Monday, August 26, 2013

When you feel Weary. . .

Amazing worship, back porch visits, 
flowers remembering the 4 weeks we have missed our son, sun shine with a soft breeze, forts in the back yard. These are the elements of today; of this day of rest. 

Cedric was leaving for camp and his brother leaned in the car to give him a hug. 
I snapped a picture with that smart phone I desperately never wanted. 
This was the last time Cedric saw Elijah. 
Who knew how important this picture would become?
The bond is strong. 
Their communication needs few words. Sometimes just more floor space to wrestle. 
They have an understanding. They are blood. And as they have matured they became friends. They have much in common. . .yet so different.
Now that bond is forever broken. 
How does a brother grieve for a brother? 
How does a mother help?
I continue to bow my knee in humble submission as I cry out and plead for wisdom. 

And I am weary today.
 I have cried. I have visited. 
 I have praised God in worship with my hands held high. . .as tears flowed freely. We held on tight to each other during worship. . .singing the praise that our hearts were created for. 
Pslam 147:1
Praise the LORD. How good it is to sing praises to our God,
 how pleasant and fitting to praise him!

We were created for praise. Our souls long to give praise to God and to be thankful. Yet at every turn we forget. We get consumed with the daily grind and forget to praise. . . to say thank you. . .to count our blessings even when our hearts break. And it felt good to praise. . .Even when I am worn. And I am worn. I am tired and I am weary. 

Even in our grief, there is a yearning to praise. To lift up our hands in surrender to God. He will heal our breaking hearts and he will make a way. 


  1. Tammy,
    Nearly nine years ago my dad, mom and sister died within three months of each other. A wise older saint who lost his mother, wife and sister in a similar time frame shared this with me. "Lord, grant that we may hold dear the memory of your servant, never bitter for what we have lost nor regret of the past, but always in hope of the eternal kingdom where you will bring us together again. We ask this in the name of Jesus the Lord. Amen." I emailed the url for your blog to my oldest sister and husband and their daughter. They lost a son/brother in a vehicle accident when he was 21, over 20 years ago. We are praying for you all. Mike Bush

    1. I never knew that. My heart aches and longs for Elijah. . .yet I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are in the palm of Gods hand and will. . .And that HE IS working his fullness in all things.

  2. Found this from Spurgeon today: "Oh there is, in contemplating Christ, a balm for every wound; in musing on the Father, there is a quietus for every grief; and in the influence of the Holy Ghost. there is a balsam for every sore." Oh that we would be lifted from the daily-ness of the grind of life and fix our hearts to praise the Lord of life.

  3. Beautiful picture of Elijah and Cedric...bonded forever in that embrace. Not broken, but very much together.

  4. "Now that bond is broken" - in a strong and real sense that is true. In another strong and real sense, their bond is forever - As Cedric grows he will ask himself, "what would Elijah do? What would Elijah think about this?" Your eldest will always be speaking truth and love into the heart, mind and conscience of his brother.

  5. Cedric said the other day to me as we visited and spoke of all the new people and community members being called to the church that "Elijah would have Loved it!"
    We send fervant prayer for Cedric and much Love. For you all, the Balm Of Giliad.... Guy has it right I think.. now operating in eternity as an angelic conscience. ...
    Love, Ama

  6. To Elijah and his family,
    I am a friend of Debbie Peck and have been drawn to your tragedy and feel such love for all of you. May you find peace one day. I cannot imagine your heartbreak. I will look forward to reading your words each day and want you to know that I will keep your family in my prayers and thoughts each and everyday forever.
    Linda LeClair
    Lebanon, NH

  7. As Guy said - there were times when a friend of Jon's would say something like 'Well, maybe I'm not a Christian, but sometimes there are situations where I ask myself 'What would Jon do?' - so yeah, those seeds have been planted, and they will surely bear fruit.
    1 Cor. 3:6-8. It's a mystery for sure, but someday we'll see....

  8. Amen Guy and Rich - seeds planted. Seeds of Faith. Elijah planted them and you are now planting them, with this blog, as well.

    As a non-Christian, no one could read your blog and not have seeds planted. Your Faith is strong, real and refreshingly honest.... those seeking will be blessed to have read it.

    As a believer, and one who has lost a son, I can attest that your blog is a Faith strengthener! As I pray for your journey through the "Valley of the Shadow of Death", I remember my own....and I remember feeling many of the same things you describe: "How can life just CONTINUE???!!! My son is gone!? NOTHING will ever be the same!!"

    And as I read your words, even now, I see the beginnings of healing. Not the healing where 'everything's good as new', but the healing that allows life to go on in a routine way...the tears eventually stop overpowering you daily...and part of you is sad that they do...and you begin to pick up the pieces and function in a more productive way again.

    Know that by being so honest, so real, so open, you are blessing many. Strengthening Faith, restoring hope and laying a path for another to follow - for one day, there will be another mother who has to walk where we have walked, and your path will minister to her even more than it is ministering to me and countless others. Isn't it funny how we sometimes come alongside someone to "help" and in the process receive as much or more than we give...
    Blessing on you and yours my dear sister in Christ {{HUG}}