Turning Father's Day Right Side Up

Rising early each morning, my farmer heads to the barn.

Never complaining. 

Morning his favorite time. 

He's never upset to milk alone. 

He takes his time. 

Enjoying the quiet. 

Our children have appreciated this time as well. 

Moments spent with their father beneath a sea of stars. 

The chill of the early morning; stimulating. 

Walking with purpose. 

Cows to bring to the barn. 

Wildlife. 

Unfamiliar sounds. 

All part of the memory. 

Our journey to Organic Certification complete.

It has been quite an experience. 

Still waiting for that first check. 

Many cows dry. 

Making cash flow so difficult. 

Milk prices so low. 

The waiting seeming to take forever. 

We've learned much in this transition. 
Yet my farmer stays steadfast. 

The farm is a great teacher. 
Patient. 
Yielding. 
Strong.
Demanding. 

Much like my farmer. 
Much like my father. 
Much like my father in law. 
Three influential men in my life. 

Three men I learned from. 

Each sharing unique pieces of my Heavenly Father. 

My father, this year, will spend Father's Day in heaven. 

It will be 3 weeks tomorrow since he journeyed home. 
Sweet reunions. 
His mind fluid. 
Rejoicing. 
This brings a sense of peace to my soul. 
The memory thief had taken so much. 

My Father in law also resides with the King of Kings. 

A hard working man who loved fiercely with out words. 
Who worked 2 jobs to provide for his family. 
A man who bowed low to the King of Kings with all his being. 

I wake this morning with the goal of a Thankful heart. 

Each moment will be captivated by gratitude. 

I will push away grief. 

With the help of Holy Spirit this day will be beautiful. 

My farmer;

is an amazing dad. 

His selfless dedication to our family; a gift. 
His daughter has chosen well. 

Fatherhood embraced. 

His love for the Lord and this land deeply embedded in his soul.

Today we honor these men. 

I am grateful for each of their part in helping to shape who I am today. 

I am deeply grateful to my heavenly Father for allowing me to have had such wonderful men in my life. 

May you choose today to find joy. 
To take what may have been broken and see the strength 
gained from a hard walk. 
Take time to seek the good. 
Let God shape you in His image. 
Our broken parts become beautiful in light of His grace. 

In 1971,Elisabeth Elliot, had this to say about Fathers. 
Article on Fathers, by Elisabeth Elliot

Psalm 147:1
Praise the LORD. How good it is to sing praises to our God,
 how pleasant and fitting to praise him!

Calves! They're Everywhere!

Sunshine spilled over the mountain this morning. 

Cool mornings force us to use heat. 

Hot coffee awaits me as I stumble to the kitchen. 

I run the schedule through my head. 

I beat eggs and try not to burn toast. 
I burn eggs and the toast is safe. 

I continue the run through of the schedule. 

There's school work and book work. 

Calves need to be feed. 

Oh those calves! 

They're everywhere!

Calves always mean Spring here on the farm. 

The Winter is shedding it's skin. 

Milk production will return to a more comfortable place. 

The "hold your breath" feelings dissipate a bit. 

Cash flow begins to improve. 

This year, however, we are in the final stages of transitioning to Organic. 

This will complete a challenging year long process. 
Life is like that. 
Challenging. 
Needing to go the distance. 
We can't be sure what will happen. 
We can trust. 
Each calf that is born is a gift. 
New life. 
Some days the mama's do what they were created to do. 
There are no problems. 
Other days there is trauma and trouble. 
The outcome not so pleasant. 
Through each of those births my farmer waits patiently. 
He watches. 
He lets the mama's do their thing. 

Yet he is never far. 

It is the picture of our Holy God. 
He is never far. 
He waits.
Patiently. 

Genesis 28:15
I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until 
I have done what I have promised you."

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

So many times I have picked up the phone to call. 

My heart hurts missing Elijah. 

Yet you reign with him on high. 

It was April vacation. 

I missed our time together. 

It was always so much warmer at your house. 

Such a perfect time to be away. 

We would sit on your screened in porch. 

How you loved that addition to your home. 

We'd drink coffee and argue. 

Goodness we never could see eye to eye on very much;

except our love for our Lord. 

I went to a family baby shower. 

Your presence missed so much. 

You just had an air about you that made a party. 

I took a walk with a friend. 

She shared part of her to do list. 

Buying flowers for her mom. 

I remember the last time I sent you flowers. 

I know there's a picture in one of your albums. 

Your Birthday and Mother's Day only days apart. 

I called to order you flowers. 

Our hometown florist. 

Folks you went to school with. 

She asked me what to put on the card. 

I couldn't speak. 

I started to cry. 

I didn't know how long you would live. 

Cancer had been your companion for 9 years. 

I couldn't pull myself together. 

I felt so foolish. 

When I gained composure,

I said, " Happy Mother's Day, Love Gary, Tammy and the kids."

And that was that. 

The last time I would send you Mother's Day flowers. 

2012.

