Until Then. . .

The world has stopped once again.

The memory of the deep searing ache prevalent. 

And now my farmer's sister knows that ache. 

Another cousin now resides in Glory. 

The boy who used my tapered candles as num chucks as he danced from one end of the couch to the other 
while watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. 

Perpetual Motion. 

Eyes sparkling with boundless energy. 

Curiosity oozing from every pore. 

Mischief; the ring leader of the pack of cousins. 

The first one to laugh. 

The first one to cry. 
The first one to repent. 
The first to offer a hug. 

Deep love running through his veins. 

 He lived and knew amazing grace. 

He worked hard. 
He loved hard. 
He now resides with Jesus. 

This big farm family is gathering together. 

We're wrapping our arms around each other. 

Pulling in tight. 

We're reaching deep. 

I Thessalonians 4:13-14
Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope.For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.

We grieve with hope. 
Hope in a future with our loved ones. 
Hope in a time when there will be no more tears. 
No more sorrow. 

Hold tight my friends. 
The time will come. 
Until then. 
We who are still here; we have work to do. 
Make each moment count. 
Bend that knee before the Almighty. 
Seek repentance and restoration. 

Through it all we are able to say;

It is well with our souls. 

Until we meet again Micah. 
You will be missed every moment of every day. 



Selah
You Raise Me Up


You raise me up to stand on mountains. 
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas. 
I am strong when I am on your shoulders. 
You raise me up to more than I can be. 

Let The Storms Rage Around You

Twisting, turning, boiling. 

The chaos swirls around. 

A child testing all authority. 

A friend in a health crisis. 

My mom's birthday. 

Laundry, dishes. 

Friction in the home. 

Graduation looming. 

Memories that bring searing pain. 

So many things to pull me under. 

So many distractions to draw my focus from the One answer. 

Deep grief weighing heavily. 

Change on the horizon. 

So much change. 

I can not quiet the raging pace of life. 

I can not control the responses of all around me. 

I can only quiet the inside. 

I can only reach for the beauty and peace of our Savior. 

For the grace given for the day. 

2 Corinthians 12:9

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

The storms will rage. 

The fast pace and repeated demands; never ending. 

See, it's not about just about ordering or controlling all that happens around us. 

It's about what happens on the inside. 

This world will throw all it's got at us. 

It's enough to push us down and keep us there. 

That is not God's plan. 

It is not His intent for us. 

He desires more for us. 

He yearns for us to live right smack dab in the center of the chaos. 

Yup. 

Right there. 

Between the runny noses and dirty diapers.

Between the drug and purity talks. 

Through the limited cash flow, low milk prices and repeated break downs. 

During lost game shorts, late nights, heated discussions and fiery tempers. 

When there's  homework, poor grades, poor attitudes and hurtful and hateful words.

John 14:27

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. 

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Yup. Right there. 

He wants our praise. 

Psalm 18:2

The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; 

my God is my rock, 

in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

He wants our deepest part. 

The yucky part that just yelled at the kids. 

The part that desires to just walk away from it all because it's too much. 

Yeah. That part. 

He's big enough and loves us enough to want it all. 

We need to be transparent; he knows it all anyway. 

We can't hide. 

So why pretend?

We're broken. 

We're frail. 

We mess up. 

Big time. 

And you know what? 

He gets it. 

When we turn and repent. 

When we say, I'm so sorry. 

He's there. 

With open arms. 

Waiting. 

His message is forgiveness. 

His offering; grace. 

May you step into that grace today. 

Let the storms rage all around you. 

While resting in the sweetness of the One who called you by name. 

Isaiah 43:1

But now, this is what the LORD says-- he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

Lessons Learned From The Pig Pen

Some days I just want to play all day. 

I want someone to feed me and take care of my basic needs. 

A little like the piggy, wiggies. 

 When the sun shines,  I will soak up the warmth with not a care in the world. 

When I am scared, I can crawl into a pig pile. 

I can feel the safety and security of those closest to me. 

Alas, I am not a pig. 

Though I dare say I live like one sometimes. 

My room is such a mess. 

But, I am not a pig. 

I do have responsibilities and burdens to carry; 

no matter how much I would like to play all day. 

Each day there is the tierney of the urgent. 

The pressing and the important. 

The immediate and the overdue. 

It is enough to want that pig pile each moment. 

But there is grace. 

Reaching for stability. 

Found not in ourselves. 

It is when we let go. 

When we reach for holiness, we are transformed. 

The cross our focus. 

A life.

A sacrifice.

Forgiveness.

Restoration.

Our Agenda becomes His Agenda.

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. 

I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

The peace that passes all understanding is ours. 

