Sunshine Spilled Over

Sunshine spilled over on Resurrection Sunday. 

Warmth. 

Family. 

Food.

The empty tomb. 

The Cross set before us. 

A symbol. 

Hope. 

What was meant for evil. 

God meant for good. 

Sometimes you can't help but embrace the bad to understand the good. 

2 years and 8 months. 

 A journey to walk with purpose.

Seeking to discover, under the shadow of His wing. 

Ever longing for all to be made right. 

The tomb is empty. 

The Savior Risen. 

The hope of all Nations for a broken people. 

The sun beats down on us at my sister in laws. 

Her family walking the grief road. 

The first Easter without my nephew. 

The children without their father. 

Reaching out in hope. 

Stepping into the unknown. 

We sit together. 

Grateful. 

For each other. 

Laughing. 

Remembering. 

Life springing forth in the gardens that were my mother in laws. 

Precious bulbs pressing through the depth of the dark. 

Reaching for light. 

Reminders of the beauty in the struggle. 

When we are anchored to the Rock. 

Psalm 18:2

The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

It's been a great weekend of celebration on the farm. 

My farmers 60th. 

A gathering of family and friends. 

A shower of cards. 

Easter Sunday. 

Celebrated around the rich gathering of generations.

The birds have begun their joyous chorus this morning. 

Signs of Spring; seen if you look. 

Do you have eyes to see? 

I am asking God to keep my eyes wide open to 

not miss the beauty He has in store. 

 Resting in the hope given to us. 

I miss my son with all my being. 

The ache so deep.

Yet I believe God is working a purpose greater than I understand. 

I pray that you have eyes to see the glory that God is unfolding. 

I pray that you walk with hope; even when the way is rough. 

Walking today in deep hope, while clinging to the Rock. 

What about you? 

The Grave Could NOT Hold Him

Reposting, because I am remembering. 
Easter has always been about the Cross. 
Easter has always been what we need. 
Even when we don't understand. 
The antidote to what ails us. 
Always. 

He is risen!

Just like he said. 
His word; Truth. 

He is risen. 

He is coming back again. 
All of creation will bow. 
While we wait. 
We seek to live as He did. 
We bend knees to the ground in humble submission, as we ponder the walk to the cross. 
And as the day dawns we live in hope. 

Matthew 28:6
He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay.

We live in the grace of a RISEN LORD. 

Death could not hold him. 

Acts 2:24

But God raised him from the dead, freeing him from the agony of death, because it was impossible for death to keep its hold on him.

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Easter 2014

The boy leaves me undone. 

Most days are difficult. 

Each word is poison and I can't begin to help him. 

He's lost a brother.
 Dealt with his beloved father being so sick and he's 14. 

I would come unglued. 

He's still fragile in the faith. 

And he's lashing out. 

But sometimes there are glimpses of what is to come. 

The veil pulled back and the blue eyes shine. 

There is humor and there is a sensitivity, so like his fathers. 

This growing and stretching is hard on me. 

So, when there is a calm.
 I embrace it. 

When he leaves me undone.
 I count 1,000 gifts. 

I leave Lilies at Elijah's grave.

No headstone marks his space. . . yet. 

The Lilies a marker.
Something to do. 

Some way to serve.

I place them. 
Feeling the deep ache. 

And then I hear it. 

That blonde haired, blue eyed boy hollers out the window. 

He shouts it; loud;

Mom! What are you doing? 
Elijah hated those things. 

They stink. 

And right in the middle of the graveyard. 

In the deep crevice of missing and longing; I laugh. 

I cry. 

And I am sure I made other noises that are not becoming. 

But the grace that fills the heart when the laughter comes is warm. 

That boy has left me undone. 

Oh to be a people that can laugh and find joy 
even when the hurt is crushing. 

Psalm 30:5

weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

I left the stinky Lilies at the grave. 

One for my mom, one for my son.

I brought the other home. 

One for my in-laws. 

I will plant that stinky lily somewhere here. 

I haven't been able to grow anything; but this, I will try. 

Maybe I will see it grow. 

