The Assurance of Knowing

Often we are stretched. 

Beyond what we feel we can handle. 

We breathe deep. 

We long for relief. 

Yet, these circumstances are here to help us grow. 

To change us. 

It's been 35 months of being stretched. 
There are many more months to go. 
The missing deep. 

The walk each day a choice. 
 I am only responsible for the here and now. 
To live this moment in surrender. 
I will let the rest of the moments be dealt with in time. 

In the pew, on Sunday, the children sat between my farmer and I . 
4 of them. 

I breathed deep. 
I want to remember this moment. 
To not forget. 
These are beautiful glimpses. 
Snapshots really. 

Our Pastor displays a quote. 

For it is one thing to see the Land of Peace from a wooded ridge, and yet another to walk the road that leads to it.” -Augustine

Oh, how I know this journey. 
This road. This road. 
Yet, I know the peace that travels with me on the journey; 
and the peace that awaits at the end is far greater than all I could imagine. 

We here at the Davis Farm will continue to walk
 that road that leads to peace. 

We will stand firm in hope. 

We long for you to know that hope. 
The laying down. 
All. 
To surrender. 
All.
To the One who longs to pick you up. 
Who went to the Cross. 
For All. 
That assurance of knowing. 

Matthew 7:13-14
"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

Those Dark Days; They Will Come

The dark of the day rises to meet me. 

The warmth of the previous days a tease. 

My son, my son, my soul cries out. 

I pass the accident site. 

Today. 

I slip. 

The images flash before me. 

Images I never saw. 

Images that played out while I slept. 

My darling red head. 

My first born son. 

Passed from this life while I slept. 

Oh, how I miss him. 

The deep, piercing ache creeps through my veins today. 
The wait for next tests for my farmer. 

I cling to the Ancient promises. 

The truth. 

This road will never be easy. 

Yet I want these times to glorify the One who allowed it to happen. 

Even in my lowest time; when the ache seems strongest, I cling to hope. 

There is always, always hope. 

Not the, "I hope I get a bike for Christmas" hope. 

The hope of the assurance of the grace of the King of Kings. 

He reaches down and comforts those who mourn. 
I remind myself of truth. 
Truth that Elijah is where we all long to be. 
There is a purpose and a plan. 

God will use all these pieces together; 
to bring glory and honor to his name. 
He will be exalted. 
He will be praised. 
I feel the icy hurt and fear begin to melt. 
The deep sense of peace and assurance, once again rises. 

My strength only comes from God on High. 
For me, there is no other way to walk this road. 
I pass the accident site a few more times this day. 
Each time praying fervently for holiness to reign in that spot. 
For memories of good times to come flooding through. 

The college girl is coming home. 
The oldest farm girl is heavy with child. 

Time is marching forward. 

If I don't embrace these moments; those too will be lost forever. 
So I choose, once again to push through these agonizing moments. 
To breathe deeply the hope in Christ. 
With feet planted on the solid rock of my Savior I press on. 
I will wait for the call for our new grandchild 
I will wait in hope for God's directions in our lives. 

Psalm 33:20
We wait in hope for the LORD;
 he is our help and our shield.


And each day I will give Praise and Honor to the one who numbers our days. 

Isaiah 43:19
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; 
do you not perceive it? 
I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

When the Quiet Still Hangs in the Air

While the early morning quiet still hung in the air. 

The phone rang.

Love on the line from Haiti. 

A quick hello and good bye. 

While the news blares Presidential Candidate 

updates and tolerance and intolerance are debated. 

A group is in Haiti. 

Sharing, loving, building, sweating in the name of Jesus. 

The noon time heat is intense. 

So they chose to get to work early. 

They headed to the boys home to build a Safe-T home. 

Temporary shelter for a people longing for a home. 

New beginnings; glimmers of hope. 

The wifi connection is spotty. 

So communication is limited. 

A stark reminder of how dependent we are on fast paced communication. 

Immediate access to information. 

Texting. 

Ways to communicate, never having to speak a word. 

The youngest and I find ourselves alone. 

We go to a friends to watch a movie.

This movie spoke a message loud and clear. 

A message that resonates with my heart. 

Prayer is important. 

We are fighting a War. 

A war for our children's souls. 

Our marriages. 

Our everyday living. 

