I Am Not Sure I Want A Clean Slate

The new year came.  

2014 came with a tick of a moment.
A beat.

Much like the moment; the beat, that stopped the night our son was killed. 

2014 a new beginning, a clean slate; 

                                                  one I don't want so clean.
                                    I don't want to chose a word, or make resolutions. 
                             The thought of a whole year with out our son is daunting. 
                                  I really only have grace for the day; for moments.
              Especially when life has thrown you a curve ball and your heart is breaking.

                                              A clean slate might be a good thing.

 I don't want to be the one to do the writing.
I am tired and battle weary.

 I gave that right up long ago.

He, who called us by name; He, longs to write my story.
He that brought me to life.
The same He who called my son home, who is allowing this cancer and financial struggle.
The same.
And though I do not understand. . .at all.
I trust.
I lay that slate before him.

Everyone has a story. 

Each person. 

 I want to hear those stories.
I want to be aware. 

I want to yell a little less and listen a little more. 

I want to take this messy, dirty life and let God write a beautiful story. 

So, here is my slate.

And before I can even post this,
 2013 continued to rear it's ugly head and dished a final blow.

Lord we need you. Write your word on our hearts.
Fill us with your love for this weary, weary journey.