The Assurance of Knowing

Often we are stretched. 

Beyond what we feel we can handle. 

We breathe deep. 

We long for relief. 

Yet, these circumstances are here to help us grow. 

To change us. 

It's been 35 months of being stretched. 
There are many more months to go. 
The missing deep. 

The walk each day a choice. 
 I am only responsible for the here and now. 
To live this moment in surrender. 
I will let the rest of the moments be dealt with in time. 

In the pew, on Sunday, the children sat between my farmer and I . 
4 of them. 

I breathed deep. 
I want to remember this moment. 
To not forget. 
These are beautiful glimpses. 
Snapshots really. 

Our Pastor displays a quote. 

For it is one thing to see the Land of Peace from a wooded ridge, and yet another to walk the road that leads to it.” -Augustine

Oh, how I know this journey. 
This road. This road. 
Yet, I know the peace that travels with me on the journey; 
and the peace that awaits at the end is far greater than all I could imagine. 

We here at the Davis Farm will continue to walk
 that road that leads to peace. 

We will stand firm in hope. 

We long for you to know that hope. 
The laying down. 
All. 
To surrender. 
All.
To the One who longs to pick you up. 
Who went to the Cross. 
For All. 
That assurance of knowing. 

Matthew 7:13-14
"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

Celebrating my Farmer

He hangs yellow ribbons. 

This farmer of mine. 

He texts the college girl on her way home. 

She's on a bus headed our way. 

"He'll tie a yellow ribbon round the Old Oak Tree."

She needs to look up the lyrics. 

You tube will show her what her parents have neglected. 

We pull into the driveway. 

There are yellow ribbons. 

I wonder at it. 

Had I missed these before I left. 

She gradually unfolds the story. 

I marvel at the gesture. 

Yellow ribbons and a song to welcome his daughter home. 

His quiet ways. 

His gentle and thoughtful manner. 

And I marvel at this man. 

A man I have been married to for 22 years;

still surprises me in so many ways. 

He's turning 60 today. 

His life has held so much. 

Joy and heartache interwoven through the years. 

Somehow he has remained solid as a rock through these winding threads. 

Faithful. 

Steady. 

Full of hope. 

Even when the joy thief crashed through. 

There was hope. 

His faith unrelenting. 

Rising before the sun to milk;

 keeping his phone set to reading through the Ancient Word. 

The milking parlor his sanctuary. 

Prayer lists on the wall. 

Ever before him. 

A reminder; slow and steady. 

Life is not a race. 

I bristle at his pace. 

My harsh, abrupt ways; clashing. 

The world always beckoning me. 

Hurry. 

Fit more in. 

We're going to be late. 

While he waits in the background. 

Quiet and steady. 

The rhythm of the chores a cadence for life. 

Lessons to be learned. 

The way of the farmer. 

Strong. 

Resting. 

Solid. 

Unhurried. 

Nursing and coaxing life into being.  

Rising and falling with the milk prices. 

Taking each pitfall in stride. 

Present in each moment. 

Never wavering. 

He models the Father with each step he takes. 

A pace lost to most these days. 

He stops to tie ribbons for his daughter. 

He indulges a farm niece and helpers with rogue calves. 

His words are few. 

His actions resounding. 

Echoing for generations to come. 

A legacy. 

A faith. 

My farmer. 

Happy Birthday!

Great is Thy Faithfulness Day #9 of Thankfulness

A few months ago I lost something that was dear to me.

 It was just a material possession so, I let it go. 

I've lost so much more. 

Then tonight as I put on a jacket and reached in the pocket.

My lost item had been found. 

A sweet sensation spilled over my being. 

An unexpected surprise. 

In gratitude I shared my find. 

Sometimes we are lost. 

Looking and searching for that which we can not find. 

This year has been full of continuing changes. 

My dad getting new digs in a nursing home, Clarissa graduating and leaving for college, our church in transition as we seek a new pastor, a new niece, our farm family suddenly returning to CA, our nephew unexpectedly meeting Jesus. 

So much change. 

Some good, some heart wrenching. 

Always seeking. 

