Deep Agony

To lose a child is not right.

At the funeral Glenn shouted, 

"It's Not Fair"

Today I echo that same feeling.

It is not fair. 

I want my boy back.

I want all my babies in the nest. 

"The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning,

It's time to sing your song again."

-Matt Redman

I don't know the tune to this new song.

It's rhythm, unfamiliar.

I long to turn back time. 

I yearn for one more minute;

For something to be different. 

But it is not.

And the beat of time marches on.

And with that time:

I will lift up my eyes to the hills—

    where does my help come from?

2 

My help comes from the Lord,

    the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 

He will not let your foot slip—

    he who watches over you will not slumber;

4 

indeed, he who watches over Israel

    will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 

The Lord watches over you—

    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;

6 

the sun will not harm you by day,

    nor the moon by night.

7 

The Lord will keep you from all harm—

    he will watch over your life;

8 

the Lord will watch over your coming and going

    both now and forevermore.

Psalm 121

It has been one week. 7 days. Enough hours to know searing pain.

And enough moments to know we are loved and supported.

Cards and letter keep pouring in.

Some from strangers we have yet to meet. 

All offering comforting words. 

Words that touch us. Words that we will cherish. 

And even though my heart is broken and aches beyond words.

The Holy Spirit will intercede for me. 

And I will say. . . 

It is well with my soul.