Sunday, January 26, 2014

When You're Prayers Aren't Answered. . .And Life Has Taken A Sharp Turn

The intent was for summers warmth to dissipate winters cruel blow. 
For the prayers on the bales to be seen when the sun has hidden itself for days on end. 
When the dark of the day is the longest and encouragement in short supply. 
I prayed over everyone of those bales. Every single one. 
I wrote my prayers out.
I prayed for relief from the financial strain and plentiful nutrients in those bales.
I prayed for protection for my family.
For strength in the journey.

But my prayers weren't answered.
Sometimes they aren't.
As a matter of fact my prayers were not answered at all in the way I wanted. 
Sometimes God answers our prayers in the way we want. 
We just happen to have our desires aligned with him.
Sometimes his answers are, No. 

And this was a resounding, No.
Our journey on this earth, actually became filled with searing pain.
Even after spending that whole day in prayer and praise. 

It was Thursday, July 25, 2013. 
Little did I know it would be the final 72 hours I would ever spend with my son. 
But we spent it together. 
He got so frustrated with me as I slowed the wrapping process down. 
Praying, writing on the bales, taking pictures and just being silly. 
But what I didn't know, was how much that day would come to mean to me. 
I knew that in the winter months, seeing writing on the bales would be a 
sweet reminder of the warmth of summer. 
 But this. . . this, I had forgotten. 

Writing on the bales in the heat of summer. 
A message for my boy while he was stacking bales. 

Gary brings this to me on the night of Winter Ball.
From a bale he has just opened to feed.

On the night when the memories flow.
When I balance on the edge of fear as two children are out. 
And I long for them safe in their beds. 
While time marches on and new memories are made.

When my prayers were not answered in the way I expected. 
And one will never return to his bed.
The dark of winter is settled in. And the messages of hope sprawled over a few bales
 is not enough to dissipate the cold.
But it is a start. 
The light will always overcome the darkness, no matter how small a spark.
The hope that rises in us from years of a well worn path pushes us on.
I ask my farmer to save that stinky piece of plastic.
That piece of summer when all the world was right for me.
But is this not right? 
If this is God's plan; then this is the road I am to walk.
And I don't want any other. 
I want the journey that brings glory to His name.
I want the journey that He walks every step with me.
There is no other way.

2 Corinthians 5:6-8
Therefore we are always confident and know that as long 
as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. 
 For we live by faith, not by sight. 
 We are confident, I say, 
and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord.

Won't you sing with me? When you're sacred, when you just don't know the next steps to take.
Lean into the grace. Trust in Him; He know's what He's doing.

We can trust our God, He knows what He's doing
Though it might hurt now, we won't be ruined
He is with us, He is with us
always, always

We believe there is purpose,
 there is meaning in everything

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