What you are Unprepared For

What do you do with the book you find;

given to Elijah from Nana on the event of Clarissa's birth?
For a moment your heart skips. . .and you are brought back to that day.
You can hear the sounds.
You can hear your moms voice.
You can see your sons excitement over a present.
He loved books.
Now they both call heaven their home.
Only 7 months apart.
And the ache is deep.
I am still mourning my mom. . .
And now I grieve the loss of our son. . .

Today was a tough day.
I miss my boy.
Yet it was beautiful out.
And I went for a walk.
 And I met a friend on her way home from work and she stopped. She understood.
 She gave me a hug and went on her way.
Sometimes all we need is a hug and a word of reassurance.
My journey needs to continue.
God left me here.
He didn't call me home.
My work is not done.

Ephesians 2:10
For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, 
which God prepared in advance for us to do.

I find myself drawn to Elijah's grave.

I don't know why.

He's not there. 

But it is quiet. 

And I read my bible.

I read in I Chronicles about David having the Levites bring the ark back. David inquired of the LORD how it was to be done.
 I am asking the LORD, how does this grieving happen?

How do we do this?

I Chronicles 16:10, says, 

" Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice. Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always. Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles and the judgments he pronounced. 

Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 - 4
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the sun: a time to be born and a tine to die. . .a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. 

I know I need to trust with all my heart. 

I need to be open to God's healing. And I need to remain in his word. 

I will continue to do these things.
"Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me,
( 3 beats Elijah played. . .and I long to hear)
let me be singing when the evening comes."

LORD, I want to be singing when the evening comes.
I want to see all your goodness.
And I long to serve you with  all I am.

Psalm 90:4
For a thousand years in your sight are like a day that has just gone by, 
or like a watch in the night.