The urgent and mundane remain. 

It is we who are transformed. 

Not our circumstances. 

We who walk in the power of the Almighty. 

Strength gained from the surrender. 

Assurance through the storm. 

Solid ground no matter how rough the way. 

Hope and strength; ours. 

A Broken Pot (Yes Very Cracked) But Not Beyond Repair

The thoughtless words come spewing out. 

I am angry. 

My anger is directed at no one in particular.
The tender soul of the blue eyed girl receives the brunt. 

I feel out of sorts. And lashing out is my first reaction. 

Those words can not be taken back. 

No matter how deeply I ask for forgiveness. 

They came out.

I Corinthians 13:4-6
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

They were in my sin ladened heart. 

It's the forgiveness I sought. 

But it wasn't forth coming. 

She was hurt. 

And my words; the one's asking for forgiveness meant nothing. 

The others were piercing and that's what she's thinking.
How we need to watch our words. 

Proverbs 16:24
Gracious words are a honeycomb, 
sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

Words that can encourage and breathe life.
Not painful, hurtful, biting remarks.

Psalm 119:103
How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!

My heart constricts at her coldness.
I offended my sweet daughter and I feel awful.
She unwilling to forgive.
We both have lessons to learn.
Raw emotions leave us open for hurt.
Unwilling to let go.
I gaze into those baby blue eyes brimming with tears.
How could I let the words fly?
How could I hurt this tender soul?
Sometimes I just want off of this spinning journey we call life.
I can't seem to do it right.
The stress of the day and the tierney of the urgent reek havoc with my sense of calm.
So when I blow, it's a mess.
These are the moments Jesus shows up.
He reminds us of our sin and brokenness.
 He also reminds us of how much we have been forgiven.
Because we aren't always going to get it right.
We aren't always going to say the right thing.
But we are a forgiven people.
God in his mercy extended grace.
I will not always be forgiven by my children.
I will not always get it right.
But I will always be loved and cherished by the One who created me.
I am a work in progress.
A broken pot. (Yes very cracked)
But not beyond repair.
Jesus longs to reach down and fix it all.
At the end of the day. When the exhaustion has taken over and the mist of sleep is heavy.
I whisper to the blue eyed child again.
I am sorry. So sorry. 
She reaches up, gazes into my eyes, and hugs me tight.

Colossians 3:13
Bear with each other and forgive one another 
if any of you has a grievance against someone. 
Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Date Night

Oh how we longed for the phone call. 

(yes on a phone. . .with a cord) 

We did have answering machines. . .but you knew they would call; and it made you excited.

 Each moment was like a breath of fresh air. 

New relationships are like that. 

 I would sit with Gary for hours just talking or sitting in silence

 (he liked that a lot. . .me, not so much).

It was just being together that was important. 

We went for walks in the pasture. . .we sat on the hill and watched the sun sinking low.

 Often in silence (he liked that. . .)

Eventually on a sunny, fall day we got married.

And it was bliss.  No, really it was.

Look at our journey! Our first wedding! Oh what a beautiful couple.

We've even been away on a few trips! 

Away from the farm. 

Away from the state! 

Though I really love our home and the farm.

 Being away is great. . .but I love coming home. 

Then, somewhere along the line, date night was pushed aside. 

Finances have been tight. 

With so many kids and homeschooling, schedules are full and I am tired at the end of the day. 

 We began to forget that love is patient. . .

that it is NOT easily angered. . .

that is keeps NO record of wrongs. . .

none. . .

Did you get that?  NO record of wrongs. 

 I Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

My mom's journey with cancer became trickier and my dad's health became compromised. And time just kept marching forward. . . .with few or no date nights. 

And then life became even more complicated as my mom's journey here on earth came to an end. . .and all of the other losses we endured over the past 8 months. 

And somewhere in there. . .I realized I missed my best friend. 

I missed going for walks. . .

And watching sunsets. 

So, last night after a crazy day of driving to New York to drop the kids off at camp. . .only to find out it was supposed to be today. . .

We went out for date night.

And we held hands.

And there was silence (which he loved).

We need to protect our marriages. Even if they are good. They can be better.

We are celebrating 20 years this year. 

And I can still say I am glad I married my best friend. 

Ephesian 1:15-19 . . . I thank God continually for you and I never give up praying for you; and this is my prayer. That God, the God of our Lord Jesus Christ and the all-glorious Father, will give you spiritual wisdom and the insight to know more of him: that you may receive that inner illumination of the spirit which will make you realize how great is the hope to which he is calling you—the magnificence and splendor of the inheritance promised to Christians—and how tremendous is the power available to us who believe in God.