There is a battle. 

A battle that says you're not good enough. 

This is what you need to be happy. 

A culture that continues to tell us, if we just have this, 

then we can be happy. 

We just need "stuff" to make us happy. 

We need to put ourselves first. 

And then we'll be happy. 

Oh my. 

No, no. 

This is not how it works. 

It is not until we surrender.

Put Jesus first, that is where our happiness begins. 

This. 

This is joy. 

This is love. 

This is not where he wanted to go. 

If he had put himself first, he would be here, on the farm, 

taking care of chores. 

Because that is what he wanted to do. 

Instead he went in obedience. (sort of) 

And God has met him there. 

In his brokenness and deep missing. 

This is love from Haiti. 

This make my mama's heart sing. 

This takes the ache and fills that deep, deep hole with grace. 

We've got one shot in this world to make it count;

to make a difference. 

When the world shouts to us that we need more. 

We need this or that to be happy. 

We need to silence those voices. 

We need to bow our knee to the One who breathes life into us; 

who knows the plans He has for us. 

(photo credit-Kayli Leavitt)

I am not here to become successful or rich. 

I am here to serve; in whatever way God chooses. 

I do not know what that looks like long term. 

What I know is that here, in this moment, I need to be in prayer. 

In the quiet. 

In the chaos. 

In the confusion and busyness. 

No matter the journey. 

Looking heavenward. 

Stepping into obedience even when it's hard. 

Finding joy where God leads. 

Even in the heartache. 

Even when I am disappointed. 

Even when I don't understand. 

I have open and complete access to God. 

He never slumbers nor sleeps. 

Psalm 121:4

He will not let your foot slip-- he who watches over you will not slumber;

indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

There is never poor service or a busy signal. 

You don't have to leave a message or stand in line. 

He's there. 

Waiting. 

Longing. 

As I continue to wait to hear from Haiti. 

I will do the work I have been called to do. 

In humble submission, before a loving and Powerful God. 

While I wait to hear from Haiti. 

I will bend my knee and raise my hands in Praise to the 

One who calls me by name.

For these moments are rich. 

They are not to be missed. 

I will do what I am called to do here. 

What? November is Over Already? Day # 30 of Thankfulness

We were off the farm for a little over 24 hours.

Attending a baptism. 

Being with family. 

Trying to embrace this new change. 

Pushing through the loss and grief and all we have known. 

We have been blessed. 

It's so hard because it was so good. 

Not perfect. 

At all. 

But good. 

And the memories made; a treasure. 

We want that for our kids. 

Memories. 

Laughter. 

Family. 

Grace. 

This last day of November is the 30th day of Thankfulness. 

My how this month has flown by. 

Each day wanting, trying, working to enter Thankfully. 

Why is it so hard to walk with gratitude? 

Why is my default always grumbling and complaining. 

The Israelite's were not even to the Red Sea, after their Exodus from Egypt before they were desiring to go back. 

Wanting to go to what was familiar. 

Even though it included slavery and opression. 

But Moses told them,

Eodus 14:14

The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.”

God is at work. 

He is fighting for me. . . He is fighting for you. 

Picture that. 

Someone, loves you enough to be fighting for you. 

We can't always see how it is going. 

It may not feel like anything is happening. 

All we see is heartache and turmoil. 

I assure you. 

He is fighting. 

He is holding tightly and will never let you go. 

Ever.

30 Days of Thankfulness~

I am thankful for:
reminders that I am loved and held by the Author and
 Creator of this vast Universe
 joy that comes from deep within
moments of reflection and quiet
coffee and the warmth of a fire

a light dusting of snow after these long beautiful fall days

a farm boy who turns the Christmas Tree lights on as soon as he gets home

the smell of clean laundry

grace, that covers a multitude of sin

the act of intentional gratitude

the hope of Advent

the memories I hold so dear

brothers who are silly and goofy

sisters in laws that love my brothers

another day to seek and serve as God's child

I hope these 30 days of Thankfulness have strengthened

 your walk with God. 

That walking intentionally into gratitude leaves you full of grace and mercy for those around you. 

They say that it takes 30 days to establish a habit. 

It will take me years of walking this path purposefully to shake the complaining gene. 

But I am willing to walk the path to greater living. 

May I someday be able to say as Paul did.

