It Is Well With Me. . . .Because Of Him

It's been a year. 

A year since we were outside harvesting the sunshine for winter. 

Working together. 

Spurred on by the holy spirit I went to the barn. 

2  kids off at camp.

The other 2, with friends. 

So I went to the barn. 

To be with my son and my farmer. 

I wrapped bales. 

I slowed the process. 

I wrote on bales.

Messages for the dark of winter.

I wrote on one bale in particular;

which we found months later.
When the battle of cancer versus chemo and radiation was waging. 

I didn't know, how precious this would become, that sunny day we baled. 

Grateful for a day of sunshine. 

My heart was full. 

I rejoiced. 

I prayed over and over those bales.
I wrote prayers of gratitude.

Begging God to reap a harvest where there seemed to be none. 

Little did I know how my world was about to shatter.

In a little over 48 hours I would never spend another moment with this beautiful red head. 

I am so glad I spent this day with him. 

We laughed. 

I wrote on those bales for all to see.
I thought when he was gone to boot camp there would be a great memory. 

I Love You Elijah!
He knew. 

And now he knows in full. 

He understands a mothers love even better than I do. 

The questions he wrestled with are answered. 

Oh, but how I long for this boy. 

Memories swirl in my head. 

I wonder how I can live another day without my son. 

And yet another day passes.
I am renewed. 
Isaiah 40:31
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. 
They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, 
they will walk and not be faint.

I am here. 

Breathing in and out.
Placing one foot in front of the other.
Seeking strength. 
Resting. 
Being filled.
Finding joy through this storm.
Yielding my spirit to the Giver of Life.
He is my strength, my life, my hope.

It is well with me. . . because of Him.

This Is Not All There Is

It's less than 10 days-

he would have had here on this earth. 

We had no idea. 

These days were his last. 

Each moment priceless. 

I step forward each day  . 

Missing. 

Yet needing to press on. 

Washing, cleaning, cooking. 

Bills, groceries; life. 

Life that is holy.

Purposeful.

I check in with the kids and ask how they are. 

The sweet girl, more woman than girl, says she's fine. 

I push her. 

She looks at me and says, really, I am fine.

He's better off. 

It's where I want to be. 

She's lost so much. 

So wise. 

This is not where we belong. 

Hebrews 13:14

For this world is not our permanent home; 

we are looking forward to a home yet to come.

We are destined for the eternal. 

This life is fleeting. 

The time we have here, lived to glorify the One who gave himself for all. 

Pressing on toward the goal which Christ has called us heavenward. 

Philippians 3:14

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me 

heavenward in Christ Jesus.

The pain of this world spurs us on to the next. 

This is not all there is. 

There is more. 

Clarissa and Cedric will travel to camp this week. 

This is monumental for them. 

A week later their lives would be forever changed. 

Please join me in praying for them and the many other kids who will wrestle with the gospel. 

May they be challenged and encouraged. 

I pray that their faith will increase. 

Their joy; richer.

Hope; unleashed. 

Each one of these milestones bring about a richness in the fullness of Christ. 

We have no other hope than in Him. 

It is because of Him that we are able to say. 

"It is Well With My Soul"

Horatio Spafford lost his son, experience financial ruin and then a tragic loss

 at sea where his four daughters drown; only his wife survived. 

This is the hymn he penned after that loss.