If we can't bend and yield to the Savior's leading, 
we will be left behind. 

We miss the grace he longs to pour out on his people. 

Even in a graveyard, there is hope. 

I am reminded of the "Dance In The Graveyard" song Ana sang at her concert in the fall. 

The drumming brings me to my knees missing my redheaded drummer. 

He would have loved this song. 

For me, it showed the joy of the sweet reunion we all long for. 

Someday we will be reunited with our loved ones. 

If you have surrendered and bowed low to the giver of life, this gift is yours. 

We will laugh, and we will dance. 

Because, He Has Risen. 

Psalm 30:11

You turned my wailing into dancing; 

you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,

Where Will This Journey Lead?

Hold me close
Let Your love surround me
Bring me near
Draw me to Your side
And as I wait
I'll rise up like the eagle
And I will soar with You
Your Spirit leads me on
By the power of Your love

Words. 

Ancient. 

New. 

Timely. 

Perfect. 

Words that penetrate the heart. 

Reaching deep into the aching hole. 

We can be refreshed and filled; even when we're hurting. 

I never knew I could know such peace. 

I never knew the intimacy I would feel with Christ when 
so much had been torn from me. 

I let the words wash over me as we sing. 
I hold this moment close.
I want to burn this message deep within. 
Hope. 
Beyond anything I could ever ask or imagine. 
When the world seems dark and empty. 
There is light. 
When I feel I can barely breathe another agonizing breath. 
There is hope. 

That at the name of Jesus every knee will bow and tongue confess. 
Jesus has brought me to this. 
He will bring me through it. 


There is strength in the name of the Lord
There is power in the name of the Lord
There is hope in the name of the Lord
Blessed is He, who comes in the name of the Lord

Read more: Sandi Patty - In The Name Of The Lord Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

With each step, I feel the strength God is pouring forth. 
He takes our brokenness and creates beauty. 
He reaches in and smooths the harsh edges. 

I still don't know where God is leading. 
I sometimes feel abandoned and alone. 
Fearful of what the future holds 
Fearful of life without Elijah. 
Fearful the cancer has returned. 

When I stand up close to God and allow Him to wash over me.
Those fears flee. 
God is able to do the work He longs to do. 

We are headed to the cross today. 
A day of intense emotion. 
A week that began with elation and praise as Jesus entered Jerusalem. 

Now ends with humiliation, death and grief. 

But that is not the end of the story. 

God was still writing. 

He wasn't done yet. 

We have to stay in the game to see the ending. 

Just when you think it was over. 
Death had the victory. 
What seemed impossible came to pass. 

The real ending came. 
Death was overcome. 
The stone was rolled away!
Death could not hold the Savior of the world. 
He rose from the agony of death. 

HE DEFEATED THE ENEMY.  

This Jesus, who today is mocked and ridiculed. 
Believers beheaded, this day, because of their faith in this Jesus. 
This Jesus is coming back friends. 
He is coming to take you and me -
To heaven; forever. 
The promise; fulfilled. 
There will be no more tears, no more pain.
Our anguish and grief will be no more. 


I want to stay in the game. 
I long to see how the rough spots will be smoothed. 
How God will do His work. 

On this Good Friday. 
While we hang in the balance. 
Waiting.
I will look to the cross. 


I am ready.
I am waiting. 

We Can Laugh And We Can Dance, Because He Has Risen

He is risen!

Just like he said. 
His word; Truth. 

He is risen. 

He is coming back again. 
All of creation will bow. 
While we wait. 
We seek to live as He did. 
We bend knees to the ground in humble submission, as we ponder the walk to the cross. 
And as the day dawns we live in hope. 

Matthew 28:6
He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay.

We live in the grace of a RISEN LORD. 

Death could not hold him. 

Acts 2:24

But God raised him from the dead, freeing him from the agony of death, because it was impossible for death to keep its hold on him.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Easter 2014

The boy leaves me undone. 

Most days are difficult. 

Each word is poison and I can't begin to help him. 

He's lost a brother.
 Dealt with his beloved father being so sick and he's 14. 

I would come unglued. 

He's still fragile in the faith. 

