How a Mom Grieves

When we are quiet and still.
God meets us. He is everlasting and true. Each day that passes takes us further away from the accident. But closer to Christ's return.

 I struggle with wrapping my arms around this entire journey.

I Corinthians 13;12

For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; 

then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully,

 even as I am fully known.

This morning I again lean into the door frame of Elijah's room. The pain still permeates the heart like a knife. I try to twist from the pain. I want to gently rub his sleeping cheek. Tickle his toes to get up. Tell him it's time to get ready for school. I want to hear him groan and pull the covers over his face. I put some of his clothes in the drawers. It's habit I guess. I pick up some trash. And I again breathe in deep all the years of loving. How does it come to this? How do I pick up the shattered dreams and delicate pieces of my heart?

Where do I go with the 'not enough's'? 

There have not been enough nights to say good night, not enough celebrated birthdays. 

Not enough time with only 17 years. Not enough dinners cooked and definitely not enough hugs and I love you's. . .

But there are "just enough's". 

There is just enough grace for today.  

There is just enough of everything else to meet our needs. 

And in those moments where I cry, 

"There was NOT ENOUGH"

God whispers back,
 I AM enough. 

And He his. He is all I need. 

2 Corinthians 12:9

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, 
for my power is made perfect in weakness.

"Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, 
so that Christ's power may rest on me.