As I reached into my pocket and grasped that lost, dear item;

my heart leaped. 

This is how we are in Christ. 

He reaches down to those deep places. 

He holds on with a firm grip. 

Tightly. 

As the storms rage. 

He never loses his grip. 

We may flail. 

We may try to loosen the grip. 

He remains steadfast. 

~30 Days of Thankfulness~

I am thankful for:

The vote to call David Coons as our pastor

a message reminding us about the truth of what God believes about us

dinner with friends

an afternoon surprise coffee visit

the hard parts of parenting (ok not really but I'm trying)

being a in body of Christ committed to prayer, committed to making a difference in this world

the hope found in Christ

wrestling through the hard times- I may not like them, at all- but God is doing a new thing

texts from the oldest 2 daughters 

the technology to face time

the up coming trip to Haiti

prayer

friends who take the littlest-who is not feeling well- home from church so I can stay and listen to the message

a friend who write an hysterical monologue on facebook about granny panties- and I laugh until I cry

Lamentations 3:22-23

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end;they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

30 Days of Thankfulness. . . . Are you in?

Are you in? 

Are you willing to count your blessings? 

Can you name them. . . one by one. . . ?

When death and cancer knocked on our door;

we stepped into praise. 

When the path has seemed so long and hard;

we've stepped into Praise. 

Won't you join us on a grateful walk? 

Be purposeful in turning to praise?

No matter the walk. 

No matter how hard. 

Turn it to praise. 

I'm trying. 

Psalm 92

 It is good to praise the LORD and make music to your name,

 O Most High,

~ 30 Days of Thankfulness~

I am thankful for:

The ways in which God surprises me as I walk this journey

my children and their uniqueness

Starlit nights

A home full of kids

friends who never let go

A visit from a college friend who stands at the grave and says, 

"Tell me about Elijah."

bonfires

Crisp, quiet mornings

The Ancient Word

Farming

my farmer

coffee

lessons I am learning; even in the struggle

Our new Guest House venture

knowing we are held

I'd love for you to join me in this journey. 

Share our link. 

Leave a comment. 

Let's see what God will do when we join together to be thankful. 

Psalm 107:1

Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good,for his steadfast love endures forever!

He is Able

I fold laundry and I pray. 

I pray over each sweet piece of fabric. 

Each shirt, pair of pants. 

I hold them close. 

I pray for this college girl who is home. 

Home to celebrate the life of her cousin. 

Taken too soon;

in our eyes. 

This college girl who has lost a brother too. 

And I make piles. 

Neat piles. 

I love to fold laundry. 

I love the smell. 

Shirts together. 

Pants together. 

Unmentionables together. 

Neat piles. 

Clean. 

Orderly. 

But I can't ever seem to to get the piles to their respective owners. 

Ever. 

Piles begat piles. 

And the orderly becomes chaos. 

Why is that? 

Why can't it ever be finished. 

It seems to be my albatross.

Is it that way with your faith. 

Are you able to get to a certain point. . .

And then all unravels. 

Doubt begats doubt. 

Am I really worthy enough? 

Can God really love me enough?

Do I really believe? 

And what do I really believe? 

As I put away the laundry and continue the cycle. 

I ponder these things. 

I pray for the ache in our hearts. 

I pray for the memories that were. . .

and those that will never be. 

I take the ache piled upon ache and lay it at the foot of the cross. 

I am not able to handle this alone. 

The weight too grand. 

As I put each pile away. 

I imagine physically handing my cares to God. 

I tuck them into the drawers. 

He is able. 

He is more than able. 

Ephesians 3:20

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,

Once again. 

None of this caught God by surprise. 

He is walking this journey with us. 

He will receive the glory and honor. 

His name will be praised. 

We will continue to stand on the rock that never moves. 

We will bend our knees and lift our hands high. 

2 Corninthians 4:8-9

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;  persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

Umm. . .Our Plans Are Not Going According to What We Thought. . . . Now What?

She's sad. 

Things are not working out how we expected. 

And it's hard. 

What do you do when you've prayed; 

done the right things. 

And the answer is no? 

What do you do when you think this is a plan. 

