Wednesday, January 1, 2014

I Am Not Sure I Want A Clean Slate

The new year came.  
2014 came with a tick of a moment.
A beat.
Much like the moment; the beat, that stopped the night our son was killed. 
2014 a new beginning, a clean slate; 

                                                  one I don't want so clean.
                                    I don't want to chose a word, or make resolutions. 
                             The thought of a whole year with out our son is daunting. 
                                  I really only have grace for the day; for moments.
              Especially when life has thrown you a curve ball and your heart is breaking.

                                              A clean slate might be a good thing.
 I don't want to be the one to do the writing.
I am tired and battle weary.
 I gave that right up long ago.
He, who called us by name; He, longs to write my story.
He that brought me to life.
The same He who called my son home, who is allowing this cancer and financial struggle.
The same.
And though I do not understand. . .at all.
I trust.
I lay that slate before him.

Everyone has a story. 
Each person. 

 I want to hear those stories.
I want to be aware. 
I want to yell a little less and listen a little more. 
I want to take this messy, dirty life and let God write a beautiful story. 
So, here is my slate.

And before I can even post this,
 2013 continued to rear it's ugly head and dished a final blow.

Lord we need you. Write your word on our hearts.
Fill us with your love for this weary, weary journey.


  1. Each moment of pain and still we move forward. My brother's wife is battling her third round with cancer, his son addiction and he diabetes and is a recovering addict, yet he has found the Spirit to bring him to build a truck for a Vet. A young man whose wife ran from his PTSD and his demons. My brother is on the verge of loosing his house but he raised money to buy the transmission and put it into the truck. He could have sold the truck for a lot but sold it for very little. Raised the money to register the truck as well. Pray for him. Brenda