Saturday, February 1, 2014

Bringing Order Out Of Chaos

He rings the bell.
The bell rung to celebrate the end of chemo. 
I try to take a video. 
My hands shake. 
We are done with chemo. 
We thought we had one more week.
They had miscalculated.
Last week was the last treatment. 
The toxic cocktails have ceased. 
We are on to the next steps.

Life after cancer, and life without our son. 
I  fight back the tears that threaten to spill. 
They let me ring the bell. 
I ring it loud. 
I ring if for my mom, for my husband; for my son that I so desperately miss.
I ring it for every child and every person that has ever had cancer. 
I ring it for death.
I ring it for life.
A life I want to live with purpose and meaning.
A life I want to share with those who have lost hope.
With those who have lost their way.
I ring it for moms.
Mom's that have lost their children.
Mom's that work so hard trying to do the right thing.
Mom's who persevere even when they feel like giving up.

So today. If you feel like giving up; don't.

If you feel like you have lost your way; you haven't.
Sometimes life is hard. Really hard.
We can't make sense of  our circumstances.
We don't have to.
We can trust that God does understand.
It's not just about letting go.
It's not just about being ok with the chaos of this world.
It's about being ok with God; who understands the chaos.

I came across this video this week and I want to share it with you.
It made us all laugh. Giggle right out loud. Good for the soul laughing.
We hope you do too!

We can choose to let our circumstances rule us.
We can become bitter, angry and withdraw.
Or we can an embrace a God who called the universe into
being and brought order out of chaos.

Ephesians 4:30-31
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, 
along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another,
forgiving each other,
 just as in Christ God forgave you.

Won't you step into that ordered chaos with me?

I posted this song already this week. But all that cries within me, rejoices that, I Know That My Redeemer Lives, and there is an empty grave. When you think about the power of what Christ did for you on that cross; when you realize the chaos of this world has order. . . listening to this song brings great, great joy.

The very same God
That spins things in orbit
Runs to the weary
The worn and the weak
And the same gentle hands
That hold me when I'm broken
They conquer death to bring me victory


  1. Tammy, you just made my day. Not only with your words, but with the video. So thankful your farmer is finished with chemo. God is doing a work in your heart and it's coming out in your words. Today is a good day. Praying the cocktails and the Creator do their work of healing. :)

  2. Oh yes Cindy! Me too. . . Seeking the steps God has ordered. . .out of the chaos. . . blessings on your day.

  3. Mom = Wow!!! I love this video. Thank you Tammy from Laurel

    1. It is a great video and inspiration for moms. . . =Wow. . isn't that just fun!

  4. Samuel and Gabe introduced me to "kid President" a while back. He is a child who deals with a difficult bone disease, I believe. Clearly, his joy shines through!

    1. Elijah showed us those videos. We laughed and laughed. I spent so much time looking at youtube vidoes. . . Now I would give anything to stop everything and watch them all day long if that was what he wanted.