Do You Ever Feel Like You're Just Spinning Plates?

You know that time, just before the sunrise?

When there seems to be a hush. 

Time stands still before the day break. 

Yeah. 

I missed it. 

I slept until 6:41. 

I woke with a splitting headache. 

I wanted to burrow back under the covers. 

You see. 

I love to sleep. 

I LOVE to go to bed. 

I look forward all day to going to bed. 

I may have written about this once or twice. 

I love to climb in to bed. 

Book in hand. 

Words woven into story or thought before me. 

Quiet. 

A time when it's ok to rest. 

The feeling of needing to be productive;

ended for a few moments. 
But I love to rise early. 

This morning.

I recoiled at being awake. 

Already behind. 

No quiet time. 

I missed the beauty of the sunrise. 

Coffee a necessity rather than a luxury. 

Isn't that the way?

When it's a luxury it is still wonderful. 

A treasure. 

A gift. 

Coffee; because I want it. 

Quiet time because it's available. 

But when the day starts hard and you're behind;

Coffee is a necessity and you run the list fast through your mind. 

The tyranny of the urgent. 

I bark sharply. 

Breakfast, devotions, lunches, dishwasher, laundry. 

Remembering that when you make yogurt,
 you need to make sure you have a starter before you begin the process. 

Happy Chickens. 

Spin those plates. 

Keep it all going. 

Don't let it fall. 

I breathe. 

This is not how I want life to be. 

Even when I wake late. 

Even when the coffee is the necessity. 

I want my life seasoned with grace. 

Even when there's deadlines. 

I breathe. 

These are the moments that can be the holiest all day. 

The most chaotic moments of the day might also be the holiest. 

When your heart races and things are chaotic.

When you're behind and feel out of control. 

That's when He can do His work. 

It comes in the surrender. 

Knowing that even though all is spinning wildly;

He is not. 

He, is still in control.

This is digging deep. 

So I sip the coffee. 

I breathe deeply. 

I speak gratitude. 

The pace slows. 

Order (what little I have) returns.

I am choosing the way that is filled with the Holy Spirit. 

The way that keeps my feet light. 

That allows me to be used by God at any moment. 

I am holding loosely to the things of this world. 

I am ready. 
With open hands. 

Just Breathe
Jonny Diaz

Reconstructing

Reconstructing. 
Each day. 
How to do dinner. 
What the table looks like. 
His car in the driveway. 
All how to live without my son. 
Each day.
Learning. 
The path. 
God has ordained. 
Not my will. 
But His. 
And so I learn. 
While my heart misses. 
I open my heart to the will of the Father. 

A young teen plays Elijah's drum set at church.
A young man unaware of the story.

Playing to Worship. 
The same God. 

All for His Glory. 

So I learn, to trust more. 
Rest where there is chaos. 
Quiet when the screams seek to find a voice. 
Peace given. 

A purpose beyond what I can see. 

Do You Know What You Are Reaching For?

The geese are making noise. 

 A few trees have begun their colorful transformation.

The nights have cooled and we found ourselves wrapped in blankets yesterday.

A reminder that winter is fast approaching. 

Another fall. 

Another without my son. 

Our family still reels at the thought of life without Elijah. 

Every fiber of our being longs for his presence. 

Yet we press on. 

We step forward. 

We are seeking and reaching for the path God wants us to take. 

Each day I strive to live fully.
The unknowns rise before me; the tempest at large.
This morning I can feel the heaviness.
The weight of missing, great.
We hold hands around the dinner table and there is a space.
Cedric needs to reach to hold his fathers hand.
The place where Elijah sat; empty.

It is in the reaching that I am struck.
We are always reaching.
Reaching for better.
Striving to be the best we can be.
When a heavenly perspective is there, there is purpose.
His ways higher.
Unknown to us.
A path.
Direction.
Our reaching, is to seek Christ.
To know the fullness of Him.
I do not understand all that continues to transpire.
This world is spiraling at chaotic proportions.
The condition of man so evident in happenings around us.
Yet all of these situations have passed through the fingers of God.
We need to stay the course. 
Speak truth. 
Speak love.
Trust.
As we live; reach.
Reach for the Savior's plan.
Keep in the Ancient Word. 
Pray.
As you reach today; in all you do.
May the reach be for Christ.
He will guide all your steps.
You may not be able to see through.
But know, He is there.

Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, 
for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

What Our Sick Souls Need

She's sick in the night. 

The 5th to succumb to this stomach bug that is making it's way through the family. 

The birthday girl. 

Sick.

Physically.

Weak and in need.

I have been up for long hours each night. 

It's been years since we've had a stomach bug. 

Now the youngest. 

Aren't we all sick?

Spiritually sick? 

Our bodies inching towards death each day? 

Our weary souls sick with sin?

The deep dark place. 

In need of redemption. 

Cleansing. 

A daily walk to the cross. 

Being washed anew. 

Psalm 51:7

Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, 

and I will be whiter than snow.

The darkness shattered. 

Stepping into immeasurable light.

Practice in putting others first. 

Setting our desires aside to seek God's will. 

Seeking truth in matters before us. 

When our sick souls are sanctified, aren't we a new creation? 

2 Corinthians 5:7

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: 

The old has gone, the new is here!

Ah, to be made well. 

Soul cleansing well. 

Big deep breath well.

We'll pray for the wee one to be physically well. 

While living to be spiritually well. 

Hebrews 13:21

equip you with everything good for doing his will, 

and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ,

 to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.