Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Why I Don't Want To Say Good Bye. . .Again

I don't want to say goodbye to 2013; 
at all.

One might think, why? I should be ready to kiss 2013 Good Bye forever. 
But I can't. 

It holds Winter Ball in January.

A cruise in February. 

Mother's Day and every other day when Elijah walked this earth. 
When he was alive and his future full before him.
 Where his hopes and dreams were held tightly in the future that was to his. 
It held boot camp and life. 

2013 holds Lacrosse,  Memorial Day, Prom and Graduation. 

It holds the last days we were together. 
The last moments I heard his voice;
 looked into those blue eyes. 
The last song we heard together. 
How can we move on? 
How do we move away. 
I don't want to say Good Bye. . .again. 

2013 also holds our sweet Pemmy. 
It holds my farmer healthy unscathed by the demon of cancer. 

2014 and every other year after that won't hold our son.
We will place his stone at the grave with the permanent reminder that 2013 is where his life,
 here on this earth, ended.  
 Every step toward the future is a step away from him. 
Away from my child. Away from all that was supposed to be. 

There is no choice. 
No matter how I will the clock to stop or cling to what has been. 
Or pray for this all to be a dream. 
The clock will tick on and the New Year will commence. 
Each moment in this life, we are given choices.
 Choices to seek Truth. 
To stand firmly on that which is called hope.
 It is here that I stand. 
It is here where all that has happened;
all that has made me who I am, and who I am becoming in Christ becomes my future. 
There is new life to celebrate. And I don't want to miss it. 
I don't want to be so stuck in grief that I can't see the beauty emerging around me. 

A precious bundle of joy. 

Other children edging toward graduation, their journey not yet finished. 

Each step away from Elijah leads us closer to home. Closer to where we really belong. 
Yet, we are still here on this earth. 
Our work is not finished. 
I do not know what that work looks like. 
But I don't need to. 
God does. 
He has it all. 

Hebrews 13:14
For this world is not our permanent home; 
we are looking forward to a home yet to come.

We are not home yet. This is not where we belong. 
Take this world and Give me Jesus. 
There is something better coming. 
And there will be a sweet reunion. 
Oh so sweet. 

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