And the door. . . closes. 

Shut. 

Time is of the essence. 

Yet, what is time in Christ? 

We cry. 

I try to pray. 

I have no words. 

Because when your child hurts, often there is no room for words. 

I know this is more in the lessons of trust. 

I tell my first born girl this. 

I dig deep. 

God has a plan. 

God knows the future. 

We don't. 

So we can do only what we have been taught to do. 

Fall back to what we know. 

God is faithful. 

I Corinthians 1:0

God is faithful, who has called you into fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord

God will never leave us nor forsake us. 

He actually goes before us. 

Deuteronomy 21:38

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

He is working all things for good. 

Romans 8:29

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

We are reminded there are still many lessons to learn on this journey. 

While my heart retracts from more hard lessons. 
I know it is for the good. 

We are being molded and shaped. 
Our purpose is for His glory. 
Our steps are to bring honor to His name and further His kingdom. 
We are light in a hurting world. 
Even in the struggle there is hope. 

I don't know what God has planned for this daughter of mine. 
I know I love her fiercely and God loves her more. 
I know that I can't step into fear. 
I know that God holds all this in the palm of his hand. 

So, I need to place this young lady in the palm of God's hand. 
The same God who holds my son. 

This is not easy. 
When plans do not go according to what you expect. 

But,

There is a plan. 

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you. . .. 

God is in the plan. 

In time, he will reveal his plan. 

We just need to trust. 

Are you able to trust? 

Even In Our Darkest Moments We Still Carried Hope

A kid jumps off a bridge.

A woman commits suicide; a teacher, wife, mother.

Another student in my hometown takes his life. 

And I can't make sense of this world. 

Why one who wanted to live is gone and these that don't want to live take their own life. 

It all swims around in my head and my heart feels like it wants to burst. 

I can't imagine what it must feel like to have no hope; to not want to live. 

Because even in my darkest moments, 

when the grief was overbearing and the pieces of my shattered heart were scattered everywhere as my son left this earth and the memory thief knocked profusely on my dads door and cancer waltzed into our daily conversations and the joy thief set up residence, 

we still carried hope. 

There was still the torch of the One who called our names and 

breathed the holy breath into our beings. 

There was still a corner to turn. 

Light, illuminating the dark path. 

Always a step ahead even in the deepest dark.

The cross. 

The work done on our behalf. 

To live without hope is beyond my understanding. 

Yet. I get it. 

I get how life can be crushing. 

How the weight can make you dig deep and leave you paralyzed. 

How putting one foot in front of the other requires every ounce of your being. 

Your entire focus. 

We have not been promised an easy life. 

God has said we would have trials. 

James 1:1-2

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.

He also showed us how we should live in the face of the trials. 

They will come. 

And we will learn from them.

God will be there. 

He will hold us and carry us.

 Even through the darkest of nights. 

For those that are depressed though, they can not see that.

 It takes intense modern medicine and intervention. 

Even the strongest believer, who lives on hope and serves with their hands and feet,

 is not immune to the ravages of the joy thief. 

So, on this day when the struggles of this world threaten to pull me under, 

when my heart breaks with missing my child and knowing the hurt for some is so great they will end their life on earth,

 I have to release it all at the foot of the cross. 

I need to leave it there. 

Because the pressing in is too much. 

I lift my eye to the heavens. 

To the babe, born in a manager, so we might live. 

The incarnate; God with us. 

Immanuel. 

The answer. 

The only hope. 

I look out my window and the landscape is being transformed 

as white fluffy flakes descend from the sky. 

A covering over the barrenness of the land. 

We have been bought, with a price. 

The cross a symbol of great hope. 

Hope for all nations and all people. 

Hope exists. 

It is in the surrender to the Holy, the letting go; that we are given life abundantly. 

Michael Card

Immanuel

The Glory of the Nations

A light for all to see 

And hope for all who will embrace His warm reality

The Deep Down Work of Gratitude Day #3 of Thankfulness

It is a song played during communion. 

I recognize it right away. 

The memory swept out from the dark corner. 

I close my eyes and I am there. 

Listening to the praise video the kids listened to.

