Friday, August 9, 2013

Another Good Bye

I feel it in the pit of my stomach.

It's time for them to go home. Back to North Carolina. 
I have known all week the time had to come. 

Elijah's God parents had stayed for a month earlier in the Spring;
to see the girls dance performances and participate in all the 
graduation activities for Elijah. 
It was a glorious time. 
Then they went home. 

They had to come back. 
This time for grief and heartache.
And to celebrate Elijah's life.
They have stayed almost 2 weeks.
I do not want them to leave.

But it is time for them to go. 

It is another Good Bye. 
 I am not sure I am ready. 

But are we really ready for anything? 

Isn't it a daily surrendering to God?
Isn't it moment by moment living?
There is great hope. 
There is a deep, quiet joy that 
transcends earthly understanding.

 As my heart cries and longs for things to be different.
I turn to Jesus. 
I choose to lean into the struggle. 
I will rest in His unwavering grace. 

Thank you Donna and Harold for all your support;
for holding my hand when grief overcomes.
For guarding the door like a mother bear so I could rest.
And most of all, for loving Elijah

Please continue to pray for us as the emptiness threatens to crowd in.
As my feet struggle to stay on solid ground.
And as my heart clings to what it knows. 


  1. praying for you every single day...cling to what you know....there is hope....cry out to Him

  2. Hi Tammy and Gary. This will be hard. It was for me. So hard to see the rest of the world, those we love, back in the bright, silly land of the living while we trudge on through the valley of death. PS I will ask Larry if he needs help with PM milking Sunday.

  3. Thinking and praying for all of you every day! God Bless you.

  4. These are indeed the days that get more challenging - as Guy so eloquently put it - but there are many here who have walked some portion of this difficult path who are praying for you both, and where possible, to stand ready to 'be there' if needed in some way - but probably in ways you don't even know yet (but God knows and has an uncanny way of bringing those things to pass in His time).

    I've hesitated to say/write anything because so many have - so many people keep asking us 'how are you guys doing?' - which, while we do appreciate it in some ways, I felt it best to 'fade into the background a bit' because we never wanted 'us' to be a distraction or a hindrance to what others are doing for and with you.

    We know how it aches - and we can look you in the eye and say we know - and give a hug and shed a tear - and tell you that, while the pain does recede from the 'foreground' a bit with time, it is (as you said) always going to be the 'new reality' - until we are all once again reunited.

    We can not ever know why - but no 'seed falls' without God being glorified - whether we see it now or later. Sometimes, we are privileged to get just a tiny 'glimpse' - I shared with Gary an account posted on the memorial page that Michelle set up for Jon - from a young man who we knew back in Darby, PA - sometime around 1996-97 - before we came to Vermont.

    He wrote, in 2009:

    "I knew Jon for a year or two when he used to live in Darby. I was actually introduced to him through Matt and Phil around 7'th grade. In the time I knew Jon I can say without hesitation that he was a good kid who always lived a christian lifestyle. I on the other hand, was a bit of a trouble maker who used to do things such as annoy the old man who lived across the street. I was actually saved last year and I was looking forward to finding Jon on the internet to tell him about it since I recall him being a very devout follower of Christ. Since I found out the tragic news, all of Jon's friends and family have been in my prayers."

    I dreamed of Jon last night - we were on the roof, re-shingling it (which we actually did, and he helped), and it was 'slippery' on the boards - in the dream he slipped and slid off - I reached for him but could not stop his fall and then I heard him fall and hit the ground below - as you can imagine, I woke up in great distress.

    But I was so grateful for the link you posted to Joni's book - with my morning coffee I read much of the accounts she shared from Henry Frost (contemporary of Hudson Taylor) - particularly the discourse on John 21:20-22 - and it brought both tears and great comfort - so thank you.

    So when I ask 'What about this man' - I must also be reminded that His ways are so beyond our ways that I, like Job must so often 'put my hand over my mouth' - because I don't know what to answer.

    But we love you and cherish you - and will walk with you whenever and however we can.