Today is Day #14 of Radiation.
He is half way through Chemo.
The side effects have been minimal. . .up until now.
This week they have begun to wield their wrath.
It began with a metallic taste and now has moved to no taste or having a foul taste.
This is a man who rarely, if at all, complains.
Ok, rarely, if at all speaks.
But he rarely complains.
He pushes on no matter what.
in work, faith, commitment.
There is a danger in this.
Success of treatments needs a healthy body.
He needs to eat and drink.
Today I will begin trying some alternative recipes.
Shakes from McDonald's.
He's so lucky to have me.
Really, I will make those shakes and pray over every ingredient.
I long for mornings when I woke joyful and ready for the day.
I long for the day when Christ will return and my heart will no longer be broken.
But that is not the course for us right now.
Right now includes our changed family.
I pause each night by Elijah's door.
I say his name because I want to hear it.
I say good night because how do you stop caring for your child?
I plead before the throne of grace each day for strength.
Today we will face whatever comes our way.
I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.
He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.
The sun shone for a bit yesterday.
I pulled back the curtain that covers our Terrace doors to keep the warmth in.
But it also keeps much light out.
Yesterday we let it in.
I hope you let the love of Christ in.
Pull back whatever keeps you from seeing.
Lay down what ever is heavy and too much to carry.
He longs to take it for you.
He does it for me everyday.
Because everything I know has changed.
Everything I knew, is gone.
My life is not my own.
He holds me each step I take.
Each step; when I am angry and don't understand how a loving God can allow me to hurt so badly.
When I hurt, and I can hardly breathe.
And when I am so scared about what the future holds.
He holds me.