Sunday, September 1, 2013

5 weeks

It's been 5 Sundays without you.
There is not a moment that passes that I do not think of you or long to see you again.

Yet time has continued on.
School has begun. 
Life seems to have resumed it's normal course.

Yet there is nothing that feels normal for me. 

There are moments when I literally fall to my knees and cry out to God.
I cling to these verses:
Proverbs 3:5 and 6
 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, lean NOT on your own understanding. . .

Isaiah 41:10
 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, 
for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you;
 I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Each morning and afternoon I pass by the accident scene. I've thought of taking a different route.
And I think why such a public place to mark your death? Such a frequented spot?
The entrance to the bank.
A reminder everyday.
Could it be a reminder everyday to be thankful?To love better?
 To remember what Christ did for us on the cross?

"How great the pain of searing loss". . .
My Father in heaven knows the pain of my loss.
 From this I gain strength. 
There is no way through this than to keep my focus heavenward. 
And today I cry out. . . the pain of this searing loss is weighing down. . .
"How deep the father's love for us. . .How vast beyond all measure."


  1. Peace, breath and know you are loved.

  2. Dear One,

    When my brother Dean was killed in a car accident one week before Christmas, I too asked "why at Christmas? It's the worst time of year to lose someone you love". Our Christmases will forver be marked with sadness". Then, one day as I sorted through my mail, I was stuck by the mix of Sympathy & Christmas cards all pouring in at the same time. Many did not know we had suffered a great loss. Their words were joyful, celebrant. At first I resented them, they seemed meaningless. But, it was at that moment I felt the sweet comfort of Abba's loving arms holding me. I realized if not for Christmas, there would be no comfort in my grief, no healing for my brokeness, no hope of heaven. From then on, each time we received a sympathy card, I tucked it in the middle of our Christmas Wishes. I build an altar. You, my precious sister, wait each day to hear, "this is what it means to be held". You anticipate the word, sound, scene, scent of God's comforting presence. He LOVES that about you. The longing of your heart is intoxicating to your Lord, a sweet fragrance of adoration that moves Him deeply. May you find new & unexpected comforts today, sweet gifts that bring a greater measure of peace & comfort to your heart ♥

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    2. I know what you mean about the contrast of sympathy and Christmas cards. My Mother in law went home to be with the LORD on Dec 18 2001 and My mom went home Dec 5, 2012. Such a contrast, yet all wrapped in the LORD. Thank you for your words. . .Keeping my eyes open for the unexpected. . .do not want to miss it. . .

    3. Emma and Michael finally went to the bank to pore over the memorial to your dear son. The cross is there too. So the place is a reminder both of your son and the Son of God, of the price paid to secure an eternal life in glory. Oh that we would be a thankful and worshipful people, longing for the day when death is forever swallowed up in victory.