Step into His Grace

I am a mama who lost her mama. 

Nine years of cancer. 

The final stages. 

Brutal.

You say death with dignity?

Yes. 

My mama endured pain; with grace. 

She clung to her Jesus. 

Knowing He knew her name.

Knowing He would call her name when time. 

We; her children; grew strong. 

We cared for this mama of ours. 

We guided our dad as the memory thief silently crept in. 

We watched our mama as her systems shut down. 

We watched her stand in the Powerful name of Jesus, with arms lifted high at her grandchild's baptism. 

We cried out to God to call her home. 

We wept. 

For all that has been and never will be again. 

I am a mama who lost her son 7 months later. 

The irony. 

I begged for my mama to be called home. 

My beloved red head was called 
in the wee hours of a Sunday morning; 

while I slept. 

No warning. 

A life being lived. 

A future just beginning. 

My mamas heart hurts. 

It aches actually. 

Burns deep. 

The breathing. 

Each moment choosing. 

Turning from the darkness that seeks to consume. 

An abyss that calls. 

The enemy desires discouragement and fear. 

At every turn he longs for us to cave to the pressure. 

The light though. 

It shines. 

In the darkness. 

Just a small glimmer illuminates an immense area. 

As that glimmer grows the work of God ensues. 

The pain remains, yet held by the Almighty. 

A buffer. 

The price paid on Calvary carrying us through. 

The ways of the world harsh at times. 

Though for a purpose. 

One which we can not see.

Always moving forward. 

In hope. 

Clinging. 

Always hope. 

The way can get heavy. 

The path becomes dim. 

Hold on dear ones. 

Reach for the Light. 

Illuminate that darkness with the hope sent for all. 

Banish the fear. 

He came to overcome. 

He longs for time with us. 

He beckons. 

I rest. 

This weary journey gets me down. 

So I turn. 

To find rest. 

To remember the battle is not mine. 

He will overcome. 

One day soon. 

He will come again. 

His promises. 

Truth. 

His law.
Love. 

Our response. 

Obedience. 

In my weakness He is strong. 

In my surrender he reigns. 

Joy finds me; 

comforts me. 

Those inner places of longing and ache are held by the One who sees. 

Take courage my friends. 

We are held by a mighty God. 

Nothing has escaped his sight. 

He has not forgotten. 

He is there. 

Waiting. 

Longing. 

For you. 

For me. 

Step into his Grace. 

Hebrews 4:16

Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Rays of Sunshine

The sun streams through the one window not covered by blankets. 

My farmer is finishing up chores. 

The farm boy has come in to play guitar and unwind before he heads to school.

How that boy is changing. 

He is shaking off the ways of this world;

letting of of the anger and hurt. 

Reaching for the holy and true. 

Slowly the sharp edges are becoming smooth. 

A bit of grace on the farm. 

The milk checks grow thinner. 

The transition date seems miles away. 

The cold settles in. 

Much to lead to the path of discouragement. 

It's test day. 

And I don't know what to feel. 

I don't know how to pray. 

So I step to gratitude. 

Because when all else falls around you, there is still praise. 

There is still a world of hope. 

The sun shining through the window as the wind whips and howls reminds me of the power of light in the darkness. 

Only a small light is needed to pierce the empty, cold space. 

May you see streams of light in your day today. 

Illuminating the dark places. 

Bringing sweet peace and strength. 

The verse today from the Incourage Twitter:

"Prayer is the portal that brings the power of heaven down to earth"

(Fervent, pg 5)

Despair is but a Step Away Day #19 of Thankfulness

Two years ago; this was our walk. 
We are still clinging to that same hope two years later. 
Rejoicing in cancer being at bay. 
Learning to live with our precious red head residing with the King of Kings. 
Remembering God is good. . . all the time. 
Though despair, at times is only a step away. 
God offers hope that is so much greater. 
-------------------------------------------------------------
November 19, 2013
To Despair is to Turn Your Back on God Day #19 of Thankfulness

To despair is to turn your back on God.

                                   -Marilla Cuthbert Anne of Green Gables

If I despair. Not only do I turn my back on God but I take away the hope that he has promised. 

Will I only take the good in this life and not the bad? 

Though it seems like the bad has tipped the scales.

But has it? 

Who am I to decide what is enough?

John 16:33
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. 
In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

God himself is no stranger to the death of a son. 

He himself bore the pain of the sins of this world.

For me.

For you. 

And with every breath I have left I will praise Him.

Though You Slay Me

(With John Piper) 

Take a moment if you will. . .to listen to this to the end. 
John Piper finishes the video with powerful words for all of us. 

 The Lymph nodes they took, are cancerous.

Another bout of bad news in the litany before us.

Another battle to face. 

A battle we enter tired and worn.

And though you slay, yet I will praise you

Though you take from me I bless your name.

Though you ruin me.. .still I will worship. 

Because. It's not about me. 