Now, I need to head to your home.

To take all the memories and store them in other places. 

Oh, there are so many. 

How you loved life. 

Even your cancer could not, would not, destroy your joy. 

Photo Albums showing the legacy of the life you lived. 

Embracing moments. 

Capturing events forever. 

These are the hardest to sift through. 

What do we do with the life time of memories?

Today dawned beautiful again. 

After days of dreary weather, it has been wonderful to see the sunshine. 

The college girl will be coming home next week. 

Her freshman year finished. 

She's changed though. 

Divided. 

This place no longer holds her. 

She's changing and growing into the woman God has called her. 

She won't be home for Mother's Day. 

I don't want that to affect me. 

I have had the gift of being a mom. 

A joy for which I am eternally grateful. 

A longing in my heart; given. 

Many times. 

I miss you mom. 

Where Will This Journey Lead?

Hold me close
Let Your love surround me
Bring me near
Draw me to Your side
And as I wait
I'll rise up like the eagle
And I will soar with You
Your Spirit leads me on
By the power of Your love

Words. 

Ancient. 

New. 

Timely. 

Perfect. 

Words that penetrate the heart. 

Reaching deep into the aching hole. 

We can be refreshed and filled; even when we're hurting. 

I never knew I could know such peace. 

I never knew the intimacy I would feel with Christ when 
so much had been torn from me. 

I let the words wash over me as we sing. 
I hold this moment close.
I want to burn this message deep within. 
Hope. 
Beyond anything I could ever ask or imagine. 
When the world seems dark and empty. 
There is light. 
When I feel I can barely breathe another agonizing breath. 
There is hope. 

That at the name of Jesus every knee will bow and tongue confess. 
Jesus has brought me to this. 
He will bring me through it. 


There is strength in the name of the Lord
There is power in the name of the Lord
There is hope in the name of the Lord
Blessed is He, who comes in the name of the Lord

Read more: Sandi Patty - In The Name Of The Lord Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

With each step, I feel the strength God is pouring forth. 
He takes our brokenness and creates beauty. 
He reaches in and smooths the harsh edges. 

I still don't know where God is leading. 
I sometimes feel abandoned and alone. 
Fearful of what the future holds 
Fearful of life without Elijah. 
Fearful the cancer has returned. 

When I stand up close to God and allow Him to wash over me.
Those fears flee. 
God is able to do the work He longs to do. 

We are headed to the cross today. 
A day of intense emotion. 
A week that began with elation and praise as Jesus entered Jerusalem. 

Now ends with humiliation, death and grief. 

But that is not the end of the story. 

God was still writing. 

He wasn't done yet. 

We have to stay in the game to see the ending. 

Just when you think it was over. 
Death had the victory. 
What seemed impossible came to pass. 

The real ending came. 
Death was overcome. 
The stone was rolled away!
Death could not hold the Savior of the world. 
He rose from the agony of death. 

HE DEFEATED THE ENEMY.  

This Jesus, who today is mocked and ridiculed. 
Believers beheaded, this day, because of their faith in this Jesus. 
This Jesus is coming back friends. 
He is coming to take you and me -
To heaven; forever. 
The promise; fulfilled. 
There will be no more tears, no more pain.
Our anguish and grief will be no more. 


I want to stay in the game. 
I long to see how the rough spots will be smoothed. 
How God will do His work. 

On this Good Friday. 
While we hang in the balance. 
Waiting.
I will look to the cross. 


I am ready.
I am waiting. 

I Will Trust In You

He takes my hand. 

That farmer of mine. 

I ask him how he is. 

He says fine. 

See, 

he lives by the thought;

If I live; 

Great. 

If I die;

Better.

 He asks me how I am?

I begin to weep. 

You see, because I don't want to lose him. 

Because I am tired. 

I am weary. 

I am tired of bad news. 

I know there is good in everything. 

I seek that which is good. 

But today. 

For the moment. 

I am not fine. 

I am sad. 

I am scared. 

I am numb. 

The CT scan showed some spots. 

Spots that shouldn't be there. 

Spots to a cancer patient can mean death. 

They can also be scar tissue. 

The tears continue to flow as I work through my thoughts. 

It's fine if my farmer is ok with dying. 

It's me that isn't. 

And there it is. 

Me. 

When you walk with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. 

There is no room for the me. 

There doesn't have to be. 

He has it all. 

He has gone before us. 

He will go with us. 

When we focus on the "me" our focus has shifted off the

 One who holds the key. 

The One who gives and extends grace. 

The One who has promised to never leave us nor forsake us.

The One that traveled to Calvary that we might have life. 

He bore all so we didn't have to. 

This same God offers us His promise. 

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I tell my farmer I can't do this again. 

I can't watch him go through chemo. 

I can't. 

I don't have it in me. 

How will we survive? 

It is not until the evening. 

When the farmhouse sighs in the quiet that I hear the sound of my Savior. 

I have this, He says. 

No. 

You can not do this. 

You have no more to give. 

