Wednesday, October 2, 2013


The Sun streams through the parlor window.
It casts a brilliant beam.
Christiana calls to me to come and see.
It is beautiful.
Something so captivating about streams of light.
(It could possibly be my ADD)

What if we could climb that beam right up to heaven, I ask her.
Right up to see Elijah.

What would be the first thing I would do if I could see him again?
I think I would just fall to my knees, too over come.
Oh, to touch him, hear his voice, see those blue eyes.

And I wonder. . .

Am I that zealous to see God?
Do I look at every sunbeam and think about climbing right up to heaven to see Jesus?
I know I want to be with him. . .
and I yearn to spend time with him in prayer and in the Word.
There is sweet comfort there.
But desiring heaven like that;
I can't say I have.
And isn't that what we should be doing?
I think about these things. . .
I actually think in that moment I wanted to see Elijah,
 more than I wanted to see Jesus.
My heart yearns to see my boy.
I gave birth to him.
I held him.
My thoughts drift constantly to memories of him or things that will never be.

Our lives should reflect the desire we have to be with the LORD. 

It is through prayer and reading God's word that our relationship grows.

Prayer changes us.
It doesn't change the outcome of events.
We draw closer to God. 
What are you doing to draw closer to God? 

I am trying to stay close.
And through the prayers of those around us, we feel support.
And the instances of people responding to the Holy Spirit to come over
 or send a note,
is a reminder that God hasn't moved. . .
He is here.

Today was a day filled with touches of grace.
They do not change any of the magnitude of what has happened. . .
yet they offer tangible comfort.

We hosted the Youth Bible Study for the first time in 2 years.
It was bittersweet.
So much has changed since we last hosted.
Yet even in that God sent some friends over
and there wasn't time to dwell on what has been.
Instead it was a sweet time of fellowship.

As we continue this journey here on earth;
waiting for biopsy results,
struggling with feed issues for the winter,
 trying to make decisions about equipment and other things,
when life feels overwhelming.
We will continue to look up.
We will continue to seek hope.

Isaiah 40:31
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. 
They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, 
they will walk and not be faint.

Strength, will rise as we wait upon the LORD. ..


  1. Dear Tammy,
    Your words draw me into prayer more and more. My 14 year old asks about death and we are able to open the Bible and find the right words. Your faith bolsters mine. Thank you, Brenda Boutin

  2. I just posted some words about prayer too, such a mysterious an indescribable subject, I am most intimidated to write about this personal aspect of my life but words just pour themselves out...

    I hope you keep writing and I hope that as it blesses others it comes back around and blesses you!

  3. Again, another verse and of my personal favorites Isaiah 40:31 I can still see Pastor Vince Circello (eyes closed but looking toward heaven) as I read the words to the verse and I can hear song being sung as I sing along!! Powerful words

    1. Such a beautiful picture. . .and hope to cling to. . .

  4. Hi
    Cheryl from 'We are nine' sent me over. I remember the longing to see my daughter Eva as so physical. I had never yearned for heaven in that visceral way until my child was there. It is one of Eva's gifts. That yearning for heaven. I am so sorry for the loss of your gorgeous son. It is horrible and heartwrenching to lose a child. I rejoice with you that you know where he is and that you will see him again one day.
    Sending hope, Em

    1. There is such a longing. Heaven becomes sweeter and sweeter, We can not understand God's way's, but only trust in his unfailing love and mercy. Thank you.