Turning Father's Day Right Side Up

Rising early each morning, my farmer heads to the barn.

Never complaining. 

Morning his favorite time. 

He's never upset to milk alone. 

He takes his time. 

Enjoying the quiet. 

Our children have appreciated this time as well. 

Moments spent with their father beneath a sea of stars. 

The chill of the early morning; stimulating. 

Walking with purpose. 

Cows to bring to the barn. 

Wildlife. 

Unfamiliar sounds. 

All part of the memory. 

Our journey to Organic Certification complete.

It has been quite an experience. 

Still waiting for that first check. 

Many cows dry. 

Making cash flow so difficult. 

Milk prices so low. 

The waiting seeming to take forever. 

We've learned much in this transition. 
Yet my farmer stays steadfast. 

The farm is a great teacher. 
Patient. 
Yielding. 
Strong.
Demanding. 

Much like my farmer. 
Much like my father. 
Much like my father in law. 
Three influential men in my life. 

Three men I learned from. 

Each sharing unique pieces of my Heavenly Father. 

My father, this year, will spend Father's Day in heaven. 

It will be 3 weeks tomorrow since he journeyed home. 
Sweet reunions. 
His mind fluid. 
Rejoicing. 
This brings a sense of peace to my soul. 
The memory thief had taken so much. 

My Father in law also resides with the King of Kings. 

A hard working man who loved fiercely with out words. 
Who worked 2 jobs to provide for his family. 
A man who bowed low to the King of Kings with all his being. 

I wake this morning with the goal of a Thankful heart. 

Each moment will be captivated by gratitude. 

I will push away grief. 

With the help of Holy Spirit this day will be beautiful. 

My farmer;

is an amazing dad. 

His selfless dedication to our family; a gift. 
His daughter has chosen well. 

Fatherhood embraced. 

His love for the Lord and this land deeply embedded in his soul.

Today we honor these men. 

I am grateful for each of their part in helping to shape who I am today. 

I am deeply grateful to my heavenly Father for allowing me to have had such wonderful men in my life. 

May you choose today to find joy. 
To take what may have been broken and see the strength 
gained from a hard walk. 
Take time to seek the good. 
Let God shape you in His image. 
Our broken parts become beautiful in light of His grace. 

In 1971,Elisabeth Elliot, had this to say about Fathers. 
Article on Fathers, by Elisabeth Elliot

Psalm 147:1
Praise the LORD. How good it is to sing praises to our God,
 how pleasant and fitting to praise him!

Joy Heard From Haiti

They have flown into a different space. 

A culture not like our own. 

Les Cayes, Haiti. 

 The south west section.

On the coast.

6 hours from Port Au Prince. 

The farmer and his daughter, have left the -3 three temperatures, 

chores and school and have joined with other farmers. . . to go. 

They have heard the call.

 God said,  yes. 

The Safe T homes; refuge for many. 

 Because of your faithfulness in giving and prayer, they are there. 

Just over 5 years ago Haiti suffered one of the worst Earthquakes ever to strike a nation. 

Already needy, this impoverished country needed a boost. 

The effects were devastating. 

They remain to this day. 

But the people. 

The resilience and joy that show forth. 

That is still there. 

Strength. 

Through the struggle. 

This farm girl, she will leave her heart in a nation not of her birth. 

She will never rest until the love of Christ is made known to the world. 

There is no running water in the hotel. 

There are ants in the sink. 

A gecko on the ceiling. 

Yet she remains untouched. 

She will bathe in the pool. 

She is where her heart longs to be. 

In a place where she can give. 

Where she can make a difference. 

We will lose this child to the King of Kings too. 

Just in a different way. 

While God called Elijah out of this world into his heavenly realm. 

God will call Clarissa to live and serve among those that are;

The least of these. 

Matthew 25:40

"The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'

Will you continue to pray? 

Can you help us to lift this nation before God? 

To ask for strength and mercy for this beautiful country?

For wisdom and direction for agencies so willing to help?

We are glad you stopped by. 

We pray your life will be changed by knowing the love of Jesus. 

Here is a little bit of the joy being heard from Haiti. 

If He Asks, Are You Willing To Do The Hard Thing?

Most mornings I still wake with a longing for things to be different. 

The piercing ache still very present. 

Images of my red head running through my mind. 

Reconciling the reality. 

His life here, on this earth, finished. 

My life continuing. 

Striving to push against the tide that will threaten to pull me under. 

2014 is coming to a close. 

A year that never held my son. 

A year we battled cancer. 

A year we walked on the wings of grace and mercy of friends and community. 

A year where the God of the Universe never let us go. 

A year where faith as small as a mustard seed grew as

 the Ancient word spilled life into my weary soul. 

A year where a little child led us. 

With love never known before. 

I don't have much to show for 2014. 

