Sunday, December 15, 2013

What Do You Do When Nothing Is Going Right?

The lights twinkle.
The kids are playing. Clarissa is at work. 
It is unusually quiet. 
It's nice.

We are waiting for Gary to come in. 
It's been that kind of a day. 
The kind of day where you hold on with all you have. 
Because it's all about to slip out of your grasp. 
And I've come to realize, that's really ok. 
We are learning to hold very loosely to the things of this earth. 
Our hands remain open, either for removing, or pouring in.
These days it seems more for the removing. 
Yet, I can not see the big picture. 

Things go wrong today. The Swinger won't move. Gary spends time trying to find out why.
When he really wanted to be in out of the cold spending time with his family. 
Bales are frozen together because it is so cold out,
making it hard to feed those hungry girls.

(photo courtesy of Mallory Burritt)

The water to the new barn freezes. There is still work to be done on the insulation. 
And when it's this cold and dark; it's down right depressing. 
But these are the ways of the farm.

These are the ways our forefathers worked this land. 
The farming way is not for the faint of heart.
There is great beauty, even when things go wrong and feel out of sorts.
My farmer faces chemotherapy and radiation this week.

There is so much unknown about this time. 
I am not sure I have ever felt so helpless in all my life. 

The farm hangs in delicate balance.
Mainly because of a serious of "Unfortunate Events".
(which happened to be one of Elijah's all time favorite reading series)
One after another; singly would be fine, but together have knocked us off our feet. 
But isn't that where God can do his greatest work? 
When we are surrendered to him?
When we bend our knees low. 
Each day is a conscious choice to humble ourselves. To let God work his mighty plan through us. 
For me, there is no other way. 
My steps would be meaningless and hope extinguished. 
So once again, we will lift our voice in praise.
We open our hands. 
We will have eyes to see the beauty. 
We will travel the well worn path.
And my farmer has gone back out again. Even though he is tired and wants to go to bed. His first priority is to make sure those cows have all they need. It is their needs above his.

And even though I would rather be here. 

I really want to be where God is.
Even when all is wrong; when death has visited our door, when chemo and radiation loom and when the future is unsure. 

Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. 
Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with
 you wherever you go."

A friend reminded me of these videos.
Here is great wisdom, seen through the eyes of the children.
Take heart.
Be strong.


  1. Praying for you guys, Tammy. Your year has been, well, words fail me. It can't be summed up in a word, like many years can. Your blog entries give me a sense of how to pray for you all, how you're doing. But more than that, they are a blessing to others, as you allow us to walk with you in your relationship with the Lord. Thank you for being open with your brothers & sisters and friends.

    1. Thank you Joel. It's been quite a journey. We want to travel the path God has planned. . .and we are trusting and trying to yield to his will. So glad to keep in touch, even after all these years.