 Praying for their little souls. 
My heart constricts with the memories. 
The music continues on. 

"I lay all of my burdens down at your feet."

Oh how I miss my son. 

"And anytime, I don't know, what to do. I will Cast all my cares Upon You."

Years of praying for my children. 

A desire to see them grow. 

Bend their knee to the One who gave us life. 

I squeeze my eyes shut. 

To the pain. 

The song continues. 

I let go. 

I let myself remember. 

I can't change what has happened.

I thank God for those times. 

Even now. 

For we don't know, any of us, how long we have. 

And it's the here and now that counts.

~30 Days of Thankfulness~

I am thankful for:
Coffee; hot or cold
New furniture and a fresh coat of paint
my family and their willingness to step forward each day on the path God has placed us
a warm house
Netflix- we don't have cable and Netflix is such a wonderful thing
the wind blowing through the windows of our home-reminding me how cold it really is outside
no heat upstairs which drives the kids downstairs, which allows us to spend more time together
my farmer and his time spent away with the farmer junior
the therapy of cooking
a clothesline and the fresh, clean scent of clothes air dried
the money I save by not running the dryer

I am thankful for this journey of Thankfulness. It turns my heart around every time. By day 3, the inward focus I have stepped into begins to lighten. I find myself throughout the day trying to be thankful for even the hard things. Trying to be open to the lessons available. Each day we have a choice. We can be miserable, affected by our circumstances and become bitter and unfulfilled. Or we can surrender, step into gratitude and become all that God wants us to. But, it's a choice. Our circumstances are not going to change. They are going to remain; and may even become worse. But our lives can reflect grace and mercy if we cultivate a thankful heart. 

I pray that you will join me on this journey. Leave a note in the comments and share how you are blessed through this process. 

I am grateful for the video of my son's Senior Testimony. I share it with you again because each time I listen to it I am reminded that God knew what was going to happen. This was a gift to all of us. This is grace and mercy. None of which I deserve, but that which I am grateful to receive. 

Elijah Davis' Senior Testimony

We Danced The Dance Of Laughter

We danced the dance of laughter.
A strange sound echoing.

Snorts from the youngest of the bunch. 

Inability to sing grace. 

 Holy laughter. 

It doesn't happen often. 

But when it does it captures everyone. 

Sweeps them into a sea of giggles. 

For a time lost in sheer convulsions.
Holy laughter. 

It happened. 

 I am so grateful. 

An evening with everyone home. 

An intentional effort made, to be together. 

Priceless.
The deep journey of trying to live with something always not right.
But isn't that the way it really is?
Isn't there always something missing?
Weren't we created for more?

Romans 8:22-27
For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now. And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees?But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it. In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words;and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.…

The whole of creation, waiting eagerly for Christs return.
The hope of ALL nations. 
The reminder, there is a greater purpose.
We can not always see the workings of God.
We can not understand His ways.
"We hope for that which we can not see."

We labor until that glorious day we are called heavenward.
Though the labor may be hard and tedious.
It is all beautiful.
Holy.
Our peels of laughter echoing in this home is the direct connection with our living and Holy God.
It is the response to the rest we have in Him.
Our Hope that One day; all will be set right.
As our hearts ache, and we place one foot in front of the other, we look to the Father for wisdom.
We seek His face for each step.
We dig deep and search for Hope.
For joy.
For His will to be accomplished.
Grace meets us time and time again.

Won't you take a few minutes to listen to this version of
Chris Tomlin's,  I Will Rise? 
My friends,  the victory has been won.
Jesus has conquered death.
And one day we will be called home to that glorious kingdom.
And I will rise when He calls my name. 
This shows a picture for me of Elijah's soul rising to meet Christ when He called his name.

And as heart wrenching as it is, it is also filled with great hope.
Someday, I too will rise.
There will be no more sorrow, no more pain.
May you know that assurance.
Hold that gift. 
Standing on the solid ground today.

With eyes to see.
Look past the pain. 
Look toward the hope. 
Finding the strength to journey on.
Grabbing onto all that has been given.
May your soul find deep peace today in the power Christ made available for you.