Friday, December 13, 2013

When Life Isn't Fair

It's not fair they shout!
I'm making them clean up their school books. But I have interrupted their game playing.
And they shout at me. Yes, those cute little girls. They shout; it's NOT fair. 
And I think back to Elijah's funeral and Glenn's proclamation that it isn't fair. Oh how right he was. It's not fair. There is nothing about this journey that's fair. 
There's nothing fair about my mom having cancer for 9 years and dying at 69. Or the memory thief storming dad's doors in his 50's and setting up permanant camp at 71. It isn't fair that our land flooded and flooded until pastures couldn't be used and feed became scarce. Sending us into a financial spin beyond what we prepare for. It's not fair that at 17; with a promising future, a hard working, loveable boy hit's a telephone pole and his life forever silenced. And it's not fair that at 57 after living a life working hard, eating well, making healthy
decisions that my farmer is diagnosed with cancer. 
                               Really. It's not fair. 
And honestly; sometimes I want to stomp my feet and just scream.Oh how we want to make life fair.
We want to make it even out.
That is never to be. The scales are tipped; the young, handsome, very loved son will never walk the way of this farm, ever again. And it's not fair. 
The manure pit is being emptied. Thanks to the help of a local farmer. We never would be this far. 
The bills stack higher and higher. The chemo and radiation, imminent. Christmas 2 weeks away.
And I want to shout it's not fair.
 Nothing is right. 
Everything is messed up.
And grace visits me through the mail. 
Words of encouragement for this weary soul.
A former colleague and friend, seen at a concert sends a note. A gift from friends and strangers.
 All to help ease the burden. All a reminder that we are not alone. And that no matter how unfair.
Someone else is recognizing that pain and wants to share. This humbles me and leaves me speechless. 
You know what?
He knows about unfairness.
It's not fair that a sinless Savior went to the cross for my sins.
He went willingly. 
The Ultimate Sacrifice. He didn't go kicking and screaming. He didn't go condemning either. 
His words from the cross:  Father forgive them for they know not what they do.
We are a forgiven people. 
We walk in light.
In repentance is great mercy, peace and grace.
That is right where I want to stay.
Right where God intended his people to be.

1 John 1:7
But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, 
we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus,
 his Son, purifies us from all sin.

Angels we have on heard high
Sweetly singing ore the plains
And the mountains in reply
Echoing their joyous strains 

Gloria in excelsis Deo
Gloria in excelsis Deo 

Glory to God in the highest


  1. Tammy, I've uttered those words myself many times throughout my life...God hears! I know you know that and your words minister to others who are also in pain. Blessings to your family. Praying for you all as you walk through the valley of the shadow of will return!

    1. I think I am learning the joy hasn't left. That as we yearn for God's kingdom to come, we see with different eyes the things of this earth. It all grows strangely dim in the light of His Glory and Grace. Thank you for praying. Step by step. . .

  2. Oh yes--what good reminders today! It's not fair that we should share in His inheritance. It's not fair that the cup of wrath should be drained for us, and that we should receive a cup of blessing instead. Reminding myself today of the unfairness that has brought me favor, even when my soul feels weary. Love that video too--such talent! Glory to God in the highest. Yes!!

    1. Yes, Glory to God in the Highest, when all is wrong and out of sorts. Glory to God through the yuck hurt and pain of this world. . .