Turning Father's Day Right Side Up

Rising early each morning, my farmer heads to the barn.

Never complaining. 

Morning his favorite time. 

He's never upset to milk alone. 

He takes his time. 

Enjoying the quiet. 

Our children have appreciated this time as well. 

Moments spent with their father beneath a sea of stars. 

The chill of the early morning; stimulating. 

Walking with purpose. 

Cows to bring to the barn. 

Wildlife. 

Unfamiliar sounds. 

All part of the memory. 

Our journey to Organic Certification complete.

It has been quite an experience. 

Still waiting for that first check. 

Many cows dry. 

Making cash flow so difficult. 

Milk prices so low. 

The waiting seeming to take forever. 

We've learned much in this transition. 
Yet my farmer stays steadfast. 

The farm is a great teacher. 
Patient. 
Yielding. 
Strong.
Demanding. 

Much like my farmer. 
Much like my father. 
Much like my father in law. 
Three influential men in my life. 

Three men I learned from. 

Each sharing unique pieces of my Heavenly Father. 

My father, this year, will spend Father's Day in heaven. 

It will be 3 weeks tomorrow since he journeyed home. 
Sweet reunions. 
His mind fluid. 
Rejoicing. 
This brings a sense of peace to my soul. 
The memory thief had taken so much. 

My Father in law also resides with the King of Kings. 

A hard working man who loved fiercely with out words. 
Who worked 2 jobs to provide for his family. 
A man who bowed low to the King of Kings with all his being. 

I wake this morning with the goal of a Thankful heart. 

Each moment will be captivated by gratitude. 

I will push away grief. 

With the help of Holy Spirit this day will be beautiful. 

My farmer;

is an amazing dad. 

His selfless dedication to our family; a gift. 
His daughter has chosen well. 

Fatherhood embraced. 

His love for the Lord and this land deeply embedded in his soul.

Today we honor these men. 

I am grateful for each of their part in helping to shape who I am today. 

I am deeply grateful to my heavenly Father for allowing me to have had such wonderful men in my life. 

May you choose today to find joy. 
To take what may have been broken and see the strength 
gained from a hard walk. 
Take time to seek the good. 
Let God shape you in His image. 
Our broken parts become beautiful in light of His grace. 

In 1971,Elisabeth Elliot, had this to say about Fathers. 
Article on Fathers, by Elisabeth Elliot

Psalm 147:1
Praise the LORD. How good it is to sing praises to our God,
 how pleasant and fitting to praise him!

Whom Shall I Fear?

I cut his hair. 

This man I call dad. 

My hero.

Handsome. 

Fun. 

Handy. 

Now ordered and known intimately by the memory thief. 

He cracks a few jokes. 

We visit. 

It's time to go. 

I can feel the lump. 

The elevator;  a mind of it's own today. 

My brother and I stand and wait. 

It's the leaving. 

I head to my car. 

I call my farmer. 

I can barely talk. 

I list off the "not right's" and the pain of the past 27 months. 

All the losses. 

So many. 

It clouds my evening. 

It is not until the morning, when I wake to a new day;

when I walk to the end of the drive way;

and see the freshly fallen snow. 

Snow that covers the ground as a blanket.

White. 

Clean.

The air heavy with silence. 

It is only then that I am reminded:

Deuteronomy 31:8

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

Even this part of the journey,

is passing through the Father's hands. 

He goes before us, he goes behind us. . . and he goes with us. 

This was Gary's prayer at my brother Trevor's wedding. 

A prayer I still remember so well. 

And here on this snowy morning. 

I rest in the knowledge that we are not alone. 

Even in this. 

God is here. 

I look around me. 

There are so many changes taking place. 

27 months have changed my world forever. 

But I will not be discouraged. 

I will not be dismayed. 

What about you? 

Can you take courage today? 

Are you able to step into joy? 

I'd love to hear your story. 

We all need each other. 

Whom Shall I Fear?

Chris Tomlin

He Held All These Moments First

There are no Christmas decorations. 

Actually there is no one home. 

I do not have my key, because it is still on the key chain that I can hardly bear to look at. 

So different from the years gone by. 

There are leaves all over the driveway and yard. 

More signs of change.

Dad always kept his yard free of leaves and such. 

It's almost too much to bear.

The heaviness and magnitude of all that is gone weighs me down. 

Each step towards the door; agonizing. 

I notice everything out of place. 

I see what's been moved. 

New pictures on the wall. 

I stand in the door way. 

I breathe deep. 

I question why I have come here. 

What am I doing here? 

But no matter where I go. . . there is loss. 

At home it's Elijah. Here it is mom. 

And the seven months that separate their loss wraps around my heart. 

This walk is hard. 

It takes all I am to step forward. 

To step into Hope. 

To set my mind above. 

I dig. 

I reach deep to the truths that I know. 

To the well worn path. 

I can not change the circumstances.
I turn to the memories for their warmth. 
Interesting, they don't sting so much. 
Mom's chair;

brings images of her sitting with her coffee,
laughing or telling a story. 
Looking at pictures. 
Oh, how she loved her pictures. 
A wall in the office, covered with all those she held dear. 
Family, friends. 
She never met a stranger. 
I can see her planning our day out. 
Lunch, shopping. 
Always shopping. 
Me who abhors shopping, loved it with her. 
She loved to shop. 
I hover in the memories. 
I walk around the house. 
I thank God for the gift of family. 
Once again the ache slowly gives way. 
The God of the Universe Can handle all my pain. 
He will guide our hearts each moment. 
His love for us is everlasting. 
May you anticipate that love this Advent Season. 

Expect great things. 

Isaiah 43:19
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? 
I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.


He will make a way. 
For me; for you.
Wonderful truths that God will share. 
In spite of the hurt. 
In the middle of the darkness. 
He will shine. 

Living in these precious moments. 
They are fleeting. 
But they are beautiful. 
Because God held them first. 

PSalm 102:11-12
My days are like the evening shadow; I wither away like grass.
But you, LORD, sit enthroned forever; 
your renown endures through all generations.

MercyMe
The Hurt and the Healer

So here I am 
What's left of Me
Where Glory meets my suffering