Tuesday, December 17, 2013

When What Looms Ahead, Seems Insurmountable

Just before I fall asleep I tell my farmer, I don't want to watch him go through chemo and radiation. I watched my mom's journey for 9 years and I have lost my son. I really don't know how much more my heart can take. How can I add more pain to our already broken hearts? I love this farmer with all my heart. He sighs in the quiet and holds me close. There are no need for words. 

Me the city girl moved to the farm.

 I think back to the early days of us dating and our marriage. Oh, how little I knew about the farming way. There is still much I do not know; much I do not understand about this way of life. But I have yielded my life to this land. It's rhythms have become my meter for living. We order our time by the needs of the seasons.

 My farmer and his crew bow low before the Father before they begin each day. 

My farmer is good at what he does. But he is getting tired. With one son in the grave and the other with one foot in adolescence, the future of the farm is very unknown. Add a diagnosis of cancer and side effects that loom, we are faced with many heavy decisions. These weigh us down. These compound all we do. With minds already foggy with grief these other decisions seem a bit daunting. 
Yet we are not without hope. We know who holds the future. God already has a plan. I do not know what it is or when he will reveal it. But in his time he will make all things known. For now, I am called to obedience; to live in humble submission. And as we continue in this glorious season of Advent, we will continue to wait upon the lord. We will continue to trust.
                  Isaiah 40:31
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength;they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary;and they shall walk, and not faint.

We will be renewed and refreshed and given grace just for the day. We are not to worry about tomorrow. And really, that's a good thing. It falls right into my, not planning personality. Though this journey has me having to plan a little. We continue to be amazed at all the love and support sent our way. Packages with wooden crosses for Gary to hold. Rocks with scripture verses. A lap quilt for those chilly chemo sessions. 
So thoughtful, so encouraging. 
So, if God brings us to mind, would you pray for us? Would you pray for the nurses and doctors. Would you add all other's who walk this road to your list too? There are so many. 
May God use our lives for His Glory. May we be an encouragement to others.
And may we all be uplifted, no matter the path we are walking. 
As long as it is a well worn path straight to the father, we will never walk alone. 

Will you consider grabbing a delicious, warm cup of coffee and listening to this song. 
Really listen. 
I have loved this song, since I was a child. 
Here is a less traditional style.
One of Elijah's favorite groups.

A weary world rejoices. Oh, I am so weary, but I know there is joy in rejoicing.
He knows our need; our weakness is no stranger. BEHOLD your King! 
Ah, he knows our needs. . .And BEHOLD our King. Oh, how our son rejoices in that Glory, 
with the King, the God of all the Universe! 
It pains me, but brings great peace as well. 
Have ears to hear. Be awake this Advent, to all our God can do in your life. 

O Holy Night
By 10th Avenue North


  1. Hi Tammy you dad loves this song this is one of my favorite song of all time God Bless You all Through this tough Time Your Farmer is Healed in the Name Of Jesus I declare it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. Oh, Tammy, breathing in deep for you guys. I am not walking the road of cancer; but mine too is littered with many heartbreaking, overwhelming unknowns. I am slowly learning what it's like to trust God with every detail. So, I can relate to the peace that comes with trusting even when not a single thing makes sense. I've never had to have faith like this before, so I know He is up to something big -- and beautiful. For you and me both. One foot in front of the other is enough for now, friend. He will do the rest.

    I've decided it's not true -- what they say about God not giving us more than we can handle. So much of this earthly life is filled with heartbreak and loss completely beyond what any of us are equipped to handle. But our God. He is handling it all. I believe it with all my heart.

    To the extent Gary's treatments will physically allow, incorporate as many cruciferous vegetables (broccoli, cauliflower) and allium-rich vegetables (onions, garlic, leeks, mushrooms) into his meals, as well as celery. There is a growing army of medical and nutritional professionals who agree these foods have the unique ability to not only prevent cancer but to kill, and prevent the growth of, existing cancer cells. These people aren't quacks, and it isn't junk science. And I'm thinking these foods would taste very yummy in soup on these cold winter days.

    I will continue to pray.


  3. As a cancer survivor, I'm praying for your family and that God will speak clearly when you tell Him one more time, "How do I trust you today?" The farm is the Lord's. He will give you and your husband agreement on God's will -- "Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven". Praying that the Lord will triple your faith as you hold on to His promises.