Wednesday, August 28, 2013

How we Mark Time

The 28th. 
We will mark time now with the date. 
Not a day of the week. 
Though Saturday evenings into the wee hours of Sunday 
will forever be etched in my soul. 
I wonder if I will ever worship on a Sunday morning without remembering my red haired boy? 
Long to hear his drumming. . .

Worship has new meaning in my life.
It is a yearning, an aching, to be ever present with our LORD.

Why do we mark time?
Why this necessity to mark birthdays, anniversary's, events? What causes this? 
God was in the business of marking time and events long before we were. 
As a matter of fact he created the world and marked the final day as a Sabbath.
 He called us to rest.
To rest . . in Him.
He marked feasts and festivals.
He marked covenants.
He longed for his people to remember.
Remember the journey in the desert.
And to remember, this is not our home.

We are not home yet. And our eyes need to be fixed heavenward. All that we do here on this earth should mark where we long to live. Our actions and words should reflect the gift we have been given.
I will always remember and mark the 27th as the last day we spent with our beloved son.
And the 28th will be the day my heart almost stopped beating. . .and I needed to learn to breathe in a whole knew way.
Elijah, I miss you with all my heart.
Our work here on earth is not finished and as hard as it is. . .we need to live. Cedric starts High School today. Clarissa starts her Junior year. The pace of time marches steadily even in grief.
And as that time marches. . . I want to be present. . .to not miss any detail of these children God has left here on earth for me to love and nourish.

 I long for all of this to be a nightmare from which I wake.
But that is not the case.
This is real.
And with every breath I have left on this earth, I want to share who makes me strong. . .
Life is hard.
But a life without God is harder.
As a memorial to God, after the battle, Samuel raised an Ebenezer- a memorial to God - to remind them of God's help when they were in trouble.

And here I raise my Ebenezer, to remember God's faithfulness to me.
Oh how faithful he has been. . .and continues to be.
Praise the Mount I am fixed upon it.
Teach me ever to adore Thee. . .


  1. Love, hugs, and prayers lifting you and your family up.

  2. A month? I'm certain I've thought of you every single day. Sometimes my prayer was simply, "Oh God, help Tammy." Sometimes I took the time to read ancient prayers for you.

    I read everything you write, hoping to get to know Elijah.

    Love, Allison

    1. It is the simplest of prayers. . .yet oh so needed. The journey aches. . .Seeking strength. . . Looking heavenward.

  3. You are marked by grief, my dear friend, but not defined by it. You are a daughter of the King of kings, and Elijah is already reigning with Him in glory. Yes, we should fix our eyes there; we mustn't merely plod around this narrow globe. I am praying for you on this hard day, that each hard breath will fill your lungs with the goodness of your life in Christ.

    1. I like that. Not defined by grief. It is what I fear when I am out. . .I don't want to be defined by the woman who lost her son. I want to be defined by the woman who lives. . .because christ died for her. . .

  4. I was thinking yesterday about the fact the in God's economy time is linear and not circular. That reminded be that there is a purpose and an end to suffering. One day all of the stuff we are going through now will indeed be finished. That is why it is good to mark time, to remember what is ahead.