Stepping into the Hope Promised, When All I Really Want to do is Throw a Tantrum

"May we cherish a grateful and cheerful disposition, not murmuring and repining if our wishes are not indulged, or because some sorrows are blended with our enjoyments,  But, sensible of our desert, and impressed with the number and greatness of thy benefits, may we bless and praise thee at all times."

My friend sends me this quote. 

I am so grateful for her. 

A book of Puritan prayers. 

The apostle Paul says it this way,

Phillipians 4:12

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

Being content in all circumstances. 

I am a great offender of this concept.

Highly verbal in nature, I spew. 

Really. 

Venomous at times. 

A way to work through thoughts and concepts. 

Reactive. 

Almost like a tantrum; at my age. 

Guilty. 

 "May we cherish a grateful and cheerful disposition, not murmuring and repining  if our wishes are not indulged. . ."

This act is work for me. 

My default to "repine if my wishes are not indulged."

The sinful heart.

Strong in nature. 

When we step out of ourselves; contrary to what the world teaches; 

 we are able to aspire to attain this trait. 

As land is cultivated to produce a crop. 

So is our heart in desperate need of cultivation. 

As the walk without my son continues. 

My journey presses on with much work to do. 

Soul work is hard. 

Living in truth; imperative. 

Each day a gift. 

My friends, yield to the Father. 

To the One who created you. 

Walk a journey of gratitude. 

Giving praise for the rough spots. 

Giving praise for the good. 

God will take that soul and mold it into something beautiful. 

One more sleep until the college girl heads back. 

My soul feels edgy and tight. 

The tension of excitement for her and missing; battling in my spirit. 

I kick my default of grumbling out. 

I rest in praise. 

The hope for this college girl. 

The way in which she will help to shape this world. 

Her future is held in the hands of the One who called her by Name. 

He is working His purpose and will in her life. 

It will be better than anything I could think or imagine,

because it is His doing. 

Isaiah 43:19

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; 

do you not perceive it? 

I am making a way in the wilderness 

and streams in the wasteland.

I surrender the emotion and sadness. 

I step into the hope promised. 

I work at  "cherishing a grateful and cheerful disposition"

Monday Musings

He talks about a heart change. 

About the bubbling that can spew from our mouths; a condition of our hearts. 

Another speaks of having every thought held captive. 

And my heart sours. 

These young people. 

So many. 

Once the youth in bible study and youth group. 

Now parents of small children. 

And I am taken back to the time when they were younger. 

How I loved their digging deep; their probing questions. 

And now here. 

When they are grown. 

Digging deep together. 

This is a gift. 

I usually teach. 

Not a student. 

I haven't attended a Sunday School class in 15 years. 

Teaching; my gift. 

My desire. 

My passion. 

But a son snatched from this earth and the 
diagnosis of cancer stifled any thoughts of teaching. 

Sundays painful. 

Barely wanting to attend church. 

The questions. 

The music. 

The whole families. 

Mine broken. 

Missing. 

Hurting. 

Death knocking, knocking. 

Now, a year later. 

Cancer prayerfully on the other side of the wall. 

A different way of living without the oldest farm boy. 

Sunday School seems to be an option and after the holidays we take the plunge. 

We face the crowd.

The stares. 

Only to find. 

Warmth. 

Digging deep. 

Hope. 

Intense study of God's word. 

Hebrews 4:12
For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

The gift of all these young people.

These young people who have returned to the church of their youth. 

To unwrap scripture. 

I gaze around the room. 

Multigenerational. 

I breathe deep.

Mark 8:18
Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears but fail to hear? 
And don't you remember?

We have to keep our eyes open to see the beauty. 
To capture the gifts. 

They are there. 

Each day. 

Each moment. 

Have you seen one today? 

Digging Deep; Just Not In Soil

The sun peaks through the clouds.

It is still a little cool.

We women gather on the farmhouse lawn. 

Steam rises from mugs of hot coffee and tea. 

We dig deep into the Word. 

Wrestling with how to live as Christ.
Verse by verse we unpack the wisdom. 

There is openness and sharing. 

Women in community. 

I gaze around the group. 

One I mentored. Now married with a young child. 

Another visiting from out of state.

Friends I know well. 

Some, the friendship, just unfolding. 

Women. Seeking to live differently. 

A desire.  

Intentionally gathering. 

We pray. 

We desire a heart like Christ. 

And it's only in the pouring out and emptying that we can be filled. 

Colossians 2:6

Therefore as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him,  having been firmly rooted and now being built up in Him and established in your faith, just as you were instructed, and overflowing with gratitude.

Over flow your life with gratitude. 

Let go of the bitterness and griping. 

Release the ties that bind. 

Rest in the grace so freely given. 

We're new creations. 

The old is gone. 

The new is come.