Trusting, Even In The Suffering

I remember the first time I heard this song. I remember reading Mary Beth's book. I read it in the sunshine on a cruise with my mom and dad.

My mom was living with all she had while cancer stole pieces of her, bit by bit.
I remember crying and hurting for the Chapman's.
Wondering how a God could let the unimaginable happen.
Where was his protection on this sweet family.
I remember praying for them and their sweet kids.
 And that God would use them for His Glory.
And I watched as the Chapman family grieved.
I saw the beauty rise that can only come from the Grace of God. 

And when mom died on Decemeber 5, 2012. 

I clung to this song and many others.

And on the morning of July 28, 2013, when my heart stopped beating for a moment, I began to understand the pain and searing loss of a child. 

And as that pain intensifies with time, I cling and run to all I have known. 

The missing is agonizing.

It's the just beyond reach. 

How could he have been here so healthy and happy. So much future. . .
and just gone.

When we surrender our will and our desires to serve the LORD we enter into a relationship that is bound by His grace alone.
In Him we trust; regardless of a life without suffering or a life filled
with the trials of this world.
 I can't see very far into the future.
It is hard to make plans.
Seeing a future without your child, causes everything in you to recoil.
Every step is deliberate.
Each one in  grace by strength from above.

There was a frost in many areas last night. After a summer that has been less than desirable for farming this does not help matters.
Yet we again cling to what we know.
And we praise God for the beautiful sunshine yesterday.
For visits on the patio, trips to see farm equipment needed, small group,
prayer and cards in the mail.
A wise friend said yesterday that even when we can't stand. . .God's everlasting arms are under us. . . .carrying us.
Our hope is in you LORD.

Roman's 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose.

It is well with my soul.
It hurts and longs for Elijah.
  But my soul is well.