And he's lashing out. 

But sometimes there are glimpses of what is to come. 

The veil pulled back and the blue eyes shine. 

There is humor and there is a sensitivity, so like his fathers. 

This growing and stretching is hard on me. 

So, when there is a calm.
 I embrace it. 

When he leaves me undone.
 I count 1,000 gifts. 

I leave Lilies at Elijah's grave.

No headstone marks his space. . . yet. 

The Lilies a marker.
Something to do. 

Some way to serve.

I place them. 
Feeling the deep ache. 

And then I hear it. 

That blonde haired, blue eyed boy hollers out the window. 

He shouts it; loud;

Mom! What are you doing? 
Elijah hated those things. 

They stink. 

And right in the middle of the graveyard. 

In the deep crevice of missing and longing; I laugh. 

I cry. 

And I am sure I made other noises that are not becoming. 

But the grace that fills the heart when the laughter comes is warm. 

That boy has left me undone. 

Oh to be a people that can laugh and find joy even when the hurt is crushing. 

Psalm 30:5

weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

I left the stinky Lilies at the grave. 

One for my mom, one for my son.

I brought the other home. 

One for my in-laws. 

I will plant that stinky lily somewhere here. 

I haven't been able to grow anything; but this, I will try. 

Maybe I will see it grow. 

If we can't bend and yield to the Savior's leading, we will be left behind. 

We miss the grace he longs to pour out on his people. 

Even in a graveyard, there is hope. 

I am reminded of the "Dance In The Graveyard" song Ana sang at her concert in the fall. 

The drumming brings me to my knees missing my redheaded drummer. 

He would have loved this song. 

For me, it showed the joy of the sweet reunion we all long for. 

Someday we will be reunited with our loved ones. 

If you have surrendered and bowed low to the giver of life, this gift is yours. 

We will laugh, and we will dance. 

Because, He Has Risen. 

Psalm 30:11

You turned my wailing into dancing; 

you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,

When Each Step Taken, Is On Solid Ground

Easter. A day of great joy. 

Also my birthday. Another new path forged. 

Days I didn't want to walk through. 

Yet the beat of time relentless in its march. 

(Easter 2013)

(Easter 2013)

Then, the realization that your first born is residing in Glory on this Resurrection day. Oh the joy he experiences on a continual basis. We, a people, just trying to understand with limited minds. I made it through most of the service with out crying. It's the first service since Elijah met Jesus and Gary was diagnosed with cancer, that I haven't dissolved into a weeping mess. There were 3 additional lovely ladies with us. We took up 2 pews. And I was so grateful. Even though I was minus one, I was also plus 3. God saw fit to surround me with those that I love. It is continually counting 1,000 Gifts.  Having eyes to see. Stepping onto solid ground. The service was beautiful. A trumpet descant on almost all the songs. Music soothes my soul. It reaches deep to the unseen places. To the places of searing pain. I close my eyes as we sing. . . I am so weary. My mind is filled with memories of years gone by. They come flooding forward.  The pain comes at will. Never when you expect it. It is then I shed a tear. The Hallelujah Chorus is being sung. I breathe deep. Last year Crystal went with Elijah to sing. My tear is for gratitude. I have been held. We have been carried. We will never be let go. We are fiercely sought after.

Jeremiah 31:3 The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness

Even though I don't feel it. Even though my heart cries for the one I miss; we are kept.

 I want to shake the memories. Crystal heads up to sing again this year. She is a strong young lady. She seeks the holy. Not understanding all this. But trying. Searching. 

Jeremiah 29:13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

This has been a long week. I am left with so many questions. A Saturday to a Saturday. . . life changed in a moment. I seek to yield to the will of the Father. I echo our Lord's cry, not my will but thine.  I don't know what is expected of me. Everything still so out of sorts. So raw. So I stay with what I know. I rejoice in the resurrection. The tomb could not hold Jesus. He has conquered death. He can break the bond of sin that holds us. He can fill our longing hearts. He is able.

There are small buds on the trees.  New life. It is rising up; hope in every moment.  May you step into that hope this Easter Monday. A day of remembering in Boston. A new Marathon. Stronger people.

