I Will Trust In You

He takes my hand. 

That farmer of mine. 

I ask him how he is. 

He says fine. 

See, 

he lives by the thought;

If I live; 

Great. 

If I die;

Better.

 He asks me how I am?

I begin to weep. 

You see, because I don't want to lose him. 

Because I am tired. 

I am weary. 

I am tired of bad news. 

I know there is good in everything. 

I seek that which is good. 

But today. 

For the moment. 

I am not fine. 

I am sad. 

I am scared. 

I am numb. 

The CT scan showed some spots. 

Spots that shouldn't be there. 

Spots to a cancer patient can mean death. 

They can also be scar tissue. 

The tears continue to flow as I work through my thoughts. 

It's fine if my farmer is ok with dying. 

It's me that isn't. 

And there it is. 

Me. 

When you walk with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. 

There is no room for the me. 

There doesn't have to be. 

He has it all. 

He has gone before us. 

He will go with us. 

When we focus on the "me" our focus has shifted off the

 One who holds the key. 

The One who gives and extends grace. 

The One who has promised to never leave us nor forsake us.

The One that traveled to Calvary that we might have life. 

He bore all so we didn't have to. 

This same God offers us His promise. 

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I tell my farmer I can't do this again. 

I can't watch him go through chemo. 

I can't. 

I don't have it in me. 

How will we survive? 

It is not until the evening. 

When the farmhouse sighs in the quiet that I hear the sound of my Savior. 

I have this, He says. 

No. 

You can not do this. 

You have no more to give. 

No more strength. 

It is now that I will be glorified. 

No matter what happens. 

I sense the very presence of the Almighty. 

We are here on this earth to bring glory and honor to the One 

who breathed breath into our beings. 

Our purpose to bring about His Kingdom. 

I do not know the future. 

I only know this moment. 

And I am going to make it count. 

I'm going to breathe in the glory of the moment. 

I'm placing my eyes heavenward. 

No matter how this journey plays out I am going to trust. 

One of my readings in the Ancient Word has been through Exodus.

God is asking Moses to go to his people. 

To bring a message that makes them uneasy. 

He is asking them to leave a place where they are familiar. 

He asks them to go to the unknown. 

God was working a plan. 

Moses nor the Israelite's could see that plan. 

They needed to be open and willing to be obedient. 

They were being asked to trust.

 To leave a place that was home to travel to a place unknown. 

Are we willing to trust God

to take us places we might not be familiar with? 

My farmer and I are on a journey that is not familiar. 

We are being asked to be obedient. 

We are being asked to trust. 

I am holding tightly to the Promises set before the world began. 

The hope that rests in the Father's way. 

He has the plan. 

He is good. 

I may not like the plan. 

I don't have to. 

He will still do the work He has planned. 

Through it all He will be glorified. 

I am willing to take the journey. 

I am willing to see what He has in store. 

I will trust. 

Psalm 56:3

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.

Lauren Daigle

I Will Trust In You

Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings 
There’s not a day ahead You have not seen
So, in all things be my life and breath
I want what You want Lord and nothing less