I can't expound on great theological truths or fantastic accomplishments. 

Most of it passed in a blur. 

I can only say we made it through. 

With grace, we placed one foot in front of the other. 

We kept our feet planted. 

We raised our hands to the living God. 

And by His grace we are here. 

Our souls are still weary. 

The land of this farm still cries out for its farm boy. 

The movement of our family still stilted as we carry on without one. 

Yet, we long for all of this to bring us closer to the cross. 

For all to know the power of the One who gave once. . . for all. 

I can not bring Elijah back. 

These pictures. . . .these pictures are all I have left. 

I see my boy through videos or pictures. 

And the memories etched forever in my being. 

But I can shout from the mountain tops that He is with our Savior. 

That his life was important because each and every day God deemed his steps. 

We can look to the future because God calls us forward. 

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. 

Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. 

Jeremiah was a prophet of the Lord.

Unfortunately, his job was difficult. 

The words of his prophesy were devastating and depressing. 

The nation of Israel would be sent into captivity. 

The people long had been warned. 

They needed to turn from their wicked ways.

But they couldn't. 

The pull of temptation too great. 

They would suffer the effects of the prophesy. 

But see, the Lord didn't end the prophesy with doom and gloom. 

He told those people to submit to the circumstances. 

Walk into captivity. 

Sometimes walking through the hard is what helps us see the good. 

Because God is in the business of changing and restoring. 

Jeremiah 29:14

I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."

You see, even while the Israelites  were in captivity,

God was doing a beautiful thing. 

He was restoring a people. 

A nation. 

Our life circumstances can be hard. 

2014 may not have been the best year for you. 

Death, cancer, financial ruin may have been your path. 

But God is in the wilderness with you. 

He is doing a new thing. 

Isaiah 43:19

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; 

do you not perceive it?

 I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

And while I long for Elijah and life before. 

I am going to be open to see where God leads. 

I will breathe deep the Ancient Promises. 

I will declare the praises due His name. 

My heart will be restored. 

He will make my way. 

Lauren Daigle

How Can It Be? 

You plead my cause

you right my wrongs.

Even A Year Later My Grip Remains Strong

A year later we still are haying. The fire on to take the chill off the morning air. The desire of my heart to yield to the heavenly father. The pain still real, the missing still great. Longing to find our way in this world. Wanting to make a difference. Wanting hope to permeate all we do. Thoughts scratched out in the wee hours of the morning. Still ring true a year later. Yet, this is before cancer knocked on our door. It is before I knew what was to be. . .

It's Early Morning
9-20-13

I rise while it is still dark.

Coffee is made.

We are having pancakes for breakfast.

I have turned the fire on to take off the chill. 

Though it is much warmer than the previous nights. 

It was hard to get up this morning.

I prayed for a long time, seeking strength for what lies before me today. 

I prayed for Gary. 

These hours are so long. 

I prayed for the yield on this hay crop to be wildly abundant.

We are so short on feed. 

This picture was taken the last day Elijah and I worked together.

The day he told his dad, "Hey dad, you know the best way to slow down wrapping bales? Is to have your wife come to the barn." 

 I was trying to help. 

I can be a liability sometimes. 

But I am glad I went. 

All that time spent with my boy. . .

Little did I know there would only be 2 more days that he would reside on this earth. 

I had planned to write a blog post on how we put up our round bales. 

Now these pictures are all I have left of his final days here. 

But the memories. 

Oh how I treasure that day.

 We laughed. 

I was so slow.

We'd been having trouble with the round bale plastic - it keeps tearing. . .

So, Elijah would have to get off the tractor and come and pull it so I could tuck it back in and get started. 

I am a little short, so getting a good grip to pull that plastic was not happening on my watch. .. 

unless I went and got a stool. Which is the story of my life. 

Someone needs to add variety to these boys' lives. 

After each bale is wrapped, it is marked with the date. 

It was beautiful out that day. 

I was happy to be with my boys and I would take the time to write on the bales. .. 

more than just the date. 

This also slowed the process down.

Guys don't think like we woman. 

I wanted there to be a legacy on those bales. 

So when the deep of winter came and they pulled those bales out there would be a reminder of the glorious day in July when we all worked together. 

On each bale I left a legacy. 

One we now treasure with all our hearts. 

Our hay situation has been a challenge this year.

The rains came in abundance and flooded many of our fields. 

This left debris and silt scattered across acres of land, virtually making all the hay unusable; when or if we could get on to the soggy meadows. 

This happened repeatedly throughout the summer. 

So on July 25, 2013,

When the warmth of the sun permeated everything, 

I wrote those praises on bales.

I prayed over each bale.

Asking our father to somehow fix this feed situation. 

To give us wisdom if we should stay in farming. 

3 days later I still praised the same God 

with a broken heart as he called my boy home. 

