Saturday, October 5, 2013

Where Do You Put Your Trust?

The day is dreary. 
Not like the others this past week. 
It is hard to get motivated to do anything.
My mind wanders and sadness fills my heart. 
I can't escape the longing that tears me apart. 

I am running out of recent pictures of my boy to post.
This pierces my heart. 
The finality of all this.
I still can't believe he is gone. 

I can't stay in these emotions. 
They are temporal and shifty. 
My hope is in the LORD;
and that is where I will put my trust. 
That is where my focus will stay. 
I will not give way to whimsical emotions. 
Isaiah 40:31
 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; 
they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; 
and they shall walk, and not faint.

I will stand firm on the rock.
I will trust
. . .
The day has been filled with trips to town to get supplies for the farm; and small repairs. 
The bearing is gone on a wheel for the bale wagon.
Minor delays, but delays  none the less.

There is more hay down.
These are long days for the guys. 
But each long day is filled with the promise of a few more bales of hay.
A fight for survival.
And we trust in the One who owns the cattle on a 1,000 hills.
And I wonder. . .
Is this fight for survival part of God's plan to help us stay focused during this time of grieving?
He has it all covered. There is nothing out of hands.

And so as I continue to be thankful

Thankful for:
A beautiful Fall
Daughters who dance
A daughter heavy with child
A husband who is my friend and lover
Mums on the back porch
Mums on the front porch
Little girls all showered and ready for bed
popcorn and movies
Friends who sit in the quiet
A cousin-sister across the miles
Medical Care
A son who can fix just about anything, sing like no one I've ever known and misses his brother like there is no tomorrow
A son who left the house and kissed me goodbye. . .one last time

And for these I am grateful.

I am trying to be still and know that He is God.
And I know that He will never change.
And here I put my trust.

Psalm 46:10
Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.

1 comment:

  1. There is nothing out of His hands. Oh, yes! Reminded of a quote--"There is no maverick molecule if God is sovereign." May you rest in His sovereign grace today and may the Lord prepare your heart for this evening.