Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Do They Sing Happy Birthday In Heaven?

 It's another year. 
Your birthday.
 I miss you.
You'd be turning 19.
You've spent your 18th and now 19th birthday  in heaven. 
Away from me; away from your family- 
but present with the Lord. 
What I wouldn't give to celebrate with you.

My heart so desperately wants this to be different. 
To have you here. With us.
I won't dance a mother's dance at your wedding. 
But we'll share a wedding feast some day; 
grander than anything this earth could provide. 
Some days the ache is so great I literally propel myself forward. 
Clinging to the Ancient promises. 
There are days that joy seeps through. 
The power of the Holy Spirit great. 
Peace of a life lived in grace. 
As I celebrate the life I had with you; those 17 years.
I rest in gratitude. 
I am who I am because of who you were. 
Your stubbornness and constant questioning challenged me. 
Today, I see things differently because of you. 
You made me a mom. 

You satisfied my longing for a child after our first journeyed to heaven. 
I will always be grateful.
You have left us a gift with your testimony. 
Even through the deep and searing ache I will rejoice for my time with you. 
I will choose to walk to gratitude.
To turn my eyes to the joy. 
So happy 19th birthday Elijah. 
It is also your enlistment date.
You would have served a whole year.

Now you've enlisted in the greatest Corps there ever will be.
Oh the joy that you are experiencing.
I rest in that thought, when the missing overwhelms.
We're still going to celebrate you today.
I am going to remember all the celebrations.
You, my son, will always remain in my heart.
Never far from my thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," 
declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth,
 so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.


  1. Today is my son's first day of college classes. As I miss him I am freshly reminded how terribly awful your ache is. I will see my son again in a few months. You will not see yours again until the other side. I pray now for you, that the healing balm of the Holy Spirit's Presence is applied liberally to your heart and that you are given joyful memories on this day... and fresh hope for a future reunion.

    1. Yes Glenn, The future reunion. Keeping that perspective. One day soon. We've been praying for Josh. So, excited to see where God will lead him.

  2. After going through your blog it really made me feel wonderful about how you keep up with your faith even after lot of ups and downs. I am really sorry about your son. I landed on your blog while searching for gallery space for rent NYC and got reminded of my brother who left us couple of years ago.