It was a beautiful night last night. 

I don't know what our future is here. 

I don't know where the Lord is leading us. 

So much has changed. 

Yet, we will still praise him. 

Psalm 150

Praise the Lord!

Praise God in his sanctuary;

praise him in his mighty heavens!

 Praise him for his mighty deeds;

praise him according to his excellent greatness!

 Praise him with trumpet sound;

praise him with lute and harp!

 Praise him with stambourine and dance;

praise him with strings and pipe!

 Praise him with sounding cymbals;

praise him with loud clashing cymbals!

 Let everything that has breath praise the Lord!

Praise the Lord

And I am learning to say:  "It will be my joy,

your will, your way"

And I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt. . .there is NO life apart from you LORD. 

Lessons Learned From The Pig Pen

Some days I just want to play all day. 

I want someone to feed me and take care of my basic needs. 

A little like the piggy, wiggies. 

 When the sun shines,  I will soak up the warmth with not a care in the world. 

When I am scared, I can crawl into a pig pile. 

I can feel the safety and security of those closest to me. 

Alas, I am not a pig. 

Though I dare say I live like one sometimes. 

My room is such a mess. 

But, I am not a pig. 

I do have responsibilities and burdens to carry; 

no matter how much I would like to play all day. 

Each day there is the tierney of the urgent. 

The pressing and the important. 

The immediate and the overdue. 

It is enough to want that pig pile each moment. 

But there is grace. 

Reaching for stability. 

Found not in ourselves. 

It is when we let go. 

When we reach for holiness, we are transformed. 

The cross our focus. 

A life.

A sacrifice.

Forgiveness.

Restoration.

Our Agenda becomes His Agenda.

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. 

I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

The peace that passes all understanding is ours. 

The urgent and mundane remain. 

It is we who are transformed. 

Not our circumstances. 

We who walk in the power of the Almighty. 

Strength gained from the surrender. 

Assurance through the storm. 

Solid ground no matter how rough the way. 

Hope and strength; ours. 

Re-posting This Day Last Year. . . Sometimes Looking Back Helps With The Steps Forward

This is a re-post from last year on this day. Sending prayers of gratitude for the hands that have held us and continue to shower us with grace. 

Being a Giver. . .it is Hard to Receive

The rhythm of the routine continues. There is hay down and baling to be done.

 Cows are up in milk and the management needs care and detail.

 It's the detail that makes the difference. 

It's what makes you stand out. Caring about the tiniest details brings you closer to your goal. 

Details may mean success or ruin for us. Those details seem hard. But they are ingrained in the beat of the day, so it is good.

Psalm 19:1

The heavens declare the glory of God;
    the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

Each day brings friends. Friends with food, coffee, hugs and tears. 

Some are chatty and silly and some just sit with me in quiet. All of them giving. . .me feeling weary, wondering where this grace comes from. Generosity that flows. Details that make the difference.

The girls came running in. I could hear the pounding of their steps 

before I saw their faces. I needed to come outside they said. 

I was tired. It has been another full day of friends. 

I had just come into my room for some solace.

But there was someone here I needed see. 

You see some young girls had had a lemonade stand 

and had raised money for our family. 

And they had waited anxiously for their parents to come home from work

so they could hurry to our home and  bless us with a gift.

Extravagant Grace.

How do you receive from the youngest and most precious of these? 

Matthew 19:14 

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, 

and do not hinder them, for the kingdom 

of heaven belongs to such as these."

They came as strangers and left as family. 

God wasn't finished with the blessing for the day. 

Another friend walked into the chaos of our kitchen to lavish upon us another gift. 

We were left speechless. 
I could hold in the tears and the magnitude of our loss no longer.
We have lost a beloved son.
And yet we are not alone.

2 Corinthians 4:8
We are hard pressed on every side, 
but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;

My cup runneth over as the enormity of the grace resonated in my heart. 

The details are so important.

Because since the foundations of the earth God has managed all the details. 

He knows each piece and part. 

And this wild grace is a gift.

 This is Elijah and his good friend Thomas on a school trip for LUHS. 
The fact that Elijah is on this trip is a story I long to tell you. . .later.

Sometimes we can't understand why things happen.

My heart aches with God's details for my life right now.
But God is managing the details.
Each detail is so important.
So I take my weary and aching heart and I surrender all the details.
Psalm 63:1
O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;
    my soul thirsts for you;
my flesh faints for you,
    as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

I have I waited to post this song. . .It is my heart.

"This is not where I belong. . .this is NOT my home. . ."

I long for the day when God will call us home. 

Until then I will trust him with the details.

A year later we are still trusting. We are searching with eyes wide open for where He will lead us. May your hearts be full this Sunday morning as you head to the cross. A place of healing and grace. A place where God will meet you in your brokenness and in your joy.