Showing posts with label His voice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label His voice. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

A re-posting of: What You Are Unprepared For

These are words I typed out in the dark of the night this day last year. 
A heart longing for direction in the midst of grief. 
A heart that still longs to hear the voice of God. 
A heart still longing for the pieces to be placed back in the fragile shattered heart. 

September 10, 2013 What You Are Unprepared For

What do you do with the book you find;
given to Elijah from Nana on the event of Clarissa's birth?
For a moment your heart skips. . .and you are brought back to that day.
You can hear the sounds.
You can hear your moms voice.
You can see your sons excitement over a present.
He loved books.
Now they both call heaven their home.
Only 7 months apart.
And the ache is deep.
I am still mourning my mom. . .
And now I grieve the loss of our son. . .


Today was a tough day.
I miss my boy.
Yet it was beautiful out.
 I went for a walk.
  I met a friend on her way home from work and she stopped.
She understood.
 She gave me a hug and went on her way.
Sometimes all we need is a hug and a word of reassurance.
My journey needs to continue.
God left me here.
He didn't call me home.
My work is not done.

Ephesians 2:10
For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, 
which God prepared in advance for us to do.

I find myself drawn to Elijah's grave.
I don't know why.
He's not there. 
But it is quiet. 
 I read my bible.


I read in I Chronicles about David having the Levites returning the Ark of the Covenant.
David inquired of the LORD how it was to be done.
 I am asking the LORD, how does this grieving happen?
How do we do this?

I Chronicles 16:10, says, 
" Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice. Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always. Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles and the judgments he pronounced. 

Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 - 4
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the sun: a time to be born and a tine to die. . .a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. 

I know I need to trust with all my heart.
I need to remember what God has done.
He does what He says He will do. 
I need to be open to God's healing. And I need to remain in The Ancient Word
I will continue to do these things.
"Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me,
( 3 beats Elijah played. . .and I long to hear)
let me be singing when the evening comes."

LORD, I want to be singing when the evening comes.
I want to see all your goodness.
And I long to serve you with  all I am.


Psalm 90:4
For a thousand years in your sight are like a day that has just gone by, 
or like a watch in the night. 

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Advent: A Season of Waiting and Preparation

Sometimes the pain is so searing it leaves me dizzy. The magnitude of the loss overpowering. Gary plays a message on his phone and it rips my heart right open wide. His voice. Oh, how I miss it. I knew his voice. I recognized it. I knew his step on the stair. These things a mama knows. And when those things are taken away - ripped right away from this life, it leaves you reeling and teetering for something to grasp. Because the hurt and pain of this world cuts like a knife.


But there is a voice that I have come to know. It is the voice of the Master. The one who called me into being and it is His voice I need to decipher from all the rest. The shouts of despair and grief need to flee in the face of the Almighty. Because there is only room for the holy. 
And I have this one life. And I want to make it count. Even when there is grief and cancer and all my world is turned around. The only turning I want to do is straight to Jesus; straight into the path that He has for my life; and nowhere else.


It is the First Sunday in Advent. It is a time of waiting or preparation.
What does waiting look like? And how do we cultivate a life in practicing waiting?
Waiting on the LORD? Waiting for his guidance and direction?
Waiting for answers that may never come this side of eternity.

 I want to focus on the waiting and preparations.


My Christiana was born at this most holy time of year. I remember well the waiting; the wonder of it all. I want to lean into all that this season holds. All my emotions are raw and sensitive. We are wired to recoil from pain. But this pain needs to be pressed through; lived through, prayed through.
So we place our Christmas Tree. A symbol of life. I breathe deep the fragrance. I see with open eyes, all those that have gathered. I breathe through the pain of loss, through the missing and wanting things to be different. I close my eyes and listen for the voice of the One,
 who will Carry us through.

Psalm 62:5-8
Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
    my hope comes from him.

Truly he is my rock and my salvation;

    he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God[a];
    he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

Trust in him at all times, you people;

    pour out your hearts to him,
    for God is our refuge.

"For when I am weak, you will carry me. .  ."
"We were never meant to walk this road alone."