We are a people who "will not be shaken," 

Our feet are placed on solid ground. 

The Best Birthday Gift. . . Ever

Each year I would begin calling my dad around the end of March.
 The countdown to my birthday had commenced.
We played this game for years.
Well into my adulthood.
Long after I should have stopped. 
I loved it.
Mom had a knack for making birthdays and holidays magical.
It wasn't anything she bought.
It was her excitement. It was catchy.
She singled you out.
For worth. For purpose. 
My birthday meant Spring.

The end of the cruel winter.
Each birthday wonderful.
Spent with family and friends.
It didn't matter what we did.
I just loved being together and celebrating.
Mom is gone now.
Called to Jesus. Her Eternal Home.
And now too, my son. 
Last year we went to dinner.
Because we live in such a techy era we have a memory.
A picture.
It was so fun.
God knew we would need these lasting imprints from these final celebrations this side of eternity.

Today I don't really feel like celebrating. 
It's hard to do life when part of you is missing.
But God has other ideas.
Right in the Middle of Holy Week we attended a funeral.
Another heart wrenching, unbelievable loss.
It has left me with questions; trying to make sense of this journey.
The thought of celebrating a birthday while my son resides with the King of Kings has been troubling.
Years of cards and memories.
Yet God, in his infinite wisdom, did not take this lightly.
My birthday would fall on the pivotal day of all days.
The day the stone's been rolled away. 

Friday is gone. 

Now it's Sunday. 

And we are the Sunday people.
A people born into rest.

We are a people that have been set free. 

We have been redeemed.
For worth. For purpose. 

There is nothing we can do to earn this love.

He paid it all. 
It is the greatest birthday gift I could receive.
I think about the cost.
His life. . . for me. 

The grave is empty. 

He is Risen.

Matthew 28:6
He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. 
Come and see the place where he lay.

And because of that gift, eternity is mine.
It is yours. 
One day I will see my son again.
Until then, may I be found faithful.
May you all become a Sunday people. 
Lay down those burdens and take up the cross.
Let God take all that ensnares you.
Let Him fill you with His grace.
Thank you Jesus for the best gift ever given.


Living, He Loved Me
Dying, He Saved Me

He Did What He Had To Do. . .For Us

It's not about the candy or the Bunny. It's not about the Eggs, the baskets or the Ham dinner. 

But it is. 

And One less basket leaves me weak.

There are so many little things that add up to shattered dreams and a broken way. 

And I wonder. 

What was it like in Heaven when Jesus returned?

God had sent his son that star lit night long, long ago.

Sent the babe to Bethlehem. 

The Incarnate.

Isaiah 7:14

Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: 

The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel.

The Savior of the world wrapped in love; destined to die. 

For you. For me. 

He knew what would befall his Son. 

His one and only Son. 

Still; He sent Him. 

My sight was limited. 

 Unmarred with the knowledge of the future cut short. 

But God. 

He knew. 

And He gave.
All the while aching for His Son. 

He didn't withhold.
What a gift. 

We are so limited in our ability to see. 

But our God. He can see it all. 

I bet there was great rejoicing in heaven when Jesus returned. 

And as we wait this side of eternity for His return; All of creation groans.

You see, we are all part of His Kingdom. 

He longs for us all to be gathered. 

The time is not yet fulfilled.

There is still work to be done. 

Until then, we will remain in hope. 

Hope for a day when the tears will be wiped away.   

We wait in between Good Friday and the Resurrection. 

God's wrath spent on One; deserved by all. 

Grace poured out. 

Holiness made perfect.

Acts 2:24

But God raised him from the dead, freeing him from the agony of death,

 because it was impossible for death to keep its hold on him.

Death has been overcome. 

The grave can not hold him. 

The victory won. 

Death WILL NOT have the final say. 

I Corinthians 15:55-57

Where, O death, is your victory?

Where, O death, is your sting?” 

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law.

 But thanks be to God! 

He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

There is sweet victory. 

The story is not complete. 

Jesus will return. 

He is coming. 

Sunday's Comin'.