The Assurance of Knowing

Often we are stretched. 

Beyond what we feel we can handle. 

We breathe deep. 

We long for relief. 

Yet, these circumstances are here to help us grow. 

To change us. 

It's been 35 months of being stretched. 
There are many more months to go. 
The missing deep. 

The walk each day a choice. 
 I am only responsible for the here and now. 
To live this moment in surrender. 
I will let the rest of the moments be dealt with in time. 

In the pew, on Sunday, the children sat between my farmer and I . 
4 of them. 

I breathed deep. 
I want to remember this moment. 
To not forget. 
These are beautiful glimpses. 
Snapshots really. 

Our Pastor displays a quote. 

For it is one thing to see the Land of Peace from a wooded ridge, and yet another to walk the road that leads to it.” -Augustine

Oh, how I know this journey. 
This road. This road. 
Yet, I know the peace that travels with me on the journey; 
and the peace that awaits at the end is far greater than all I could imagine. 

We here at the Davis Farm will continue to walk
 that road that leads to peace. 

We will stand firm in hope. 

We long for you to know that hope. 
The laying down. 
All. 
To surrender. 
All.
To the One who longs to pick you up. 
Who went to the Cross. 
For All. 
That assurance of knowing. 

Matthew 7:13-14
"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

Forced Seclusion Begins a Much Needed De-Cluttering

I'm forced to seclusion.

My allergies overpowering. 

My air conditioned bedroom; my reprieve.

Haying, lawn mowing, beautiful blossoms;

all causing me discomfort. 

So, I head to my bedroom. 

On a gloriously sunny day. 

I am forced to look at the clutter. 

The piles of clothes. 

The boxes of paper. 

Most of it needing to go. 

I begin the process. 

Cards sent when our world shattered. 

When our first born son was called to glory at 17. 

When cancer threatened to take a good man down. 

When the joy thief knocked harshly on my farmers door. 

Cards of encouragement. 

Cards with gifts and letters sharing stories. 

I hold these in my hand. 

I remember little from this time. 

I don't want to part with these cards. 

Lists of thank you's to write.

Never written. 

Because how do you thank 100's of people?

Notes from meals left on our door step. 

Unknown. 

These papers slip through my fingers to the recycling. 

I think on that time. 

I allow the grief to wash over me. 

I clear a space on the floor. 

It's been two years since I have seen that space. 

I feel a bit lighter. 

I continue through the box. 

I find the thank you notes Elijah had written and not sent. 

His handwriting. 

So unique. 

The tears well. 

I want to stop. 

I feel overwhelmed with the enormity of the amount of clutter. 

The memories. 

 I continue on. 

I must.

The mess and the clutter in this room are weighing me down. 

I am a prisoner; held by clutter and things. 

Held by dust and and the inability to vacuum or walk safely. 

This is agonizing. 

I want to hold on to these cards forever. 

I want to go back. 

I want my son back. 

I want my world to be normal again. 

Before death. 

Before cancer. 

When we were whole and intact. 

I let the tears flow. 

I think about Elijah. 

Oh, how I miss him. 

This seems so cruel. 

The loss of a child. 

I get to the bottom of the box. 

I have found 2 gift cards given to us. 

I have read words of beautiful encouragement. 

Strength; in words. 

Strangers. 

Friends. 

All holding us close. 

I reach the end of the second box. 

The piles; diminishing. 

I save a few things and find a home for them. 

I hang clothes and throw away ripped items. 

I let go of recycling and reusing for a few minutes. 

The guilt is overwhelming. 

But I persevere. 

This needs to be done. 

I continue to read cards sent from all over. 

My soul finds peace. 

I breathe deeply the reminder that God will never leave us nor forsake us. 

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Words that I have listened to over and over. 

Words that I have read and been strengthened by. 

My allergies have calmed down. 

I continue to sort through the piles. 

Day by day and moment by moment I will conquer this clutter. 

I begin to let go of the things that have controlled me for so long. 

It's been good to go through this de-cluttering process.

I will continue to press on in this journey. 

Philippians 3:14
I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called
 me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Reconstructing

Reconstructing. 
Each day. 
How to do dinner. 
What the table looks like. 
His car in the driveway. 
All how to live without my son. 
Each day.
Learning. 
The path. 
God has ordained. 
Not my will. 
But His. 
And so I learn. 
While my heart misses. 
I open my heart to the will of the Father. 

A young teen plays Elijah's drum set at church.
A young man unaware of the story.

Playing to Worship. 
The same God. 

All for His Glory. 

So I learn, to trust more. 
Rest where there is chaos. 
Quiet when the screams seek to find a voice. 
Peace given. 

A purpose beyond what I can see. 

She Could Do Anything. . . Really.

The waiting. 
Our hearts. 
Preparing. 
Adoring.
Longing;
For Hope. 
Eternity. 
Love came down. 
Incarnate. 
Flesh. 
For me. 
For you. 
Once. 
For All. 


