Step into His Grace

I am a mama who lost her mama. 

Nine years of cancer. 

The final stages. 

Brutal.

You say death with dignity?

Yes. 

My mama endured pain; with grace. 

She clung to her Jesus. 

Knowing He knew her name.

Knowing He would call her name when time. 

We; her children; grew strong. 

We cared for this mama of ours. 

We guided our dad as the memory thief silently crept in. 

We watched our mama as her systems shut down. 

We watched her stand in the Powerful name of Jesus, with arms lifted high at her grandchild's baptism. 

We cried out to God to call her home. 

We wept. 

For all that has been and never will be again. 

I am a mama who lost her son 7 months later. 

The irony. 

I begged for my mama to be called home. 

My beloved red head was called 
in the wee hours of a Sunday morning; 

while I slept. 

No warning. 

A life being lived. 

A future just beginning. 

My mamas heart hurts. 

It aches actually. 

Burns deep. 

The breathing. 

Each moment choosing. 

Turning from the darkness that seeks to consume. 

An abyss that calls. 

The enemy desires discouragement and fear. 

At every turn he longs for us to cave to the pressure. 

The light though. 

It shines. 

In the darkness. 

Just a small glimmer illuminates an immense area. 

As that glimmer grows the work of God ensues. 

The pain remains, yet held by the Almighty. 

A buffer. 

The price paid on Calvary carrying us through. 

The ways of the world harsh at times. 

Though for a purpose. 

One which we can not see.

Always moving forward. 

In hope. 

Clinging. 

Always hope. 

The way can get heavy. 

The path becomes dim. 

Hold on dear ones. 

Reach for the Light. 

Illuminate that darkness with the hope sent for all. 

Banish the fear. 

He came to overcome. 

He longs for time with us. 

He beckons. 

I rest. 

This weary journey gets me down. 

So I turn. 

To find rest. 

To remember the battle is not mine. 

He will overcome. 

One day soon. 

He will come again. 

His promises. 

Truth. 

His law.
Love. 

Our response. 

Obedience. 

In my weakness He is strong. 

In my surrender he reigns. 

Joy finds me; 

comforts me. 

Those inner places of longing and ache are held by the One who sees. 

Take courage my friends. 

We are held by a mighty God. 

Nothing has escaped his sight. 

He has not forgotten. 

He is there. 

Waiting. 

Longing. 

For you. 

For me. 

Step into his Grace. 

Hebrews 4:16

Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Living Life

A busy day. 

Nothing new; 

except the feeling. 

All day. 

Something. 

Not right. 

The Cast Party. 

Families. 

Dancers. 

Food. 

Decorating. 

Arabian Nights. 

Alladin. 

So much to do. 

Purposefully stepping one foot in front of the other. 

Work. 

Grief. 

Talk truth. 

Verse after verse. 

To my weary heart. 

Jeremiah 31:3

The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.

It just seemed so hard today. 

Pictures I hadn't ever seen. 

Quiet moments driving. 

Remembering. 

Finding it hard to believe he's really gone. 

That red hair. 

The silly, lopsided grin. 

I reach for words of truth. 

Isaiah 41:13

For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

Until I remembered.

 33 months. 

I stop in my tracks. 

Life is marching forward. 

I hadn't even remembered the date. 

I hadn't understood why the day was unsettled. 

The farm house is quieting down. 

Just the farm boy is stirring. 

The day is coming to a close. 

I have much to be thankful for. 

The evening spent with some of this area's finest young people and their families. 

Young people that have drawn along side of us and never let us go. 

I can't think of a better way to have spent this day. 

Preparing. 

Decorating. 

Creating. 

My farmer helping too. 

Now the day is done. 

It's time to rest. 

Continuing to step into truth. 

Remembering I am held. 

Good Night my Lijy. 

I still miss you with every fiber of my being. 

I loved your grin. 

That sparkle in your eye. 

It's how you looked at me the night you left. 

So excited. 

I will spend the rest of my days learning how to live without you. 

Stepping into the plan God has. 

Yielding to His ways. 

Trusting in the plan. 

Gaining strength that only He can provide. 

Keep my feet on solid ground. 

Stepping into the Hope Promised, When All I Really Want to do is Throw a Tantrum

"May we cherish a grateful and cheerful disposition, not murmuring and repining if our wishes are not indulged, or because some sorrows are blended with our enjoyments,  But, sensible of our desert, and impressed with the number and greatness of thy benefits, may we bless and praise thee at all times."