No more strength. 

It is now that I will be glorified. 

No matter what happens. 

I sense the very presence of the Almighty. 

We are here on this earth to bring glory and honor to the One 

who breathed breath into our beings. 

Our purpose to bring about His Kingdom. 

I do not know the future. 

I only know this moment. 

And I am going to make it count. 

I'm going to breathe in the glory of the moment. 

I'm placing my eyes heavenward. 

No matter how this journey plays out I am going to trust. 

One of my readings in the Ancient Word has been through Exodus.

God is asking Moses to go to his people. 

To bring a message that makes them uneasy. 

He is asking them to leave a place where they are familiar. 

He asks them to go to the unknown. 

God was working a plan. 

Moses nor the Israelite's could see that plan. 

They needed to be open and willing to be obedient. 

They were being asked to trust.

 To leave a place that was home to travel to a place unknown. 

Are we willing to trust God

to take us places we might not be familiar with? 

My farmer and I are on a journey that is not familiar. 

We are being asked to be obedient. 

We are being asked to trust. 

I am holding tightly to the Promises set before the world began. 

The hope that rests in the Father's way. 

He has the plan. 

He is good. 

I may not like the plan. 

I don't have to. 

He will still do the work He has planned. 

Through it all He will be glorified. 

I am willing to take the journey. 

I am willing to see what He has in store. 

I will trust. 

Psalm 56:3

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.

Lauren Daigle

I Will Trust In You

Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings 
There’s not a day ahead You have not seen
So, in all things be my life and breath
I want what You want Lord and nothing less

His Room is Still Empty. . .And So Is The Tomb

His room is still empty. 

I climb to the top of the stairs. 

It has become cluttered again. . . 

with stuff. 

Stuff that isn't his. 

Extra baggage that doesn't belong there. 

Our new adventure has consumed much energy. 

Each time a list complete. . . another, just as long, emerges. 

Details begat more details. 

Things we hadn't noticed before, began to come to light. 

We were taking the time to examine. 

My quiet time has been filled with me talking. 

Me requesting. 

Pushing off time in the Ancient Word. 

Spending time instead on forms and taxes and legal requirements. 

Those quiet moments with God being pushed aside. 

So subtly I didn't even notice. 

Those things are important. 

Vitally important. 

So is the time we spend with God. 

As we draw closer he refines us. 

Purifies us. 

Changes us. 

He exposes the areas in need of change. 

He walks with us. 

He nourishes us. 

He loves us enough to not leave us where we are;

 but to remove our dross. 

And make us more into His likeness. 

I Corinthians 13:12

For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And as I climb those stairs. . . I think on these things. 

His room will remain empty of him. . . but cluttered with stuff, 

until I choose to go and enter in. 

Enter in to the pain and memories. 

Enter in to the joy and thrill of parenting. 

Remembering the beautiful. 

God is at work. 

He never slumber nor sleeps. 

Psalm 121:4

indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

Though my heart aches and I struggle to define priorities. 

God has not left my side. 

He never said this road would be easy. 

He has always said that he would be there. 

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Our journey is not finished. 

This is not our home. 

We have work to do. 

Jesus is coming back. 

The tomb is empty my friends. 

One day He will wipe away every tear. 

And that should be our focus. 

Life. . . One on one. 

Meeting needs. 

Putting feet on dreams. 

Waiting to see. 

Because the best. . . is yet to come. 

Learning From Wandering Cows

My farmer brings the cows back to the field. 

They have been wandering. 

Stepping over fences. 

Moving outside their boundaries. 

It's not the first time. 

This group pushes and tests the boundaries. 

Repeatedly. 

My farmer calls to them. 

They know him, and hear his voice. 

He leads them back to safety. 

We are like those frisky heifers. 

We're eager to see what is just beyond. 

To feel there is more; just beyond our reach. 

The boundaries; set to protect us. 

Protect us from things we do not even know or understand. 

Lines erased, justified, compromised. 

As small children, parameters are placed for our protection. 

Stern commands to set the boundaries. 

Still. 

Immediate desire to go against the flow. 

Break the rules. 

Stretch the limits. 

Until. 

That gentle Shepherd finds us. 

Jeremiah 31:3

The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.

He gently leads us home. 

Today is Elijah's 20th birthday. 

He has spent 3 birthday's in heaven. 

Some days I want life to stop. 

To not move on. 

I step over those boundaries. 

I attempt to take a path that is outside the way. 

Lovingly and gently my Shepherd brings me back. 

My eyes just need to remain focused. 

I need to hear his voice. 

Spend time with Him so I can recognize His call. 

If you're wandering and feel lost. 

Take time to get to know the One who can lead you home. 

Elijah's greatest gift to me will always be his walk with the Lord. 

He was not perfect; by any means. 

Yet he left this legacy. 

This was no accident or coincidence. 

Thank you my boy. 

For the gift. 

My heart aches with the missing. 

Yet I am confident I will see you again. 

Happy 20th sweetheart.