He had learned, no matter what he face, to be content in all circumstances. 

Philippians 4:12

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

May we all continue to name our gratitude each and every day. 

A little Late But So Grateful Day # 20 of Thankfulness

I'm weary. 

500 plus miles in a little over 24 hours.

A baptism. 

Family time. 

Photo shoots. 

All time, marching on. 

I'm powerless to stop it. 

Living needs to continue. 

Change. 

Hard. 

Inevitable.

Hebrews 6:19

We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. 

It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain,

My hope is secure

I still don't like this change. 

But I need to press on. 

30 Days of Thankfulness~

I am thankful for:

Moments with my dad 

new life

the waters of baptism 

cousins

giggles and laughter

a shared meal

Christmas decorations

the farmette and her mommy and daddy who drive 2 hours to be with us

a farmer who stays up until midnight watching Hallmark

 movies with my brother

a niece who gave so we could get away

We get to do this life once. 

I pray that my eyes are wide open to see all that God will do. 

I don't want to be so distracted that I miss what is right in front of me. 

How Gratitude Changes Us Day #28 of Thankfulness

I have chosen, with God's help, to walk a journey of Thankfulness this month. 

It is a practice that is cultivated. 

It requires digging deep and reflection. 

Finding things to be thankful for is not always easy. 

There are things to gripe and complain about. 

Rights violated, feelings hurt, fairness not applied. 

This is what makes the world turn. 

Injustices. 

Anger. 

Greed. 

Getting ahead. 

At all cost. 

Glamour and prestige. 

The spotlight. 

Yet isn't that what Jesus fought the whole time he was here on earth? 

The idea that he was a King? 

His desire; to seek and serve. 

His desire; for souls to be changed. 

From the inside out. 

He spoke against sin and the devastating affects it has. 

Yet he came along side the sinner. 

He didn't leave them there. 
He walked with them. 
He walks with us. 

He requires change. 

When we yield to gratitude something inside us changes. 

We look for the gift in life. 

I am choosing to look more and more for that gift. 

30 Days of Thankfulness~

I am thankful for:

friends and family visiting through the day

a farmhouse table full of young and old, munching on leftovers

doors flung open, welcoming those who enter in

the farm boy and his ability to create beauty where I see none

these warm days; so strange

mowing hay on November 27

large font size

decorating for Christmas

the girls and Rachel helping to get the house decorated 

the opportunity to get away for a quick overnight to MA for our new nieces baptism

the promise and hope of Advent

intentionally naming my thanks

choosing gratitude

leftovers

pie

white lights

memories

grace 

this run down farmhouse with torn curtains and broken windows; I love every inch

the reminder that I am loved no matter how difficult or lousy I feel

Jeremiah 31:3

The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.

He Knows our Name Day #27 of Thankfulness

Looking back is a practice I need. 
I journal to remind myself. 
I read God's word for the reminders of hope and promises. 
Looking back is a gift. 
Sometimes hard and painful 
Often uplifting. 
Reminding us of the faithfulness set before us. 

2 Peter 1:12
So I will always remind you of these things, even though you know them and are firmly established in the truth you now have.

Many things are still true this day. 
We are grateful for so much. 
We will get our tree. 
We will step into the Advent season with great expectation. 
The words penned last year. . . .
16 months after our boy journeyed home are still true to this day. 
(well maybe not the snow part. . . )
The day after. . . 

---------------------------------------------------------------------
November 28, 2014

It's the day after. 

The day after 22 people for dinner.
The day after we bowed low in Thanksgiving for the deep gift we have been given. 
After the Turkey and pies and steaming cups of coffee. 

After giggles and playing in snow. 

Now, it is the wee hours of quiet; the day after. 

One daughter off to work. 

Retail and Black Friday. 
My farmer; milking, overseeing all that needs to be done. 

It is also 16 months since our red head walked this earth. 

2 Thanksgivings he has rejoiced with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

2 Thanksgivings that have challenged me to my core;
 of choosing to step into gratitude. 

My quest to reach for Jesus in every moment. 

Seeking Him more. 

He knows my name. 

How can I fully know His more? 

Philippians 3:10

I want to know Christ--yes, to know the power of his resurrection 

and participation in his sufferings, 

becoming like him in his death,

This is the day we also head to gather our Christmas Tree. 

