Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Time Stood Still

For you time has stood still.
The rhythm of the day no more. 
The silence over powering,
I yearn to hear something from you
How can this be?
When will I wake?
How my heart and soul cry for you.
The ache so deep some days. 
Normal threatens to seep in.
Piercing pain rips through my heart.
It longs for what can not be.
I utter words to the Father.
Only He can heal this hurt.
It is the beat of His time that will bring peace.

Gary and Dobie mowed down acres of grass.
Time is of the essence.
We are desperately short for feed this winter.
It permeates all we do.
Feed is survival.
No feed means despair.
And so the race against time has begun.

There were rumors of snow on the mountain yesterday afternoon.
Our internet intermittent through much of the day.
It was a sweet gift.
Cedric played the guitar.
He has taught himself.
It is a beautiful sound.
Only  the beat of the drum would enhance the music. . .now silenced in this place.
I read to the girls while they sewed and crocheted.
A nice respite from the connections of the world.
I wish time could have stood still.

As this race for feed continues.
We will continue to trust in the One who provides.

Matthew 10:29
Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? 
Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father's care.

I don't know why this has been such a hard year.
I long to know why I have lost so much in 8 months.
I do know that God has walked right beside us in each loss.

Psalm 23:4
Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, 
I will fear no evil: for thou art with me, thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.

I felt sad most of yesterday and I went to call my mom, twice.
I longed to hear her voice reassure me that all will be well.
But she like Lijy resides with the King of Kings.

God knows our needs and our aches.
A friend came over with soup for lunch and stayed and broke bread with us.
Another friend came later with cookies. She had just been thinking about us.
And another friend said, "Let's walk." And we did.
And as I gazed at the majesty of God's creation displayed through vivid colors,
I felt peace.

John 14:27
Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

I can not change the course of the events over the past 8 months of my life. 
I wish I could. 
My dad's sister went to be with  the LORD, 
my parents dog became ill and did not survive the night,
 the husband of my parents dear friends and close family friend suddenly went home to be with the LORD and my mom was called home. . .
all in 3 week's time. 
We experienced a severe drought and then devastating flooding throughout most of the summer, 
putting the farm into one of the most dire feed situations we have experienced. 
On July 6, our dear puppy Pemberly was struck by a car and did not survive. 
And then on July 28th,  unexpected visitors  came to tell us God had called our oldest son to be with him.
And for a moment time stood still.

2 Corinthians 4:8
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed,
 but not in despair;  persecuted, but not abandoned;
 struck down, but not destroyed.

God is in everyone of these moments. 
He has promised to never leave us nor forsake us.
And we have hope-
In a risen LORD.
And this day I will say,
 It is well with my soul,
 because my hope is in the Lord. 


  1. Still listening, still praying for peace.

  2. Thank you so much. We treasure the prayers. There is no way through this without the support of those around us. . .praying and lifting us up. . .

  3. Praying for you and your family...

    1. Thank you. The prayers help keep us going. We are keeping our focus turned heavenward as we continue seek the LORD in all this.

  4. I am still praying and thinking of you every single day!!

    1. Thank you Pauli. Trusting with all we have. We can feel the prayers. Keeping our focus on the LORD.