I am restless.
The pain searing today.
The missing overpowering.
The unknown of cancer lingering.
Will the treatments work?
How much more will they affect my farmers body?
The future unknown and looming before me.
My soul longs for relief.
Relief from the constant pain, the constant longing for my son.
Longing for family time all together.
That which will never be.
Sometimes I think my heart will shatter into a million pieces.
Other times, I think it already has.
This is all too much to bear. The weight is heavy and His burden does not seem light.
The steps ordered for me seem a bitter path.
I am reminded to look deeper. To really see.
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.
I can not see what God is doing. He is doing the new thing. He and He alone will make the path straight. He gives light to that path. He illuminates the part we need to see.
Even in the darkness, he is doing a new thing.
He wants us to wait for him.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.
Waiting is hard. We have a need for immediate gratification.
Frustration is bred as we wait; in lines, in traffic, for our technology.
I confess, I am terrible at waiting. I am easily angered or annoyed by slow vehicles, by crowds or lines. My heart becomes hard and venom is known to spew from my lips.
Yet this waiting is given by the Lord.
He tells us to be strong and take heart.
These times of waiting are moments to find grace. Moments to pray for those around you. Moments to seek whom God will place in your path. To prepare you for the race of the day.
God is doing a new thing.
We need to be ready. We need to prepare to run the race he has planned. Our lives need to reflect the well worn path to the cross. The daily practice of taking up his cross, laying down our burdens, quietly being in his presence and spending time in his word.
Even when I can barely take a breath, he is working his will and his purpose for our good.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,
who have been called according to his purpose.
For He is good.
He will always be good. No matter how I am feeling, no matter the ache or joy.
He is always good.
Step into that goodness today.
Let him take your pain.
No one is beyond redemption.
There is grace for all.
For He is so good.