Saturday, December 21, 2013

Sometimes We Just Need A Time Out

I have only been home for about an hour and I can start to feel it. 
The counters are a mess.
There is laundry everywhere.

Food needs to be put away; the dish drainer emptied.
The kids have left their backpacks on the bench and violins and costumes
for the upcoming performance.

 I have been at the hospital all day and coming home to a mess and
uncooperative kids is. . .well, it's just normal.
They are kids.
They've been in school all day and then came home; and they are on vacation and the last thing they are thinking about are the messes.
And that's good. 
They should be thinking about endless days of fun; vacation.
They are not fighting. They are safe.
Elijah's pictures stare back at me and the weight of everything presses down.
I pull off my gloves; I have been washing dishes.
I head into the parlor for a time out.
I need a few moments.
I head right to the only place that sets my heart right.
The only place that will give me peace and turn my wayward thinking around;
to the Christmas Tree. 

No, I head to the Word.
The life giving Word.
But staring at the tree brings me great peace.
I love to sit and stare at things.
My husband used to worry.
Not so much anymore.
He's happy when I am quiet.

Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, 
and I will give you rest.

So much of this journey in life involves surrendering. 
It is an act of the will to lay down your burdens and give them over to the 
One who longs to carry them for us; and fill us with His Peace. 
 He may not take them away;
but he has promised to walk with us, every step of the weary way. 

Deutoronomy 31:6-8
Be strong and courageous. 
Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, 
for the Lord your God goes with you;
 he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

We have finished Day #2 of radiation and Day #1 of chemo.
He has had his Christmas cocktail and his Christmas glow.

For the time the nausea is at bay.
So much of this reminds me of my mom.
The reminding to drink water; seeking if there is a need.
It leaves you feeling helpless while they pump in toxic cocktails
that somehow prolong your life.
My farmer heads to the barn with Cedric.
 It is icy out and the cows are the first priority.

They need a safe place. We do not want any owies this evening.
So he shreds a bale in the pack barn to make the area more palatable.
It is imperative that we continue to ship quality milk and keep the cows healthy and safe.
There is much to be done.Yet it is a good distraction.
It is a focus.
And my farmer warms my heart. He is such a trooper.

Gary joins me on the couch when he comes in. I am watching "It's A Wonderful Life."
But I can't stay awake. The length of the day catches up with me. I head into bed.
Day #1 of Chemo is over.
Only 5 more to go.
I close my eyes and thank God for all the blessings of this day.
I just wish it was snowing instead of being icy. 
So I'll dream about Dean Martin and Jimmy Stewart.

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