christ is. Several weeks ago when I sent you that message about that song....never did we realize you would be clinging to those words yet once again. Those words, however, speak truth, life and healing. It is what we are called to do, and He will make it possible for us....regardless of the circumstance. God Bless you my sweet friend.
ReplyDeleteYour writing is so eloquent, I can feel your pain, thank you for sharing. This is simply a burden no one can hold on their own
ReplyDeleteOh Tammy , my heart breaks a little more with each post,picture, song that you share . You will always be a mother to 6 . Your boy lives on in your heart and soul and with all those that loved him . Your faith and strength and grace just amaze me . Thinking of you and wishing you peace . I read a quote the other day ....When someone you love is in Heaven, then Heaven is in your home ....sending much love , Tricia . Xo .
ReplyDeleteYour faith and strength amaze me. You are a strong woman. You still have 6 children as Elijah will always be in your heart.
ReplyDelete((((Hugging and loving you today)))) , Rae
ReplyDeleteTammy...your words are so beautiful and they show your strength and love!! Your Son will always be with you ALWAYS!! I believe he was sitting with you this morning and praying with you while you had your coffee....he will be ever present.
ReplyDelete{{{{HUGS}}}}
I am,once again,exceptionally moved by your words of Praise and Thanksgiving. I have never had the pleasure of hearing you sing, but as I wake and pray for you and your family as you walk through this shadow of death, Our Savior proclaims, " He is Well and I am with them, Listen and you can hear their singing" Please know that there are many brothers and sisters in Christ that know and feel your pain and loss deeply. I cannot Thank You enough for sharing this with us. I can hear your singing and I am singing with you, knowing that Our God is an Awesome God, who holds us all in His hands. May you feel the comfort of not being alone in any of this and allow Him to carry you through this dark time. We will all be together, One Glorious Day and the tears of pain will be wiped away. I cannot wait to Praise our Risen Lord with Elijah, my friend Lynne and her daughter,Tammy, who I have never met, but has touched my heart through her faithfullness. All my Love and Prayers, Sue
ReplyDeleteTammy for all your life and forever after you will always be the Mother of 6 wonderful, loving, beautiful children. You have inspired me to no end. I weep just thinking of your family's loss. God Bless You All. So many have been touched by this horrific life altering event and you've shown so many the way to begin dealing/coping/healing.
ReplyDeleteTammy - my beautiful darling niece. I want to take your pain away - because that is what Aunts do. But I cannot. I can only give you love and lots of love and comfort from Florida. It is times like this that I regret having moved so far away. You and Gary - as well as your children - yes - ALL 6 of them, not 5 - will be held together with your Faith in God. The pain will be there but the light of Hope willl be shining through. I pray that you feel the comfort of the strong arms and hearts of all your family and friends. We share in your agony and grief - but only share - because no one can really know what you are experiencing without going through it. I loved that you went outside with bare feet so you could "feel" something. Do wonderful things like that to help you through this time. Look to the mountains for signs from Elijah and Mom - and you will see and feel them. Soon you will have a new little granddaughter to love and cuddle and I am sure that will give your entire family some focus and help you go forward. I also know your faith and love of God will make that move easier and smoother. I love you Tammy. I will always be here for you. And if you need me, I will be on the next plane to Vermont - I am literally a phone call and a plane ride away!
ReplyDeleteLove,
Auntie Donna
Tammy, thank you for blessing so many with the transparancy of both your human frailty and your God infused strength. I am one of the blessed by you.
ReplyDeleteI wanted to share a story of a woman who was ship wrecked and tossed about on an angry sea with other survivors in a lifeboat. When she was questioned about the amazing sense of calm she displayed in the turmoil she answered: i have two daughters; one of them lives on earth, and one lives in heaven. I knew i would see one of them at the end of this, and it didn't matter which one.
Tammy, this side of heaven, your number has decreased and that is painful (even our Saviour who knows all, wept and grieved). However, the place that He promised He was going to prepare for you, it has already begun to fill. Tho' Elijah cannot return to you, you will go to him and one day, your new house will be full again and will never empty.
Therefore as we have opportunity, let us do good to all. Especially to those who are of the household of faith. Galatians 6:9. Thank you Tammy for ministering to us and allowing us to minister back to you. Blessings, love and prayers from one household of faith to another,
Michele
Sweet lady....you will ALWAYS be the mother of 6....it's just that one now lives in Heaven! :) {{{HUG}}}
ReplyDeleteDeb