14 years ago today a beautiful woman bowed low as
 she journeyed to meet Jesus. 
Her presence is missed everyday. 
The lessons she lived, still in our hearts. 

Here is a tribute to her from last year. 
She now resides with 2 of her beautiful grandchildren; whom she loved and adored with all her heart. 

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````

December 18, 2014


I can still feel the peace I felt when I entered her home. 

The country charm. 

The warmth. 

The smells. 

The open door. 

Oh, how I loved and admired her. 

She could bring a calf to the barn as easy as whipping up a tasty meal. 

There was always room on her lap for one more. 

Room at the table for another to sit. 

Always time for coffee.

There was always a solution to every problem. 

Life was a journey with God as her companion. 

Her creative touch transforming gardens and rooms into things of beauty. 

The light left her 13 years ago today. 

In a moment; she was gone. 

At 65 it seemed too young. 

Her husband just 16 months before her. 

The ache we all felt; still felt today. 

I miss her laugh and the twinkle in her eye. 

I miss her encouraging words and support on the farm. 

She accepted me; this city girl. 

She never laughed at my inabilities or lack of knowledge. 

She taught by example. 

She lived what she believed. 

Her hands, never idle.

Her heart, always full. 

So, my dear Shirley I miss you greatly. 

I am grateful for the legacy you left. 

I am thankful for the farmer you bore, the strength you modeled. 

I know I am the woman I am, because you believed in me. 

Because you shared a life surrendered to Christ and to your family. 

I know you're rejoicing with the King of all Kings and sitting at the banquet table with my red head.

This assurance brings me peace and fills my being with strength. 

Heaven holds so many of my dear ones. 

There have been days I have longed for your wisdom or to hold my hand when

 my heart can't take the pain anymore. 

For now I will continue as you modeled; though not nearly as adequately as you. 

My eyes are lifted to the cross. 

My soul surrendered. 

Life breathed into my weary heart by the Giver of all life. 

Thank you for giving. 

Thank you for loving. 

I was blessed to have been a part of your family. 

I was blessed to have you in my life. 

That Inner Circle Day #18 of Thankfulness

Spent a lovely evening out last night.

Amazing food and service. 

Treated by friends who never seem to let us go. 

Holding us close. 

Caring. 

Checking in. 

Helping us move forward. 

Friendship. 

Beautiful. 

Cultivated. 

Grace. 

Surround yourself with those that encourage and challenge you. 

We are blessed to have those in our life who continue to walk with us. 

Fill your world with those that seek to see you more like Christ. 

Take inventory of that inner circle. 

When that circle is spurring you on; you have more to give. 

You never walk alone. 

~ 30 Days of Thankfulness~

I am thankful for:
friends who continue to love on us
time away from the farm
the students God has brought to the farm lately
this farm; may it always be a refuge for those who need it
this drafty, old, run down, farmhouse
a propane wood stove
a friend who seized the moment and started to decorate 
for Christmas early because it got cold
even in the waiting
a clean kitchen when I came home from being out 
(this is a gift straight from heaven)
The amazing display in the heavens at night . . . 
Elijah's view must be amazing




Would you consider helping my farmer and kids head to Haiti? 
Click here to help. 
Remember to click on Haiti Projects in the drown down menu and write in the memo box; Davis Trip. 

Thank you!  Click here to donate to the Davis Trip to Haiti
Matthew 25:40
"The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'

Sunday Dinner Day # 16

They gathered around the farmhouse table. 

Sunday dinner. 

These young men. 

Telling tales. 

Laughing. 

Looking at some hard times with humor. 

They are finding their way. 

The farm boy is digging deep these days. 

A change. 

Wrestling with the demons that threaten to pull one under. 

He gathers here and laughs. 

A rich laugh which reminds me of one gone before him. 

But yet so different. 

This farm boy has a carefree nature. 

Throws caution to the wind. 

(not always a good thing)

Living. 

Embracing. 

Fully. 

That with which I struggle. 

He is teaching me. 

Slowly. 

He always has. 

May I have eyes to see. 

Matthew 13:5

For this people's heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.' But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.For truly I tell you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see but did not see it, and to hear what you hear but did not hear it.

~ 30 Days of Thankfulness~

I am thankful for:
Laughter around the farmhouse table
For young men willing to live differently
quiet afternoons
a Youth Pastor that loves our kids
4 more sleeps until the college girl comes home
gratitude
these hard times that are driving me to my knees
a God who never lets go
the freedom of opinions
(Do we understand how uncensored we are in this country? )
the freedom to attend church-to openly express my love for Jesus
opportunities to be the hands and feet of Jesus
heat
my farmer who never gives up, always perseveres
the Ancient Word; may it guide us in Truth
the farmette who face times with her Papa to see the cows


Stepping in to this Monday actively seeking grace.
Intentionally watching for glimpses of gratitude. 
Will you join me in this walk? 


Psalm 146:1-2
Praise the LORD. Praise the LORD, my soul.
I will praise the LORD all my life; 
I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.

His Room is Still Empty. . .And So Is The Tomb

His room is still empty. 

I climb to the top of the stairs. 

