Saturday, April 12, 2014

Do You Long For That Deep Soul Peace? Yeah. . . Me Too.

There was a mix up with appointments.
I needed to talk with one of the nurses.
We play phone tag over 2 days.
I seek peace 
We finally connect. 
We work out the appointment details.  
While I have you on the phone I say;
Are you able to give me the results of the scans? 
He says he can. 
We don't have to wait 3 more days for the results.
A mistake; used to give us answers.

I don't even know what to pray. 

I hold my breath.
But I think I have been holding it for months. 
He says the chest is clear.
Then there is a pause. 
My head spins and the bottom drops out of my stomach.
I brace myself.
A peace descends. No matter what.
God will see us through.  
He starts to read. 
Head and neck clear, typical radiation residue.
I exhale. 
He says he is glad to give us some good news.
He a believer. 
He who prayed with us when my farmer was first diagnosed.
He now tells us the scans are clear. 
I tell my farmer. 
And I start to cry.
The scans are clear. 
I can't stop. 
I start to shake. 
It is unbelievable. 
There is light at the end of the tunnel. 
The cancer is gone.
My farmer smiles.
He puts his head in his hands. He just wants to lay down.
He's so tired. 
The joy thief strong today.

I try to make myself feel joy.
It's not there. Not yet.
It's coming.
I know.
But right now;
I feel like a spring that was just sprung.
I am tired. I am worn.
This has been a battle.
I have fought with everything I have.
God has equipped us with all we need.
For it is only in my weakness that I am strong.
It is His power manifested in us.

Exodus 14:14
The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

I am bone weary.
The relief we get is from the strength found in the Lord.
It is breathing deep.


It is seeking the quiet and perfecting the listening.
It is the hope.
Hope that there is a future.
Hope that this winter laden earth will yield to Spring time again.

Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, 
and I will give you rest.

Rest is promised to us.
As I seek the quiet.
That which is hard for me.
As I lean into the grace offered. 
I am restored.
My soul is at peace. 

The war wages on.
But there is a calm.

What do you do when you're bone weary? 
When putting one foot in front of the other is your goal for the day. 
What do you do?


  1. I am so glad all the scans were clear. There is indeed light at the end of the tunnel. That is great news.

    1. Thank you. Yes. Praying moment by moment in gratitude.

  2. That is such terrific news. Let us pray that the depression vanishes.rl

    1. Thank you. Yes. So grateful. Looking for the depression to flee.

  3. Good news...prayers answered, and are continued. Keep on His path to healing, one step at a time. Your sweet Farmer is following your lead for this time, until he regains strength on His own with His Lord. Believe for the good. And 'what do I do?' you ask: after I pray in whatever strength I have to pray in the moment, I count my the old Bing Crosby song that comes to mind, I sing...and ask the Holy Spirit to help me count my Blessings. And that 'attitude of gratitude' helps heal the wounded heart. I encourage you and your Family as a Sister-in-Christ, with Love & Prayers, Marguerite

  4. Praying so hard that the depression flees. Walking in grace.

  5. Sitting here reading, I realized I too, was holding my breath....then smiling, now relief, joy and thankfulness....BLESSINGS on you all!! {{{HUGE HUGS}}}

    1. Relief and joy yes. Hard to sink in though. Thank you so much.

  6. Thank you for the news about Gary. I echo Deb Clough's words. We sang "These are the Days of Elijah" (I had tears of course) in church, to experience the celebration part of Palm Sunday. And then the prayer led by this amazing young woman, who is a minister of evangelism prayed over a person in the congregation, and called upon the Savior, the Deliverer, Whom is needed every day, and who the hopeful throng in Jerusalem was looking for, and Whom they missed. A question arose..."What does DELIVERANCE look like?" I think there is a song in that question that I need to write. Sending love. Sorry about your friend, Carl, who was a deliverer of sorts.

    1. Looking forward to hearing the song. Just talked about your Truth song the other day.