My friend sends me this quote. 

I am so grateful for her. 

A book of Puritan prayers. 

The apostle Paul says it this way,

Phillipians 4:12

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

Being content in all circumstances. 

I am a great offender of this concept.

Highly verbal in nature, I spew. 

Really. 

Venomous at times. 

A way to work through thoughts and concepts. 

Reactive. 

Almost like a tantrum; at my age. 

Guilty. 

 "May we cherish a grateful and cheerful disposition, not murmuring and repining  if our wishes are not indulged. . ."

This act is work for me. 

My default to "repine if my wishes are not indulged."

The sinful heart.

Strong in nature. 

When we step out of ourselves; contrary to what the world teaches; 

 we are able to aspire to attain this trait. 

As land is cultivated to produce a crop. 

So is our heart in desperate need of cultivation. 

As the walk without my son continues. 

My journey presses on with much work to do. 

Soul work is hard. 

Living in truth; imperative. 

Each day a gift. 

My friends, yield to the Father. 

To the One who created you. 

Walk a journey of gratitude. 

Giving praise for the rough spots. 

Giving praise for the good. 

God will take that soul and mold it into something beautiful. 

One more sleep until the college girl heads back. 

My soul feels edgy and tight. 

The tension of excitement for her and missing; battling in my spirit. 

I kick my default of grumbling out. 

I rest in praise. 

The hope for this college girl. 

The way in which she will help to shape this world. 

Her future is held in the hands of the One who called her by Name. 

He is working His purpose and will in her life. 

It will be better than anything I could think or imagine,

because it is His doing. 

Isaiah 43:19

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; 

do you not perceive it? 

I am making a way in the wilderness 

and streams in the wasteland.

I surrender the emotion and sadness. 

I step into the hope promised. 

I work at  "cherishing a grateful and cheerful disposition"

Encouragement on This Holiest of Nights

On the Holiest night of the year, I was given a gift. 

The child within moved. 

In the hospital room at 11:48 on Christmas Eve 2002,

 a child was brought forth.

Christiana Shirley Davis. 

A little over a year after her namesake met Jesus. 

A Grammie she would never know. 

Yet, as she grew she would tell us she knew her. 

And I wonder if deep down her soul did know her?

That before the Lord of the Universe sent her to us, Grammie Shirley didn't reach down and kiss that sweet angelic face and

 whisper words of encouragement. 

Because isn't that the way? 

This holiest of nights was the encouragement of a Nation. 

 The promised Messiah was here. 

The hope of all Nations wrapped in swaddling cloth. 

Not the military figure. 

Destined to bear the weight of the sin that would free us all. 

An encouragement for a hurting world. 

He came with a promise. 

He came with hope. 

On that holiest of nights. 

This child born amidst the splendor and sparkle of Christmas is a gift. 

They wrapped her in a large stocking and brought her to me. 

And in the wee hours of that morning my heart rejoiced over life. 

That sweet girl turns 13 today. 

Her smile contagious.

Her beauty deep. 

She searches and reaches to live a life of surrender. 

She's silly and goofy. 

Fun, loving and beautiful. 

So very talented. 

An eye for beauty

So many challenges in this life. 

 A brother, she adored, in heaven. 

A world cruel with violence and refugees. 

Needs abundant. 

Her heart soft wanting to help. 

Yet, trying to fit in with a culture sharp and harsh. 

Making eternal choices. 

Her journey continues as she embraces her teens. 

I am looking forward to the next to last of the Davis' entering their teens. 

My prayer for this beautiful daughter is that she would grow to love Jesus with all her heart. 

That a deep love of His people will bubble inside her. 

I pray that her gifts and talents will be used for His glory and His purposes. 

So, on this Christmas Eve morning, I sit in the quiet of this century old parlor. 

My heart is at peace. 

My soul yearning for the time when all will be set straight. 

May you all have a glorious Christmas. 

Be encouraged. 

Happy Birthday my dear Christiana Shirley. 

If you have some time I pray that you can watch this video. 

Isaiah 9:6

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

There is Good News my friends. 

Advent Lament and a Brave Merry Christmas

Finding the Rock in the Swirling, Chaos Day #23 of Thankfulness

 My life flows on in endless song;
above earth’s lamentation,
I catch the sweet, though far-off hymn
that hails a new creation.