It has become cluttered again. . . 

with stuff. 

Stuff that isn't his. 

Extra baggage that doesn't belong there. 

Our new adventure has consumed much energy. 

Each time a list complete. . . another, just as long, emerges. 

Details begat more details. 

Things we hadn't noticed before, began to come to light. 

We were taking the time to examine. 

My quiet time has been filled with me talking. 

Me requesting. 

Pushing off time in the Ancient Word. 

Spending time instead on forms and taxes and legal requirements. 

Those quiet moments with God being pushed aside. 

So subtly I didn't even notice. 

Those things are important. 

Vitally important. 

So is the time we spend with God. 

As we draw closer he refines us. 

Purifies us. 

Changes us. 

He exposes the areas in need of change. 

He walks with us. 

He nourishes us. 

He loves us enough to not leave us where we are;

 but to remove our dross. 

And make us more into His likeness. 

I Corinthians 13:12

For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And as I climb those stairs. . . I think on these things. 

His room will remain empty of him. . . but cluttered with stuff, 

until I choose to go and enter in. 

Enter in to the pain and memories. 

Enter in to the joy and thrill of parenting. 

Remembering the beautiful. 

God is at work. 

He never slumber nor sleeps. 

Psalm 121:4

indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

Though my heart aches and I struggle to define priorities. 

God has not left my side. 

He never said this road would be easy. 

He has always said that he would be there. 

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Our journey is not finished. 

This is not our home. 

We have work to do. 

Jesus is coming back. 

The tomb is empty my friends. 

One day He will wipe away every tear. 

And that should be our focus. 

Life. . . One on one. 

Meeting needs. 

Putting feet on dreams. 

Waiting to see. 

Because the best. . . is yet to come. 

Worry, Epiphanies and the Every Day

I'm not sleeping well. 

It's been 27 months without my son. 

I go to bed exhausted. 

I wake up exhausted. 

I know I've been awake in the night. 

I have that heavy feeling. 

What is keeping me up? 

Luke 10:41

"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, 

"you are worried and upset about many things,

but few things are needed-- or indeed only one. 

Mary has chosen what is better, 

and it will not be taken away from her."

This verse has troubled me for many years. 

I've attended retreats based on the verse. 

Read an insightful book on the subject. 

Still. 

I am troubled. 

These days have been busy with preparing our Guest House. 

For putting feet on dreams. 

Planning out details. 

What are the goals of the this business?

How will things get accomplished?

Lists.  

Painting. 

Decorating. 

Praying. 

More painting. 

Mixed into all of this is farm work, book work, 

cooking, grieving, taking care of kids and preparing for winter;

 just to name a few. 

While I am at the stove I pondering these things. 

"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things,but few things are needed--or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

Martha was at the stove cooking, planning preparing. 

She had company in her home. 

Her gift hospitality. 

These folks were probably hungry. 

They had been on a long journey. 

And now. 

They were in her home. 

It was her job to care for them.

While I was cooking the notion struck me. 

All these years it's been Martha "the doer".

And Mary, "the sit at Jesus feet-er." 

While I was cooking I noticed my attitude. 

I was stewing. 

About this and that. 

I was hotter than the kettle I was working with. 

I was doing what was needed. 

But. . . I was stewing. 

And I thought. 

THAT'S IT!!!!!!!!

While other's gone before me have probably made this connection. 

I have not. 

It's not what Martha was doing that was the problem. 

It was what she was thinking. 

It's not that she needed to neglect the house to commune with our LORD. 

No. 

It was her attitude. 

The cooking was fine. 

The preparation was needed. 

But it was her heart. 

She was stewing. 

She was at that kitchen banging around. 

Ticked at her sister. 

Mary. . . was right at Jesus' feet. 

Her sweet spirit in tune with the Savior. 

Waiting to hear and absorb all there was. 

Time was short. 

Seek contentment in all you do. 

When cooking or, ack, cleaning. 

Where is your heart? 

Do you do the task joyfully as unto the LORD?

Or are you spewing and ranting, slamming pots and stomping around? 

There was nothing wrong with Martha and what she was doing. 

It was the way she was doing it. 

So, while I was at the stove having this epiphany 

(and burning what ever I was doing). 

I changed my attitude. 

Instead of stewing about what everyone else was 

doing. . .or not doing in this case, I looked to the Lord. 

I closed my eyes, (might be part of the burning) and gave thanks for the opportunity to cook. 

Yes. 

I even thanked God for the opportunity to clean. 

I slowed myself down. 

Sometimes we get off track. 

Jesus wasn't elevating Mary sitting as his feet while Martha was working. 

He wasn't encouraging Martha to come and literally sit at his feet. 

We're busy people. 

There is work to be done. 

He wants us in the midst of the work. 

The work is holy. 

He wants the merging of the two. 

He will help us. 

He's in the business of helping us; changing us. 

He is fighting for us! 

Exodus 14:14

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

We are called to be light. 

Matthew 5:15

"You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.

Lauren Daigle

Salt and Light