A tradition begun long ago. 

Years of Currier and Ives moments when my dad would pull the truck up to the side doors and the farm house double doors would be flung open. 

Babies all snuggled here at the house while mom and I decorate 

and pink hot chocolate simmered on the stove. 

The fighting being over tired and not wanting to decorate the tree. 

How the little kids kept putting all the ornaments on the bottom 
of the tree and how funny it looked. 

Someone invariably storming off because they were mad. 

Such happy ,delightful memories. 

So, today we will head to the woods -ok the family will head to the woods, I will stay in the house where it is warm and I can appreciate the snow from the inside- and gather the smells of Christmas and bring it home. 

We will pack up Fall and usher in Winter. 

The Season of Advent upon us. 
A time to reflect and seek to be fully known. 
To know fully the One who came to give all. 

Because, don't we all want to be known?
Don't we all long to be understood and be heard. 
There is One who hears. 
Who longs for His people to return to Him. 

This day, as the Tree is placed and the lights are hung, may this preparation prepare my heart to enter in. 
Into Thanksgiving, into knowing God more fully. 
He knows our name. 
No matter how much I struggle with resting in a God who knows my name; yet also allowed my heart to shatter into a million pieces, he does know my name. 
And He will one day make all things right. 
I pray that your heart is surrendered to the King of Kings and that your soul rejoices in the free gift He has given to All. 

30 Days of Thankfulness~

I am thankful for:

Clarissa's friends here for a visit

a home full of teenagers and children

a kitchen that needs much cleaning

a day ahead of decorating for Christmas

the Season of Advent

a warm home and hot coffee

(which I ruined the first cup by thinking somehow

 I would grow to like eggnog in my coffee)

leftovers

meals you can create with leftovers

snow softly falling

17 Thanksgivings with my red head

a God who know my name

growth in spite of the pain

the gift of grace

friends who continually help us journey on

a family from California who shared the meal at our farmhouse table

the quiet moments where God reaches down and soothes my aching heart

the hope of today and strength He gives

Francesca Battistelli

He Knows My Name 

He calls me chosen,  free, forgiven, 

wanted, Child of the King

His forever, held and treasured, 

I am loved

Intentional Praise Day # 26 of Thankfulness

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Praise Him all creatures here below

Praise Him above ye Heavenly hosts

Praise Father Son and Holy Ghost

We sing it every Sunday. 

For years. 

In response to giving. 

To giving of His tithe and our offering. 

The words and melody simple and familiar. 

Everyone Praise Him 

It doesn't say where, or when. 

Just to praise. 

In obedience. 

All creatures. 

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Stepping into gratitude when you want
 to step right back to bed takes practice. 

Each day tiny steps. 

Remember to encourage each other with life giving words. 

Find a way. 

Seek the blessed. 

Find the good. 

Reach for hope. 
While the missing is deep today, the choice to order my steps
 toward hope was intentional. 
We'll gather around this farm house table to celebrate our gratitude. 

Two families deep in grief. 
Two families standing on the promises of hope. 
I can not do this alone. 
My flesh is weak. 
But He is strong and in Him is my trust. 

Psalm 28:7
The Lord is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him and I am helped.
My heart leaps for joy
and I will give thanks to him in song.
the Lord is the strength of his people,
a fortress of salvation for his anointed one. 

30 Days of Thankfulness~

I am thankful for:
a week of surprises and love
blessings in Best Buy
a puppy who is getting stronger each day
the college girl being home
the oldest farm girl and the traditions she is making with the farmette
the farm boy and two little girls-who aren't so little anymore
forgiveness
the pink hues of the sunrise
50 degrees on Thanksgiving Day
a day set aside for giving thanks
quiet mornings and hot coffee by the fire
the Ancient Word that brings life to my weary soul
opportunities to serve in other countries
people who want to help serve the people of Haiti and drop of items to the farm
not always knowing the outcome; learning how to trust
my farmer and our life together;
 it is not always easy and we have much to learn;
prayer
all I am learning in this journey with God 


May your day be rich in the goodness and love meant for all. 
Laying down my life at the foot of the cross was 
the best decision I have ever made. 
May you know that complete peace that is offered freely. 

Happy Thanksgiving to all.