Doing the Hard Thing

I didn't have to go. 

And the first time I didn't.

But this time was different.

There was a need to go. 

I wanted to see the car. 

There were things in it that I wanted to collect. 

But mostly I just wanted to see . . .
to know. 

What exactly I was looking for, I do not know? 

Some evidence of Elijah.

Something someone had missed.

Some clue as to how he had spent his final moments on this earth.

And once again, I found myself wrapped in peace. 

And I know it is the power of all those praying. 

This morning is harder. The ache seems to permeate everything I see. 

The shock is wearing off. . .the permanence a reality. 

Psalm 19:1 The heavens declare the glory of God; 
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

This sunrise in the wee hours after 
we had learned of his departure 

from this earth was majestic.

I don't know how to do today. A part of me wants to stay here in bed. I haven't even had that cup of coffee I was going to have.
My whole world seems kicked out of sync.

Yesterday we had to call 911, to take Cedric to the hospital. He had a reaction to a wasp or bee sting. It all turned out just fine. He will need an epi  pen and must be careful.
The rescue workers were amazing. I think they knew they were dealing with a mom slightly on edge.

But to this fragile mom it was a walk in the balance of fear of losing another son. And in each and every moment I needed to surrender. Do I really trust the living God? Or do I just give lip service to being a "good Christian" girl.

And again, I felt supported and lifted up. 

Psalm 119: I rise before dawn and cry for help;I have put my hope in your word.

Each one of us ache. Our relationships all so intermingled.

And so I chose to trust today. 

 And I will do the next thing. 

Psalm 56:3-4

When I am afraid,

I will trust in you.

In God, whose word I praise.

in God I trust; I will not be afraid.