The Longest Time

This is the longest I have ever gone without seeing my son. The longest he has ever been away.  We were close that way. He liked being in his own bed. He liked home. I wondered what life for him would be like as a Marine.

Today, I just miss him.

How can I never see his face again?

How can I never feel the stubble of his short hair cut?

See the glint in his eye?

Watch him wrestle with things of this life?

I sit in the sun and try to feel.

 I want to feel something other than loss.

I do feel grateful.

Grateful for this amazing community. For their warmth and love towards us.

For our church family. For letters and notes from strangers. . .becoming  friends. For folded laundry.  For meals. For quiet hugs when I can not find words.

For a text that made me laugh in a dark moment.

For friends milking with Rocky so he doesn't have to be alone. For people stopping over to see if there is a need. And just the sense, that you know we don't want to be alone.

These things I feel.

 These are community; this is what Jesus calls us to. 

Matthew 25:40 The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'

We sat for dinner the other night for the first time. We held hands to sing our grace. And if you have ever been to our house for dinner you soon learn our song. I could not sing. I could not utter the words that for 365 days a year for more than 23 years we have sung. . .They wouldn't come. Tears spilled instead. I won't hear that gorgeous deep voice. I won't hear him ask if we could please stop the singing and just pray out loud. All my soul could do was groan; groan knowing this is the first of many very difficult times. 

I can't turn back time. 

Even though I wake every morning wishing it so.

But I can praise our Living God and I can rest in his promises. 

Psalm 100:3 

Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

Eph 2:8-10 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.  For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

You all are such a blessing to us. There are no words to describe how loved and supported we feel.

Please continue to pray. There are dark days ahead.

But there is a hope so sure.  . .