It is Thanksgiving Sunday. 

The choir sings a long loved Hymn. 

Through all the tumult and the strife,
I hear that music ringing.
It finds an echo in my soul.
How can I keep from singing?

The words piercing. 

Encouraging. 

What though my joys and comforts die?
I know my Savior liveth.
What though the darkness gather round?
Songs in the night he giveth. 

A melody I have  hummed repeatedly over the years. 

No storm can shake my inmost calm
while to that Rock I’m clinging.
Since Christ is Lord of heaven and earth,
how can I keep from singing?

The words play through my mind. 

Strength and power held in their prose. 

This latest challenge has shaken me. 

And I have almost stopped the singing. 

My inmost calm a raging tempest. 

While the choir sings I closed my eyes. 

"No storm can shake my inmost calm, 

While to that rock I'm clinging."

Though the waters rage around me. 

I have found the calm. 

Not from within. 

But from above. 

I am a churning, whirling mess. 

A cyclone of emotions. 

Through it all the melody plays. . .

The words a resounding message. 

Through all the tumult and the strife,
I hear that music ringing.
It finds an echo in my soul.
How can I keep from singing?

While the heaviness threatens to pull me under. 

I choose to sing today. 

I choose to cling. 

30 Days of Thankfulness~

I am thankful for:
the hard times that teach me to cling
a son that is digging deep these days
a time to break bread with our church family 
and gather to sing the Ancient Hymns
grace and new mercies each day
friends who listen and love
a family that grieves and works together
wind chimes - that though I am not near the ocean - they remind me
sleep- I still love to go to bed
the warmth of the fire and hot coffee in the quiet
Emergency Vet clinics and the miracle they performed
the hope we have- even though we do not know the future, God does

Psalm 59:16

But I will sing of your strength, 

in the morning I will sing of your love; 

for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble.

As this world swirls and chaos finds you. 

May you cling to that Rock. 

And may there be a lovely song. 

The "Folgers in your cup" Moment, Gone Terribly Wrong Day #22 of Thankfulness

I envisioned a "Folgers in your cup",  kind of welcome home. 

The college girl is home. 

The kind of nice, clean house, bread baking; welcome home. 

A Saturday full of fun activities. 

I tried. 

I planned. 

Yet what we got was not what we had planned. 

Is it ever? 

Do we really have things go the way we wanted? 

I watched as my son wailed as he brought his injured puppy home. 

Something inside me snapped. 

When you see your children experience

 raw grief it does something to you. 

I have watched as they watched their 

Nana painfully slip into God's hands.

Then I watched them as our

3 year old ball of fluff died in my arms. 

Two weeks later I watched as I had to share that their beloved brother now resided with the King of Kings. 

And 2 months later that their dad was entering a fight for his life with the demon of cancer. 

 I watch as I share how our finances are a wee bit tight right now with the Organic switch over. 

And then I watch in horror as my farm boy's beloved 9 month old puppy companion, best friend is injured. 

I find myself not making rational decisions. 

I agree to something far beyond my ability or station in life. 

And the "Folgers in your cup" moment is gone. 

The real hard hitting, leave your gut aching part of reality is here. 

The littlest farm girl and I head to our knees. 

My farmer, college girl and farm boy

 have all headed to the Emergency Vet. 

The heart wrenching sobs of the littlest send me to the brink of grief. 

I watch her wracking body. 

I have only one thing to offer to this family. 

Hope. 

Hope in the One who allowed, even this,

 to pass through his fingers before it came to us. 

Trust in the God who is good; whether Loki lives or Loki dies. 

You see, the "Folgers in your cup", moments can happen. 

And when they do they are precious. 

We need to be ready for them. 

They will come. 

They just may not be when you expect them. 

They come as your spirit aches and you ask the littlest to pray. 

And her words and prayer make you realize she's not so little anymore. 

And all the teaching you have done through heartache and tragedy have been woven into the fabric of her being. 

That when the college girl is faced with an emergency

 her voice becomes soft and calm. 

And she is able to help that farm boy do what he needs to do. 

You realize the hope and trust you have spent a life time teaching has been ingrained in the hearts of your wee ones. 

We don't know how God will continue this story. 

The outcome; unknown to us. 

We do know that He will be with us through it all. 

No matter what. 

That He and He alone is that, "Folgers in your cup," moment. 

Isaiah 42:10

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.