Galatians 2:20

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, 

but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, 

I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Day #19 of Thankfulness

I am thankful for:

Cousins who stop in to visit just at the right time

Another cousin that had planned to visit so we don't have to be alone-

even before we knew the results

And yet another cousin-across the miles that breathes the Word into my soul

A faithful God forever

Nothing to fear He has it all covered

Even in death. . .there is life

Hope

Sisters in laws that will never let me go

My farmer 

 another journey where God can manifest his grace in so many ways

My mom who said, "My cancer has become a blessing"

My children who face adversity with such resolve and grace 

This community, while even in the waiting, reminds us of how close they are

God's word, it is never failing

We will walk step by step in his grace

Praising God for His presence in our life

Psalm 107:1

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.

Pausing for just a Moment Day #15 of Thankfulness

~ 30 Days of Thankfulness~

I am thankful for:

a seed planted long ago and we may have the honor of watching it grow

needs met in unexpected ways

girl sleep overs with a beautiful, godly young woman

spending time with and laughing with a friend

prayer

transportation that includes heat

our home 

people who will come and help figure out what is wrong with our heat

that which is to come

a sister in law who is hanging on to gratitude each moment

the hope in each new day

brothers that call and check on me even when they are bearing bad news

May your Sabbath day be set apart from the other days. 

In it may there be rest. 

Deep gratitude. 

Honest confession. 

Restoration for our weary souls. 

Will you pause for just a moment?

Lamentations 3:23

They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.

Happy Birthday From Your Little Girl

He holds my hand. 

The hand that is still strong. 

Yet works no more. 

I look at him. 

This man that gave me life. 

This man that has been my confidant, advocate, role model and father. 

I gaze into his eyes. 

He's still so handsome. 

He smiles and kisses me. 

He's happy. 

Content. 

He knows no pain or ache. 

I say, "Let's walk for a bit."

He shuffles. 

Reminders for him to pick up his feet. 

I bristle. 

This once fiercely independent, stubborn man. . . shuffles. 

I choke back the sobs that threaten to erupt. 

Oh this life on earth can weigh you down. 

Heap upon heap of sorrow. 

Rough spots seeming to last far longer than the soul can handle. 

We turn the corner. 

He says hi to a person walking by. 

Gone is the anger and frustration he once exhibited. 

I pray as we walk. 

For the nurses and doctors. 

For the caregivers and food staff. 

A thankless job. 

Pouring life into folks who may or may not say thank you. 

Who might take a swing at you. 

I think on this as we stroll. 

Soon, the walking slows. 

He's tired. 

He clearly is ready to go back to his chair. 

I hug him. 

The 2 littlest farm girls hug him. 

The littlest holds his hand and helps him into his chair. 

She is soft and gentle. 

She connects with him well. 

I turn to leave. 

Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow,
That I shall say good night till it be morrow. -Shakespeare

I leave him and head to the elevator. 

I have a party to attend and business at my parents house. 

There is no time for sorrow or self pity. 

I stand up taller. 

I thank God for all the years I have had with my dad. 

I thank God that he suffers not. 

He is in good hands. 

He is content. 

Phillipians 4:12

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

I will not let the weight drag me down. 

This too has passed through the hand of the One who called us into being. 

These steps are for a mightier purpose. 

I pick my feet up higher as I walk. 

I am conscious of my posture. 

We are all children of the King. 

The One who loves and adores us. 

The One who made it possible for us to stand before Him for all of eternity. 

Won't you lay down those burdens. 

Shed that weight. 

Happy Birthday Dad. 

You are forever my hero. 

Mom loved this song. 

She traded her sorrow. 

She lived while she was dying. 

I hope you can trade your sorrow. 

Trade your shame. 

Stand on the unshakable ground. 

I'm Trading My Sorrow

Just Because. . .

Just because;

The sun has been shining for a few days. 

And it's warm.

Just because. . . 

I am still in awe of the beauty of this place. 

And it still takes my breath away. 

Just because. . . . 

I can. . . 

Post tons of pictures. 

Because I love pictures. 

(though my beautiful niece took this one)

Just because. . . 

These pictures remind me of God's faithfulness. 

And that sometimes. . .

I just need to Praise God. . . 

In everything. . . 

Even when it is hard. 

Even when the hurt is deep. 

 Just because. . . 

Come, Sit At My Table

Come to my table and sit for a spell. 

Where generations have gathered. 

Stories and woes poured out.

Hot steaming cups of warmth in hand, as time passes.

Nourishment given. 



Come to the table where we share who we are.
Where we break bread and study the word.
Come, sit with me.
I long to hear the stories. 
 I long to walk a spell. 
Held captive by the road with which you have walked. 
Come to my table and sit for spell. 



Take a load of your feet. 
Lay down your burden, release your shame. 
You will never be the same. 

Matthew 11:29-30
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

There is plenty of room. 
Pull up a chair, slide over on the bench. 
Find nourishment and hope. 
As we gather at the farm house table. 
The door, always open. 



There is always time. 



Come, sit at my table and sit for a spell. 
Find rest for your soul, seek peace untold. 

Ephesians 2:8
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--
and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--


Breathe in the richness of deep, quiet joy. 
While you come to my table and sit for a spell. 
You may come as a stranger but leave as a friend; 
changed from the moment you walk through that door. 

Galations 3:26
So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith,