Flashing

When I woke; it was strange. The air in the room was heavy. As my mind cleared I realized the air conditioning was off. . . and my clock was flashing. There was no power. I saw flickering lights outside. I was confused. I could hear someone knocking and calling if anyone was home. That was at 2:40 a.m., July 28, 2013. The night the LORD called our son home. The night my heart almost stopped beating. The night my life changed forever.

It's been 2 weeks today. My clock is still flashing. I can't seem to change it. The incessant flashing somehow reassuring; that indeed something is not right.

Something will never be right again. Elijah's clothes lay just as he left them; at the top of the stairs, on his floor. I often lay on his bed. . .shedding tears. . .longing to see him come bounding up the stairs, humming, whistling or singing at the top of his lungs. Longing to see those blue eyes, so like his father; to cook his favorite meals. Oh how he loved to eat! He could argue a mute point to death. I miss our dinner conversations. I miss so much.

It still seems so unreal. I just can't believe it. 

My heart aches continually. It just won't go away.

His drums lie silent. Waiting for the master to arouse the music within. But none comes. How do we go on? How do we get through this wall of grief.

I know I will continue to look up. 

I have always loved our view of Mount Mansfield. 

These days it is an ever reminder to keep looking up to the Father.

This was the sunrise on that morning. 

I had walked out the front door, overcome with grief. A car was coming down the road so I walked to the back yard. And as I looked up. . .this is what I saw. 

 Psalm 121 1-8 I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.

 My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.

 He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.

 Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord is thy keeper: the Lord is thy shade upon thy right hand.

 The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.

 The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.

 The Lord shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.

I will continue to give praise and 

thanksgiving in all circumstances. 

 I Thessolonians  5:18 

give thanks in all circumstances; 

for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

I am heavy hearted and feel burdened. 

But I remember what Jesus said,

 Matthew 11:28-30“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” 

So, 2 weeks after our world was shattered.

After a plan was set in motion that I do NOT like. 

After I have cried out to the Creator of the Universe, who moved mountains,

raised men from the dead, healed the sick. . . 

I will continue to Praise His Name;

And Rest in Him. 

And I will seek the joy he longs to send.